Intrusive Thoughts

[Bookoffee]

I downloaded an app called CALM. It has steps to meditation on it. I am enjoying it and using it daily. Today I am having a hard time keeping the intrusive thoughts from coming in.

Money situation is hard, fight with my wife, my sister keeps harassing me about the wedding. I have ignored her texts and deleted them but now I just wish I were dead. Every mistake I have made keeps running through my mind and I feel like a idiot and I wish I were dead. See the pattern? It gets worse, more into my trauma. I over analysis everything then I get suicidal thoughts.

I have listened to CALM twice today to stop the thoughts. I couldn't relax enough for it. Some times I wish I had dental floss for my brain.

 

[Bekah]

The app sounds like a good idea! Even if it doesn't always work, it definitely seems like it's worth keeping it.

I have an idea of awful it can be to deal with thoughts like that all the time. When I'm in a bad place I do the same thing - hating myself for making a mistake, and constantly seeing myself as having made a million mistakes, etc., which when it gets out of control can be all the time. I don't think there's any real cure except years of working at it, but something that I do as a short-term fix is just say 'stop' inside my head. Or, you know, any variation thereof - 'quit it, 'cut it out,' 'be quiet,' 'snap out of it.' I've found that trying to reason with yourself doesn't really work, and the more you try the worse it gets. So all you can do is nix the ruminatings before they get too far. If I'm alone I'll usually say something out loud (you have to be careful about the habit, though, or you start saying it in public too).

Images can also help - I had a therapist suggest that I just picture a stop sign every time I noticed the thoughts getting bad, which worked pretty well. Anything to distract yourself and yank you back to reality. Even if it doesn't necessarily calm you down, getting rid of the thoughts makes it easier to get rid of the feelings. The idea is just to get so used to cutting them off at the source you eventually start doing it automatically. (Obviously easier said than done.)

 

[KwanYingirl]

I have the CALM APP too. You're bound to have times of intensity that's the fact of PTSD. Just keep up with your grounding and relaxation. The memories aren't happening now. Try to stay in the here and now. Have dinner and go to sleep.

 

[RussH]

@Bookoffee just keep haning in there.
It is really hard when all these stessors are hitting you from all sides, and I know what it is like to wish you were dead, I have been doing that a lot lately myself, not suicidal, just thinking I would be better off dead. but we have to wake up each day thinking and praying it will get better.
I have a dream of opening my own parisanne style cafe. I was thinking yesterday that I should name it The Lemonade stand, because I am determined to make lemonade out of the lemons that life has been handing me lately.
So, join me in a glass of lemonade, ok?:)

 

[Ronin]

I find that it's almost impossible to relax on command. Regardless if that's person telling that to themselves, or have it as an outside input.

So I wouldn't blame myself too much for not being able to do that, in your shoes. Calming down takes time and practice, and if there's a reason to not be calm and your body won't ease up because registering problems? It's better to listen to it.

TL:DR don't be too rough with yourself about it, and don't force calm just because it seems preferable at the moment. Our bodies are sometimes smart enough to know they're all anxies for a reason.