Interpreting concern as anger?

[NightSky]

Does anyone else do this? I hit a low point last weekend and I don’t reach out during crisis, but after the fact I will email my T and explain what happened, usually to articulate that I need a plan to help me not get back to that low of a place. She responded saying that i have so much on my plate and she was concerned with how I’m handling it all and she thinks I would benefit from an intensive weekend trauma workshop. And she even asked how she could best help me right now while I’m in this place. For some reason all I could read from that was that she was angry, and wanted to push me off onto someone else or some other program.
Now that i have my senses about me I can’t understand how I read it like that, and she has once again reassured me anything she suggests would be a supplement and she won’t abandon me.
My concern is I’m recognizing that the moment someone shows concern, I interpret it as anger, and then assume they will leave me or hurt me. This means next time if there is one, that I am really low, I will be hesitant to reach out.
I’m talking to my T about this, too. Just curious if this resonates with anyone else.

 

[UnicornSightings]

How has this shown up in your past? We repeat these patterns because we learned them so I’d guess your answer is in your past.

 

[NightSky]

I don’t know. That’s why I find it strange. What would have to happen for someone’s concern to equal anger to me? I can’t figure out why those two wires would be crossed. My dad was verbally/emotionally abusive and had an explosive temper. So I know why perceived anger feels threatening. But I can’t figure out why that’s where my mind goes if someone shows care or concern.

 

[Abstract]

Did your father show concern for you when you were in crisis and young? Who was the one to care for you in those situations. I definitely have an issue seeing anything people say as safe and authentic when am in crisis and hypervigilant. I try to step outside myself to get an objective perspective on the situation but it is hard.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Now that i have my senses about me I can’t understand how I read it like that, and she has once again reassured me anything she suggests would be a supplement and she won’t abandon me.

I have done this as well. You sound like you got triggered into a PTSD overreaction a knee jerk reaction straight away without you being aware of the connection between the two, This would be a very important topic to take to your therapist in a session. Good luck in being able to find and trace back the root cause.

 

[NightSky]

Did your father show concern for you when you were in crisis and young? Who was the one to care for you...

I can’t remember. I have very little memory of my childhood and don’t remember ever being “in crisis”. As a teenager I would lock myself in my room during my dad’s rages and hurt myself. My mom is a wonderful loving person, but I think she would never go against my dad so I was alone in those moments and not stood up for. Concern is not something I remember experiencing even though when he wasn’t in a rage my parents were loving. I wish it wasn’t such a blank canvas.

 

[Stephernovas]

You read it while still in a low point. You likely had a whole lot of negativity still swimming around. It makes complete sense.