Is It Illegal For Your Therapist To Recommend Pepper Spray?

[Deleted member 12723]

Bubba I am afraid he is not going to play nice. If both of your sisters and you say he is crazy, then he is acting out his frustrations. Who can understand a mind like that? Has he signed the car over to you yet?

I sure hope he does that. What kind of divorce are you going to get, one that you can do yourself or are you going to get an attorney? He has proved himself unreliable. Oh yeah, silly me I forgot that he is going to sell the car and give you the money.

I am sorry you get long rambling e-mails from him. He has proved himself unreliable. I think you are going to have problems with him until this is all over. I hope you do not have to get a restraining order against him. I hope he stays away and leaves you alone as soon as possible. Hugs and prayers. Hang tough. I think it is going to be a bumpy ride for awhile. But you can do this. I am so happy you are in your own place. That is half the problem. You are changing and he is overreacting.

He has too much time on his hands. I want to ask you though, does he have to win? Is that a part of his personality? Food for thought. You do not have to read his e-mails, you can print them out for evidence if you need them. Have one of your sisters read them for you and let you know if there is anything important you need to know or do. I did this with letters from some of my relatives, I had my husband read them for me and he protected me from the damaging ones. I wish you the best, I am rooting for you. I hope my words helped and did not trigger you.:confused:

 

[BloomInWinter]

There is nothing wrong with carrying pepper spray. We teach college students to carry and we train them how to use it. It's empowering, validating, and a very effective threat for standard jerks.

Your hubby's verbal response is baffling, unless he's an abuser.

Whatever you can find that is effective for you to feel safer in the world, go for it. Eventually, you'll also have a posture, confidence, and look on your face that'll give off the 'don't even THINK about messing with me!' vibe.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Bubba)))))

I've read through some more posts.

It doesn't matter whether or not he wants to accept that you want a divorce. That you want one is enough for you to act. How he feels about it doesn't matter. Just so long as you are sure that is what you want, then time to get all the support you can.

You don't have to tell him anything.

We deal with stalking using technology quite a bit. We tell the victims to keep a log of the behavior, and of course alert the authorities.

An email that often is enough to stop reasonable people is 'Do NOT send me any emails or texts. Any further communications will be given to the authorities.'

Then, do not respond to anything further. Have a trusted person glean them in case there is info you need. Keep all the electronic copies.

Get your name on all your accounts and tell them no transfers or withdrawals over (reasonable amount) without your approval.

Change the passwords to all your social media, and send NO info through social media about your life.

Be safe.

 

[Bubba]

Hi BloomInWinter - thank you so much for that advice. Luckily (or maybe not), I have been thru a stalking situation before. My first husband stalked me for a several months - I almost went into a women's shelter with my children. Since he was a Navy SEAL -I had also learned a lot about self-protection. And being smart and a computer whiz (and also having a father who was a CIA agent) - I always keep records of everything. I've had to call the police before (not with this husband) on many occassions.

I so appreciate what you have said! I've gone ahead and handled all of the accounts. I also removed him off social media and I am very careful what I post. I removed all of his family as well.

Luckily he's not that smart when it comes to the internet and searching. I'm much brighter than him (hence the reason why I was able to log into his dating site accounts - he still doesn't know how I found out and how I logged in there :roflmao:). I am definitely on high alert.

I am going to send him one last message - telling him to go ahead and file for divorce (I can't afford the cost to file). I don't really have to have a divorce (I don't plan on marrying again) - if I need to I will simply file for a legal separation. This is my third marriage - so I'm quite familiar with how it all works.

Ughhh...I just hate that he is so crazy. I hope he can find someone on those dating sites so he can fall in love again and just move on. He swears he will never come to my new home - and so far he has abided by that - but I still keep a watch out just in case.

Thank you everyone for your concern and your help!! You guys are the best!!

 

[BloomInWinter]

Save copies of all his online dating stuff. You may need that.

You can also see friends you share on your FL....If you trust them, clue them in. If now, decrease what they can see.

Also, I'd open an account that is just yours and transfer money into it.

Most of all, trust your gut. Believe nothing he says which isn't matching his actions. If I had been taught to only trust what people do, instead of what they say, I would have been far less gulliable,

 

[Hashi]

Jay walking is illegal in some states too :eek: but what's the point, people do it all the time. How does this even matter? Even if it is illegal, what does it matter?

I'd suggest being a bit careful here. If pepper spray is illegal where you are, then it could matter that your therapist recommended it and/or if you carry it. It depends on the law, but it could get you or your T into trouble for possessing an offensive weapon/illegal item or promoting something illegal. My T told me that one of her other clients was arrested for carrying a knife with a blade bigger than the legal size, even though she was only carrying it and wasn't using it.

If there's anyone who might want to create trouble for you, then you'd be in a vulnerable situation if it's illegal but you carry it anyway, and they know and could report you (or threaten to report you).

I would recommend from this point forward being very very particular in what information you share with your ex. I doubt he has your best interest in mind. Give him the most minimal of information if any.

Absolutely agree.

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

Pepper spray is legal in all 50 states. However each state has their own unique rules regarding size, where to purchase, etc.. Pepper spray must only be used for self defense. To use it for any other purpose is illegal and could be a felony offense.

If it's legal in all 50 states it should be legal for a therapist to recommend it. I would like to see the law that states otherwise.

My above information was referenced from : http://www.pepperspraylaws.com/

Solo

 

[Lucycat]

Wow, this is mind blowing. It is certainly illegal to carry pepper spray in the UK as it is seen as an offensive weapon. But of course we are not allowed knives or guns in public either.

A very different attitude to self defense.

My T recommends me using psychotherapy to regain the feeling of safety and empowerment not weapons, here that would be illegal for him to do so.

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

After some research I discovered it is illegal in Canada but split legal/illegal throughout Europe. Legal in Western Australia but not Eastern Australia, and definitely illegal in UK.

Anybody reading this would be wise to take into account the original poster of this thread lives in the US. Some of the comments including mine originated from that premiss. The laws in other countries as I've stated differ greatly.

I hope that helps. Common sense and doing your own research is the best method. Never be afraid to ask about the local laws in your part of the world.

Solo

 

[Loner]

My T recommends me using psychotherapy to regain the feeling of safety and empowerment not weapons, here that would be illegal for him to do so.

Regaining the feeling of safety is great and a necessary part of healing, but you can't heal if you are dead. Protecting yourself from the possibility of real physical danger takes precedence over long term mental wellbeing. Most murders are drug trade related or a jilted 'loved one'.

I'm not sure this comment will go over well here, but pepper spray is really quite ineffective against a determined adversary, and can actually do just as much to disable the user if used in a confined space. I am not sure exactly what the mental state of the original poster is, perhaps people with overwhelming anxiety and paranoia should not carry firearms, but then again, if you feel you can be safe and responsible, and will take the time to practice and stay proficient, getting your concealed carry permit and a small pistol might be a good idea. It is a big investment in both time and money but if it saves your life it might be worth it. I think only you, perhaps with the help of your therapist, can decide if this is right for you, but it is not illegal for me or your therapist to suggest you do something which is in itself perfectly legal. Your therapist might open themselves up to civil liability if they suggesting someone with obvious violent tendencies and trouble differentiating reality from paranoia carry a firearm, but it still wouldnt be illegal to do so, just not very smart.

At least get a taser or a knife. Pepper spray is pretty much useless, sorry to say. Its not going to stop any of the really crazy people, and in fact might just make them angrier.

 

[The Albatross]

I have pepper spray plus CS military tear gas plus UV marking dye. It was under 15 dollars at Bass Pro Shop. It is legal in my state, fits in my palm and has 35 shots. I use (meaning carry it with me) it when I have to go from parking lots after hours into and out of empty buildings. It may not stop somebody but it will identify them if I have to ID somebody.

I agree that it is okay for a therapist to suggest pepper spray since you are in the states and it is legal in all 50 states. Basically my purpose is to be able to endure the stressful times with some reliance on a deterrant if need be. I can bear up with the more frightening situations, knowing that it's there.

 

[Lucycat]

Regaining the feeling of safety is great and a necessary part of healing, but you can't heal if you are dead. Protecting yourself from the possibility of real physical danger takes precedence over long term mental wellbeing. Most murders are drug trade related or a jilted 'loved one'.

I guess this is where the confusion lies. There is a huge difference to FEELING safe and actually BEING safe.

My T asked me what I was afraid of - was I afraid of being attacked again. I told her not physically, but more emotionally.

The OP herself was talking of the feeling of safety. That comes from within and any amount of weaponry are simple crutches or props.

As a side issue, although as I have already said it is illegal to carry an offensive weapon in the UK, there are some people who can legally have firearms. These include farmers who shoot rabbits for example. They need a license for that. If you declare you have PTSD then the issuing of that license will be closely scrutinised and possibly refused.