Irritating People

[mary1979]

Have you ever met someone in your life that just grinds your gears?

Like everything they say makes you want to beat the living shit out of them yet they've never really done to you?


Karl Jung says that in those situations, typically it is not about the other person, just that you are seeing in them, the exact things you hate about yourself.

I have noticed that when I do meet someone like that and think of the things I dislike, yep.. Sure enough, I've just gotten pissed off at myself...

Have you noticed this?

And are you willing to look deep inside for me, pull out that loathsome thing the other person has reminded you and look at it without bias?

Or do you just totally disagree with me?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Like everything they say makes you want to beat the living shit out of them yet they've never really done to you?

I might not put it in those harsh of terms, but yes, I have met people whose every word and action makes me loathe them.

Karl Jung says that in those situations, typically it is not about the other person, just that you are seeing in them, the exact things you hate about yourself.

I have heard that put in various ways throughout my life and I could say sometimes it's true to some extent and sometimes not about me. One recent example is I was stuck in a place with grown-ups (ages varying from 25 up) and there was this one girl who was really hard to get along with and made mean comments about others including me. I didn't like that. Have I ever done things like that in my life, yes, I have. Do I like that- no I don't. So in that case I get it, but I don't walk around constantly saying mean things, which was my experience with this person. I have gotten drawn in to high school meanness, but I don't do that as an adult. There are times when I see other people acting in a way that drives me to be very angry at them and slowly I have recognized that I am seeing an abuser in them. They are not abusers and were no my abusers, but there is something about their looks or mannerisms that gets them confused in my mind and I have to remind myself they are not the same person.

 

[Ronin]

I usually deal with irritating people (or: my own irritation because of people / sparked by people) by systematizing & categorizing.

As in if I can put a finger on why it's irritating, what they do (or not do. Or look like. Or I see in them doing.)? No longer as badly irritating. A-ha. That thing out of place has its place in some category, even if it's just in my head. I've seen that before, I'll probably see it many times in the future as well, nada pasa go on, entirely ordinary existence here.

Takes the wind out of things.

Now, when it's irritation because of something I share, that's a different animal. Because recognizing it's really not about them, but about me, delays me for months, and then there's months of being a stubborn mule and being all Who, me? Nope, that's not me :D Fighting own shadows until I'm just too exhausted, sit on my ass, and acknowledge there's some truth to it, and truth's been a worthy find in that journey. Then change it.

Irritating because they've Done Something would be whole another question, but you're not asking that, so I'm ending this here. :P

 

[Killashandra]

This is hard...
I've written 3 different things so far and it still doesn't make sense.... :wideeyed:
So I'll try again. ..
For me.. when I come across these people my irritation against them is generally because for some reason I seem to think they aren't worthy of the advantages I perceive that they have had... it's a gut gnawing feeling that I should I have the one in thier shoes. It seems silly but this is what I feel when I come across these people. One example is a tv hostess... I hate her so much.. I would love to slap her and see her perfect face crumple. I want her life.. what did she do in her past life to deserve such a lovely life... what did I do to deserve such a crappy parents.. why is she adjusted.. normal.. etc... it's just not fair! - I don't know her... I don't know her life... for all I really know she could have had a crappy childhood.. but I can't help it.

I have however been on the other side of this coin.
I can only remember 1 particular person though I know there are sure to be more.. it's just this one is significant. Significant because I was informed of what was happening ..I don't do very well reading people... it takes me a while, me playing mind games... ha forgetaboutit! Anyways..
My husband picked up on this chick's hostility toward me while I was completely oblivious to it. I couldn't figure this chick out all night.. all us girls had gone for our for dinner and drinks at the pub.. I didn't know her.. I was there to have fun and get a little drunk.. granted I was going out to drink in my husband's small home town.. granted I was a city girl.. granted my husband knows how to read people really quickly and had informed me before I left of the 4 things that were guaranteed to happen. As the evening wore on and beer was flowing freely, in succession these 4 things occurred. . Each one leaving me in stitches... I had a damn ball! I didn't realize but toward the end of the night she was so irritated by me for having fun and including her in it that she stormed off, started an argument that went something along the lines of she's ruined my night!
I felt bad for her.. because I definitely am not one to be envious of... but I also thought she was really silly not to look at the positives in her life... my positivity that night was what brought her down..
I learnt a lesson that night.. and I try to apply it, when I remember it.. if we remember and focus on the positive things in our life, big or small.. we can overcome the negative. I don't want to be like her.
I don't even know if I'm making sense right now... I hope I am..

 

[Killashandra]

Then again I work with this chick who lost her mother when she was little... has a step mother that was horrible, I expected her to be caring and clever.. she isn't. . She's slow, she's judgemental, I can't work with her. She doesn't pull her weight. She irritates me so much that yes I do just want to punch her. She's a diva but not a diva.. she's got a good job and thinks she's so good but in fact is terrible. Her customer service is horrid and I am always having to work even harder to pick up her slack and keep our team on track, bonuses are involved... I like bonuses.. I am envious of her because she recieved a massive inheritence. I'm irritated that no one does anything about her ineptitude. People think she is so nice and she uses it to her advantage. . I hate her because she is focused on money not people. I'm nice but it gets me nowhere.. what's the deal!
Now that I've confused myself even more.. I'm going to bed.. night.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I have noticed that when I do meet someone like that and think of the things I dislike, yep.. Sure enough, I've just gotten pissed off at myself...

Yep!

Taking out the one and only one person on this planet I can say I truely hate because of what she's done to me; just irritating people in general; that has to be about you because you are the one being irritated, so what is it about you...what is it in you thats irritated?

 

[ladee]

I have known for years that irritating or offensive people is me looking in a mirror.... of course I always see it as being very magnified, so that it gets my attention :D... no way am I THAT bad, rude, loud, obnoxious, ect. So I tell myself, yep that is a part of me, and if that irritates me so, then I need to work on my own what ever is red flagging me....
Except 'arguing'.... that is one of the most useless wastes of time in my world... I will simply look up and say, 'you're right'.... just to see the deflated look on their face....not that I feel they are right, it's just to shut them up... At the end of the day, unless we have brought about some kind of positive change in the world, how ever tiny that may be, no one really cares how RIGHT we are....

 

[Chimera]

Great post.

My daughter and I were discussing this yesterday on a walk. How when we pass a judgement on another it's most likely a reflection of our own fears or something within ourselves we don't like...and how important it is to withhold the judgement and try a more open approach. This might also help us be kinder to self after we master it?

That said, it could be a few other things too. Chemistry. Subconscious insight...they might genuinely be an ass..

 

[Zanshin]

Yes... and no.

I've butted heads with people like me before until I realized why and we settled into a mutual respect. (Pretty sure they had the same reaction to me by some out of later discussions!

Some people just set off the creep vibes and I can't get away from them fast enough... Sometimes before they've even said a word.

Some people are just loathsome and awful, and I know I don't want to be around them. Constantly arguing, screaming, swearing at others? Check me out, please. Racist, bigoted, rude? No, thank you, I'll pass. Incessant negativity? Nope.

It doesn't mean that I need to be awful back to them... but I also don't need to spend any more time in their presence than needed.

 

[Lucycat]

Like everything they say makes you want to beat the living shit out of them yet

I am that person.
I have a knack of upsetting people without trying.