cluckyhen0
New Here
It came about after I was involved in an altercation in a pub, something I have no memory of and something I came out of much worse. Since then I have received no treatment other than pills, as they are always waiting to pass me onto a specialist (which in the UK takes forever).
They gave me this diagnosis as I was subject to sexual child abuse for 11 years by a family member and also physical and emotional by my parents. I then seem to have jumped from the frying pan and into the fire as my husband is at times extremely violent towards me and mentally drains me.
Yet again, the medical side let me down and took me off my tablets at New Year (after 3 months on them with no disassociation). I disassociated on a night out, came back covered in cuts & bruises with a lovely bite mark on my face. I am getting done for this and am in court in 2 weeks........not sure how to plead as I don't remember anything.
What I do keep having are dreams. In them my husband is biting my face and head butting me. After a pretty fraught week of him ignoring me for no apparent reason and then him letting rip on me when I tried to tell him how bad he is making me feel I told him I remembered that night, I remember what he did to me (which I don't).....he turned the violence up and I fled.
I kind of had an Einstein moment whilst I was sitting in the dark in the rain, cold and wet. I've never noticed myself disassociating before, but it was like I was trying to pull myself back into one being, I was consciously trying to feel the tree I was sat next to, cause myself pain to remind me where I was and not to do anything silly, it's hard to put into words. I could feel my skin crawling, my fingers and nose tingling (warning signs I've been told by my Dr) But I did realise that every time I have disassociated it has been caused by my husband, he has said something, or hit me, or I've been terrified he is going to hurt me. His words kept going round in my head when I was in the dark 'you're useless, you're son hates you, I hate you, you're fat etc etc'
I suppose this is progress that I held myself in one place that night. But when I got my phone back (he takes all means of communication off me when he gets like that) I found a text he had sent saying 'I can't believe you remember everything that night, you're a liar and your playing games'. Does this mean my dream is in fact a memory?? I know many a time when people have said I've done something I've thought they've made it up! There is many a time I've looked at the clock and then it's 3 hours later? But having read that text after what I said worries me. Did he beat me to a pulp and I have no recollection?
They gave me this diagnosis as I was subject to sexual child abuse for 11 years by a family member and also physical and emotional by my parents. I then seem to have jumped from the frying pan and into the fire as my husband is at times extremely violent towards me and mentally drains me.
Yet again, the medical side let me down and took me off my tablets at New Year (after 3 months on them with no disassociation). I disassociated on a night out, came back covered in cuts & bruises with a lovely bite mark on my face. I am getting done for this and am in court in 2 weeks........not sure how to plead as I don't remember anything.
What I do keep having are dreams. In them my husband is biting my face and head butting me. After a pretty fraught week of him ignoring me for no apparent reason and then him letting rip on me when I tried to tell him how bad he is making me feel I told him I remembered that night, I remember what he did to me (which I don't).....he turned the violence up and I fled.
I kind of had an Einstein moment whilst I was sitting in the dark in the rain, cold and wet. I've never noticed myself disassociating before, but it was like I was trying to pull myself back into one being, I was consciously trying to feel the tree I was sat next to, cause myself pain to remind me where I was and not to do anything silly, it's hard to put into words. I could feel my skin crawling, my fingers and nose tingling (warning signs I've been told by my Dr) But I did realise that every time I have disassociated it has been caused by my husband, he has said something, or hit me, or I've been terrified he is going to hurt me. His words kept going round in my head when I was in the dark 'you're useless, you're son hates you, I hate you, you're fat etc etc'
I suppose this is progress that I held myself in one place that night. But when I got my phone back (he takes all means of communication off me when he gets like that) I found a text he had sent saying 'I can't believe you remember everything that night, you're a liar and your playing games'. Does this mean my dream is in fact a memory?? I know many a time when people have said I've done something I've thought they've made it up! There is many a time I've looked at the clock and then it's 3 hours later? But having read that text after what I said worries me. Did he beat me to a pulp and I have no recollection?
