Is He Right?

[AngelKeeperJ]

:yuck:Ummmmmmm....HELL, NOOOOO!!!! What an A$$!!!!!

If he wants you to be "open" with your feelings.... you should tell him that what he said hurt you to the core!!!

I cannot imagine being told something so INSANE!!! You have EVERY right to wait until he goes to sleep...then beat him with a BROOM!!! (Of course I don't mean it) but he ASKED FOR IT!!!:yuck:

Keep on keepin on, and though your experiences won't "disappear", you are a survivor already!!!

 

[Holdingontohope]

Thank you all for taking the time to read my posts and reply. I have been considering my options, as far as my marriage, for a while now. It is a little more complicated than just leaving him/filing for divorce. I wish it was that simple.

I had an appointment with my EMDR therapist today. We ended up talking instead of doing emdr. She reminded me of how much progress I have truly made. She said many of the same things you guys said in your replies.

Thank you guys for helping me validate my feeling on this situation. It is more proof of how I am improving. 6 months ago, I probably wouldn't have handled this the way I am right now. I would have been in the hospital, or worse. I think I am going to take some time to carefully consider all of my options, as far as my relationship with my husband, at this time.

 

[ladee]

I can only speak for myself but you have my support whatever you decide.
I don't walk in your shoes and I know personally how hard it is to get out of a relationship .
So when you see and hear us revolting it's because we feel how dangerous this man is.
Happy to hear you got to talk to your T. And you heard validation from someone who knows more than us how far you have come.
Going to focus on you and not him. You are the one we are concerned about.
Thanks for keeping us updated on your amazing strength .
Take care of yourself.

 

[Friday]

Normal people divorce their spouse to start a new life. They don't kill them.

They ALSO don't convince their spouse to kill themselves to save them the bother of it.

I really hope you're calling a divorce attorney, post haste. But that's also my bias. The moment I learn someone wants me dead? We're through.

ETA I'm also through listening to anyone's opinions about me, after I learn they want me dead.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

:hug:I am HAPPY to read that you are seeing a T who uses EMDR and that you spent time talking instead of EMDR. It is important that you have discussed fully, your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Trusting her, and her knowing you well, will lead to a positive outcome!

I had LOTS of success with EMDR, and am VERY hopeful for you! I hope you will let us know how it goes. It does take a while to absorb the effects of your sessions, and the changes can be subtle.

I agree with @ ladee saying that we will focus on YOU instead of him. You are the one who is determined to be the BEST you can be, and we are walking WITH YOU, and cheering FOR you!!!:hug:

It's EXCELLENT advice to REMEMBER how FAR you have come!!! I have the same problem. I wonder if more people than we know have the same struggle?

We need to value the journey of success and not always be looking at how far we still need to go. I tend to think of healing as a "mountain" in front of me. My T pointed out that I can only walk one step at a time, so there's no point to looking forward to the mountain ahead, which may or may not be as high as I think! I HAVE come a LONG way, and it sounds like YOU have, too!

We must OWN our success, and ALL the work WE have done. Yes, our T's have facilitated our "path", but WE have done the work!

YOU get to your appointments...YOU are the one who opens up the memories, and YOU are the one who isn't giving up or giving in!
(Is there a chance that he may not know how to deal with the new and improved YOU?)
Just a thought that popped up in my head...

I have a LOT of respect for you, because you are moving forward, working on your healing! You are making it all possible!:tup:

Keep up the great work!!!:hug:

 

[Stickler]

Normal people divorce their spouse to start a new life. They don't kill them.

They ALSO don't convince...

It's a very good point.
If the OP files for divorce he might have to pay alimony.
But if she kills herself he keeps all the money and gets all this sympathy instead!

...And that is the calculation the husband's made...
O.o
Yeahhhhh...

@Holdingontohope...You might want to call a domestic violence shelter and tell THEM what you told us. They would help you get a safety plan in place if the guy decides to get more ambitious about being a widower.

 

[Holdingontohope]

Well, I did have him served with divorce papers and a restraining order. Things were getting even worse. If I didn't have PTSD already, Id say there was a good possibility of developing it related to things that have happened in the past few weeks. I am glad I did it finally.

I feel really alone though. I've never been good at being alone. I have kids, so I'm technically not alone, but it's not the same. I don't think I miss him really, just the dream of someBay having a healthy relationship and family.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

:hug: GOOD FOR YOU!!! :hug:

You are on your way!!! Or, more like it, HE is on his way OUT!!! It takes COURAGE to do what you have done, and I am SURE that you CAN do it! I know it is difficult to be alone, but as you have found, you can be very lonely while someone else is right there in front of you! You won't be subjected to what he has put you through! Your dreams don't have to be gone, but your "nightmare" will be!

Blessings and hugs to you!

 

[ladee]

Congratulations!
You are very brave and do not ever have to be abused again.
Very very proud of youd
And you stiillmay have that healthy relationship..but with some one who cherishs you And supports you!
Prayers for your future!
We are here for you!

 

[Holdingontohope]

Thank you. It really felt like the right thing to do. I have never felt this song or capable of doing things on my own before. It is a strange feeling for me, the opposite of what I was use to for so long. I have a good support team on my side, and I am thankful to have you all to talk to/ask advice/ whatever else I need. Thank you!


Strong not song...sorry

 

[ladee]

Very happy your choice has been so empowering. You will have only cheerleaders here. No negativity.
Very happy for you!