Is It Normal Not To Be Believed? (like Friends, Family)

[Cool Cat]

I've stopped bothering trying to tell people who aren't professionals, because it's so hurtful not being believed, am I telling it wrong, or what's happening?

Both in not believing something happened, or being blamed, and in not believing it affects me years after. (When at the time I was fine)

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Some people will believe you and others simply won't. The ones who choose not to believe you, have (in my opinion) a pretty bad lack of empathy or are just otherwise so involved in their own world that they cannot begin to imagine.

These last people are mostly not worth the time, but try to feel with your intuition, who would be receptive of hearing your story and who wouldn't. People who do believe you and take you seriously are invaluable, they just aren't everywhere.

 

[Cool Cat]

The ones who choose not to believe you, have (in my opinion) a pretty bad lack of empathy or are just otherwise so involved in their own world that they cannot begin to imagine.

Problem is, those people are often people who were there, bystanders or perpetrators!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Denial is a pretty powerful thing. Many people don't want to see the truth, even when it is right in their face. The concept of "delayed onset" PTSD is completely beyond most people, but it is actually quite common amongst sufferers. That is, we can appear fine at the time, or even for years afterward. Sometimes we don't become symptomatic until a long time has elapsed.

 

[Cool Cat]

Sometimes we don't become symptomatic until a long time has elapsed.

I agree. It wasn't until I moved away from my hometown that I started to experience stuff

 

[scout86]

Problem is, those people are often people who were there, bystanders or perpetrators!

Those people have a vested interest in seeing things their own way. To accept your version of events probably means having to accept responsibility that they don't want to accept. They're going to have their own way of seeing things that makes it possible for them to live with it.

 

[Cool Cat]

Those people have a vested interest in seeing things their own way. To accept your version of events probably means having to accept responsibility that they don't want to accept. They're going to have their own way of seeing things that makes it possible for them to live with it.

Thats a really good point. I hadnt considered that,

 

[scout86]

It's funny, sometimes, the things we don't think of ourselves, but are obvious once someone else mentions it!

Welcome to the forum, BTW.

 

[Friday]

Ditto @scout86 also...

I spent apx 7 years in the military and then running around the world in conflict zones/ coming back and partying. It all seems perfectly normal in my head... But it's gotten so I don't even believe myself anymore when I start talking, unless I'm talking with other people who've been there. (And then it's like "Oh yeah! And the thing! With the whazzit! Bwaaaahahhaha.) In certain circles, it's very boring/normal. Especially for the very low level I was working in. (I was not special or important, and I f*cked off an awful lot). In most circles it's... I don't know. Comic book stuff. Doesn't compute. Sounds made up. So even the silly stories? The hilarious ones? The sweet and touching ones? The useful life lesson ones? All of them. Stay locked away. Trying to talk about that entire time period before I was a stay at home soccer mom... Is exceptionally difficult.

Most people only understand what they themselves have done, or been direct witness to.

I forget that, when I'm hurting. But it's true of all things, for most people. Whether it's trauma, or shared cabs, or being able to leave you luggage unattended. If it's outside the scope of their personal experience? It's hard to believe.

 

[Cool Cat]

It's funny, sometimes, the things we don't think of ourselves, but are obvious once someone else mentions it! Welcome to the forum, BTW.

Very very true! And theres nothing really you can do about it is there?
Yeah, the sibling who I told was the 'good' sibling when we were kids, and he disagreed with everything I said practically.

 

[Anarchy]

Those people have a vested interest in seeing things their own way. To accept your version of events probably means having to accept responsibility that they don't want to accept. They're going to have their own way of seeing things that makes it possible for them to live with it.

You've just reminded me of something Terry Pratchett wrote, which is probably pertinant to Cool Cat.

to paraphrase Pratchett's humour; The majority of the human brain, that appears to have no purpose, has an essential purpose, it's very busy stopping humans from seeing the things which would seriously screw them up if they ever noticed them.

it's almost certainly untrue in a neurological sense, but there's a lot in it in a cognitive sense.

Welcome Cool Cat.

 

[Tanishq]

Yes, Not many believed in me throughout the life. I always have been defending myself all the time. Yes, I know not many people are going to believe you either. It is kind of tough task to contend with.

I do agree with posters that most people don't want to believe you because it takes lot of work to do that. People are occupied with their own stuff as well.

Once you accept this that majority people don't want to help you, you might shift your focus to find those good people who are really kind and helpful. It will be less draining for you.

Welcome to the forums Cool Cat. :)