I'm wanting to move on from this experience, but it still keeps lingering and so to avoid being told to 'let go' by friends, I am going to rant about said experience for a while here, until I feel it is out of me enough. So, this is basically a vent...and it's a bit long so thankyou in advance to anyone willing to read through it. I appreciate that.
Last week, I was participating in a thread on facebook that was specifically to do with trying to recruit 'allies' into the feminist culture in Melbourne, and the thread was started by a woman I recently started spending time at her house, learning meditation techniques and doing casual life drawing classes.
I met her about a year ago, but did not really spend too much time with her until recently. She was raised a feminist by her feminist father, and also has aboriginal ancestors. A few weeks ago this woman started a 30 day "everyday sexism" thread on facebook, highlighting how often women experience racism, as a way of raising awareness amongst her male allies and the general community.
I personally feel that people who are always feeling like victims of some "ism" tend to attract a lot more of it than people who don't and are able to ignore any cat calls or otherwise immature and annoying behaviour from males in the community. She would say this is nothing more than "new age platitudes".
So anyway...I was reading down this one thread about allies, and in her most recent post, this woman wrote about how because she is white, it is "impossible for her to experience racism" (speaking about her privilege) and then went on to point out that when a person from another culture shares a story of racism, it is her place to listen without jumping in and advising or speaking about herself.
I was compelled to comment to this, as I had an experience when I was a teenager that contradicted her assertion, in my mind. I shared my story, which involved being king hit by a 12 year old Aboriginal girl in the middle of the day, at a bus stop, in school unifrom. I was minding my own business, when this little boy came up to me and with a cheeky grin he said "Gimme 5" and put his hand out for me to slap. I played along and slapped his hand and the next thing I knew I had this brick of a girl come at me and punched me right in the nose. I went down and blacked out!
When I came to I looked around and saw my friend chasing the girl down the street.
I relayed this story as a way of showing that although it is not anywhere near the same level of systemic racism, that reverse racism does happen!
The next thing I know I'm being told by one of her 'allies' that I cannot compare my story to that of the aboriginal people, and said that my story proves nothing, and then told I was "derailing by entitlement'! The woman then agreed with him and posted a link explaining what 'derailing by entitlement' was...for me to "educate myself".
I started getting pretty triggered, and felt really furious. I replied saying that I felt invalidated and as though I was being treated like my story didn't matter because it doesn't happen to the same degree as it does to aboriginals. I was never intending to compare my story in the first place, but was made out to be a total asshole for even bringing it up. I forgot that it's a sin to be white these days!
Another guy came on and basically said the same thing, and then told me that he was also involved in an incident where 4 koori men beat him up, but that they did not shout any racial slurs at him, so he didn't feel that it was racially motivated...even though they were beating him up!! He therefore concluded that because he did not think his story was racially motivated, that it meant neither was mine, when I'd already said that I felt that it was racially motivated, among other reasons.
The woman then came on and asked us both to stop derailing and taking the thread of it's original target. Then another woman came on and posted a link with a satirical article about reverse racism, basically mocking me for my "white supremacist" behaviour and then told me, when I laughed about it, that I had no comprehension of how privileged I am and was basically indecent!
All because I shared a story about being punched in the face by a 12 year old aboriginal girl when I was a teenager, to illustrate that reverse racism does happen!
After my fury had passed, and I started to realize I felt brow beaten and like if I didn't agree with them and go along with what they were trying to shove down my throats, that I was being judged as 'bad'...and I made a final comment saying that I renounce feminist culture, and told them they were operating much like how a cult does...which was how it all felt and seemed to me, and I had others back me up who were also following the thread and said it was full of confirmation bias and there was no interest in debating from many different points of view...just recruiting 'allies' who had to follow the party line or else!
Later, I decided to speak to the woman personally, and I didn't think I would lash out in fury at her for the emotional abuse I felt had just unfolded. I was promptly told that I was 'privileged' and need to go educate myself again...and told that the way I spoke to her friends highlighted that. Not once was there any acknowledgement that they had brow beaten and totally invalidated my experience, basically saying it was nothing so shut the f*ck up! These were people trying to 'educate' everyone on how to listen to victims of racism!!!
I probably over reacted, but I ended up unfriending her and removing myself from the group that were going to her house, as I couldn't consider even going there again after that experience. I felt like I was being spoken down to like a 4 year old kid. I felt patronized, and condescended to, though she seemed to be oblivious as to how she was being this way. I felt judged as a moron and an insensitive one at that.
I'm still thinking about it all though, and it's been a week almost. I just want to not think about it. It feels really pathetic and childish. I sense that I hurt her by saying that I thought they were operating like a cult, thus making her the cult leader...which is how I see her. I feel like I'm now expected to apologize to her...but I'm being stubborn about that because I feel like I was wronged and am having trouble letting go of the whole experience.
I am not really looking for advice per say, though anyone is free to say what they want here...I just really needed to vent it.
Last week, I was participating in a thread on facebook that was specifically to do with trying to recruit 'allies' into the feminist culture in Melbourne, and the thread was started by a woman I recently started spending time at her house, learning meditation techniques and doing casual life drawing classes.
I met her about a year ago, but did not really spend too much time with her until recently. She was raised a feminist by her feminist father, and also has aboriginal ancestors. A few weeks ago this woman started a 30 day "everyday sexism" thread on facebook, highlighting how often women experience racism, as a way of raising awareness amongst her male allies and the general community.
I personally feel that people who are always feeling like victims of some "ism" tend to attract a lot more of it than people who don't and are able to ignore any cat calls or otherwise immature and annoying behaviour from males in the community. She would say this is nothing more than "new age platitudes".
So anyway...I was reading down this one thread about allies, and in her most recent post, this woman wrote about how because she is white, it is "impossible for her to experience racism" (speaking about her privilege) and then went on to point out that when a person from another culture shares a story of racism, it is her place to listen without jumping in and advising or speaking about herself.
I was compelled to comment to this, as I had an experience when I was a teenager that contradicted her assertion, in my mind. I shared my story, which involved being king hit by a 12 year old Aboriginal girl in the middle of the day, at a bus stop, in school unifrom. I was minding my own business, when this little boy came up to me and with a cheeky grin he said "Gimme 5" and put his hand out for me to slap. I played along and slapped his hand and the next thing I knew I had this brick of a girl come at me and punched me right in the nose. I went down and blacked out!
When I came to I looked around and saw my friend chasing the girl down the street.
I relayed this story as a way of showing that although it is not anywhere near the same level of systemic racism, that reverse racism does happen!
The next thing I know I'm being told by one of her 'allies' that I cannot compare my story to that of the aboriginal people, and said that my story proves nothing, and then told I was "derailing by entitlement'! The woman then agreed with him and posted a link explaining what 'derailing by entitlement' was...for me to "educate myself".
I started getting pretty triggered, and felt really furious. I replied saying that I felt invalidated and as though I was being treated like my story didn't matter because it doesn't happen to the same degree as it does to aboriginals. I was never intending to compare my story in the first place, but was made out to be a total asshole for even bringing it up. I forgot that it's a sin to be white these days!
Another guy came on and basically said the same thing, and then told me that he was also involved in an incident where 4 koori men beat him up, but that they did not shout any racial slurs at him, so he didn't feel that it was racially motivated...even though they were beating him up!! He therefore concluded that because he did not think his story was racially motivated, that it meant neither was mine, when I'd already said that I felt that it was racially motivated, among other reasons.
The woman then came on and asked us both to stop derailing and taking the thread of it's original target. Then another woman came on and posted a link with a satirical article about reverse racism, basically mocking me for my "white supremacist" behaviour and then told me, when I laughed about it, that I had no comprehension of how privileged I am and was basically indecent!
All because I shared a story about being punched in the face by a 12 year old aboriginal girl when I was a teenager, to illustrate that reverse racism does happen!
After my fury had passed, and I started to realize I felt brow beaten and like if I didn't agree with them and go along with what they were trying to shove down my throats, that I was being judged as 'bad'...and I made a final comment saying that I renounce feminist culture, and told them they were operating much like how a cult does...which was how it all felt and seemed to me, and I had others back me up who were also following the thread and said it was full of confirmation bias and there was no interest in debating from many different points of view...just recruiting 'allies' who had to follow the party line or else!
Later, I decided to speak to the woman personally, and I didn't think I would lash out in fury at her for the emotional abuse I felt had just unfolded. I was promptly told that I was 'privileged' and need to go educate myself again...and told that the way I spoke to her friends highlighted that. Not once was there any acknowledgement that they had brow beaten and totally invalidated my experience, basically saying it was nothing so shut the f*ck up! These were people trying to 'educate' everyone on how to listen to victims of racism!!!
I probably over reacted, but I ended up unfriending her and removing myself from the group that were going to her house, as I couldn't consider even going there again after that experience. I felt like I was being spoken down to like a 4 year old kid. I felt patronized, and condescended to, though she seemed to be oblivious as to how she was being this way. I felt judged as a moron and an insensitive one at that.
I'm still thinking about it all though, and it's been a week almost. I just want to not think about it. It feels really pathetic and childish. I sense that I hurt her by saying that I thought they were operating like a cult, thus making her the cult leader...which is how I see her. I feel like I'm now expected to apologize to her...but I'm being stubborn about that because I feel like I was wronged and am having trouble letting go of the whole experience.
I am not really looking for advice per say, though anyone is free to say what they want here...I just really needed to vent it.
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