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Invisible Mom

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Deleted member 541

I copied this from another website that I visit, so I will not take any credit for this. It's just one of those things floating around in an email....... I just wanted the Mom's out there to know that when they feel overwhelmed, and unappreciated, that it it's ok, someone does love you..........I hope that all of you like this as much as I did....Enjoy!!!!!

Invisible Mother.....

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible.. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!?

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe ..
I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by
the roof, No one will ever see it. And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.

No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become. At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction.. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there..'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!
 
Ok My Friend,

You just brought tears to my eyes and heart! What a fabulous way to look at life.

It has put my stress and efforts surrounding my mom in prospective, even though it was not written for this purpose. It has made me feel like what I am doing for her "IS" important and "Does" have meaning.

Thank You.
 
Yes, that's how I see my mother and what she did for our family when she was alive.

I still grieve for her now. Sometimes the pain is unbearable but she left a wonderful legacy and just thinking of her helps me through the bad times.

When I don't know what decision to make I always ask what would my mother have done faced with this....

Great thread and poignant for a lot us I guess at this time of year
 
As the "giving" season begins, I would hope that this thread stays around to remind us of the important person in our lives.

I know there are those of you who really do not fall into the category of caring about your mom much less give a s##t. But there are those of us who are either mothers or have mothers, and we do who care.

I see this message as a slight validation of my efforts to "TRY" and raise my kid. I thought I was a good mother, but I was not. But this message helps me understand that I am responsible for the good qualities and heightened awareness that has gotten my child through the hard times of her life.

If you do not find that you fit in here and your feelings are very negative towards you mother, please don't post. I think as struggling mothers/children we need a positive place. This is a place to express positive feed back on our mom's and to try and understand our ability, or lack of that ability to be one.
 
Herc,

While I understand your feelings on this subject, and the fact that you are a close friend of mine...........I want to say to you, that you have overstepped here.....

This is *my thread*, and ANYONE is welcome to post in it, regardless of how they feel about their mother.......This is an open forum and anyone can post wherever they wish, and express their opinion. We may not always like what they have to say, but they are allowed to say it.....
 
My mom, although she messed with my head, played favorites, became hysterical at times, and seemingly hated me for a reason I can not understand, still probably did the best she could.

She had an extremely abusive bum for a husband, raised 6 children, and was a career woman and breadwinner.

I don't know why she failed to take her birth control in such a situation. I found half taken packages all over her closet one time.

I don't know why she said the things she said about how her life would have been so much better without kids.

I don't know why she seemed to target me, except that I stood up to the bastard and she never could.

I do know she admitted she went to work to get away from it all. It was her escape.

I do know that it hurts so much that she didn't believe us or protect us and that when I tried to tell I was shut down and yelled at.

I do know that if I were in her position now, I probably wouldn't be able to do nearly as good a job as she did.

How's that for a positive spin.
 
I also believe my mom did the best job *she* was capable of doing. She was seriously mentally ill, in an abusive marriage, grew up being abused and yet *she* never physically abused us. One cycle broken.

I realize now, how truly broken she was at the time of my abuse, and even if she did know (which is a distinct possibility), I don't believe she had the strength to do anything about it. She had no fight left.

But still, I know I could call her right now and ask her for a ride or advice and she would be here. My only regret is that I'm not able to discuss my abuse with her.

Thank you for this thread SheCat. I've been having "mother issues" lately and it helped to look at the other side. Not to mention - I can completely relate as a mother to the original post.
 
Wendy

I am very sorry for having overstepped. It was never my intension. Re reading the things I wrote through your eyes shows me now just how wrong I was.

Please accept my sincerest apology. I an truly sorry.
 
No problem Herc......Just don't let it happen again, or I may have to come there and bitch slap you in person!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!:rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
I had a few surrogate mothers who filled in during different parts of my early years. One died of a drug overdose, but she always paid attention to me. The other, she was married to a mentor Mohawk of mine, and she always fed me and gave me a couch to crash on.

Mothers are women who actually intend to take care of you and protect you - it isn't about blood. Kudos to those women.
 
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