Hello.
I joined the forums to learn more about how to cope and be more supportive of my partner with PTSD. On top of that I probably have some emotional issues that I have brushed aside for too long that in the grand scheme of things, destroy a lot of foundations.
Why catlady? I have a wonderful fluffball of a cat named Muffin. I was wonderfully in love with a boy once that I was with for almost 3 years and he gave me a kitten two weeks before he dumped me and moved out so that I wouldn't feel lonely. What an asshole, I know. If not for Muffin I would have attempted to end my life, convinced that there was nothing more to live for. I love this cat, she keeps me sane even though she drives me crazy with vomiting on the carpet or peeing in the bathtub. I eventually met someone else and we were in a long-term relationship. This guy did never care much for Muffin, they simply accepted each others existence. I was not happy in this relationship and what had become of it when I met my partner that I am with now. Essentially, after a lot of conviction I left my ex to pursue a relationship with him. It's been an insane journey, but I do not regret this choice even though there's been a lot of hurt and self-growth. This guy, he absolutely adores my cat and jokingly demands shared custody. Sometimes it feels like he loves this cat more than he loves me, and it does melt my heart.
Besides all the things that are great, and when they are great they are really great, it's tough when things are not so great (like in any relationship). This relationship has been different on so many levels from what I have experienced before, but nothings is ever black or white, right? I'm so late in the ball-game catching up on PTSD and I feel really terrible for it. At first I didn't realise the extent of it, and it's really hard to imagine something that is so foreign on how I perceive things. But I really hate the idea of being that ignorant partner that fails to be supportive. I expect my partner to be there for me, and I want more than anything to be able to do the same for my partner. I constantly realise I'm not doing enough, that rather than helping I am kicking his anxiety in gear and am being toxic instead...
We have established that I need to be more in control of my emotions. If I'm upset, I cry ok? He doesn't. He says that my tears have no effect on him, but me being distressed irritates him. He thinks that I'm being immature by reacting in tears. It has taken a few learning curves for him to accept that I do not react the same way as him. Very often he expects me to have some sort of soldier mentality, it feels like. In the beginning I found him arrogant in how he was dealing with conflict when we argued, but nowadays, I'm finding that I am letting him down in not being more mindful or know how to communicate with him accordingly.
And perhaps it's too late turning to this forum now, but we have just had a really big turning point where he has decided to end this relationship. I posted a thread with some more details, if any one has any wise words, I would appreciate any perspectives. I'm turning into an absolute mess trying to salvage this relationship but he is currently not very approachable at the idea of "nurturing or starting again". I've never experienced anxiety symptoms or mild panic attacks before but I'm struggling being composed in this time of not knowing what is in the future for us. I feel he is giving up to quickly and completely ignoring all the good things we have had and only sees this one argument, that in the big picture, perhaps isn't as big if he just could focus on something else... Then again, who am I to say how he should react?
Anyway, hopefully, finding a medium to communicate with other might help put some perspective. I just feel so lonely and hopeless thinking that I have lost him forever.
I joined the forums to learn more about how to cope and be more supportive of my partner with PTSD. On top of that I probably have some emotional issues that I have brushed aside for too long that in the grand scheme of things, destroy a lot of foundations.
Why catlady? I have a wonderful fluffball of a cat named Muffin. I was wonderfully in love with a boy once that I was with for almost 3 years and he gave me a kitten two weeks before he dumped me and moved out so that I wouldn't feel lonely. What an asshole, I know. If not for Muffin I would have attempted to end my life, convinced that there was nothing more to live for. I love this cat, she keeps me sane even though she drives me crazy with vomiting on the carpet or peeing in the bathtub. I eventually met someone else and we were in a long-term relationship. This guy did never care much for Muffin, they simply accepted each others existence. I was not happy in this relationship and what had become of it when I met my partner that I am with now. Essentially, after a lot of conviction I left my ex to pursue a relationship with him. It's been an insane journey, but I do not regret this choice even though there's been a lot of hurt and self-growth. This guy, he absolutely adores my cat and jokingly demands shared custody. Sometimes it feels like he loves this cat more than he loves me, and it does melt my heart.
Besides all the things that are great, and when they are great they are really great, it's tough when things are not so great (like in any relationship). This relationship has been different on so many levels from what I have experienced before, but nothings is ever black or white, right? I'm so late in the ball-game catching up on PTSD and I feel really terrible for it. At first I didn't realise the extent of it, and it's really hard to imagine something that is so foreign on how I perceive things. But I really hate the idea of being that ignorant partner that fails to be supportive. I expect my partner to be there for me, and I want more than anything to be able to do the same for my partner. I constantly realise I'm not doing enough, that rather than helping I am kicking his anxiety in gear and am being toxic instead...
We have established that I need to be more in control of my emotions. If I'm upset, I cry ok? He doesn't. He says that my tears have no effect on him, but me being distressed irritates him. He thinks that I'm being immature by reacting in tears. It has taken a few learning curves for him to accept that I do not react the same way as him. Very often he expects me to have some sort of soldier mentality, it feels like. In the beginning I found him arrogant in how he was dealing with conflict when we argued, but nowadays, I'm finding that I am letting him down in not being more mindful or know how to communicate with him accordingly.
And perhaps it's too late turning to this forum now, but we have just had a really big turning point where he has decided to end this relationship. I posted a thread with some more details, if any one has any wise words, I would appreciate any perspectives. I'm turning into an absolute mess trying to salvage this relationship but he is currently not very approachable at the idea of "nurturing or starting again". I've never experienced anxiety symptoms or mild panic attacks before but I'm struggling being composed in this time of not knowing what is in the future for us. I feel he is giving up to quickly and completely ignoring all the good things we have had and only sees this one argument, that in the big picture, perhaps isn't as big if he just could focus on something else... Then again, who am I to say how he should react?
Anyway, hopefully, finding a medium to communicate with other might help put some perspective. I just feel so lonely and hopeless thinking that I have lost him forever.
