Hi, I am a sufferer of PTSD due to repeated sexual and physical abuse as a child. I thought that this was all past and I went to nursing school and graduated five years ago, since then things have gotten out of hand. I worked in the medical field for 25 years previously so I don't think is it related to seeing trauma and since I mostly work with the elderly as a nurse I doubt this is the reason for my distress.
My problem goes back to when I was 16 and decided to tell people that I was being sexually abused by my stepfather. My mother made my go talk to our pastors wife. I explained everything and she said she believed me, but I should never speak of it again. This is not what she told my mother, she told my mother I was lying. A couple of days later my parents called several people over to the house, from the church. The confronted me and wanted to know why I lied they drilled me for what seemed like hours. I never said a word. That night I through my belongings out the window. to my waiting boyfriend. Later I ran out the back and have never gone back. A ton of terrible things happened in this time that are more than I can go into.
My main problem now is that if I am called into the office at work to discuss anything I go into flight or fight mode. There is no making sense of my emotions I am completely mentally out of it and pretty much unable to discuss anything in ("like a normal person" as my husband likes to say).
Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? Does anyone know of anyway I can control my emotions in a situation like this? I have been fired from my last two jobs and pretty much been a failure at everything since becoming a nurse.
Having a lot of suicidal ideations.
My problem goes back to when I was 16 and decided to tell people that I was being sexually abused by my stepfather. My mother made my go talk to our pastors wife. I explained everything and she said she believed me, but I should never speak of it again. This is not what she told my mother, she told my mother I was lying. A couple of days later my parents called several people over to the house, from the church. The confronted me and wanted to know why I lied they drilled me for what seemed like hours. I never said a word. That night I through my belongings out the window. to my waiting boyfriend. Later I ran out the back and have never gone back. A ton of terrible things happened in this time that are more than I can go into.
My main problem now is that if I am called into the office at work to discuss anything I go into flight or fight mode. There is no making sense of my emotions I am completely mentally out of it and pretty much unable to discuss anything in ("like a normal person" as my husband likes to say).
Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? Does anyone know of anyway I can control my emotions in a situation like this? I have been fired from my last two jobs and pretty much been a failure at everything since becoming a nurse.
Having a lot of suicidal ideations.
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