Is it possible for someone to truly understand

[Snowflake]

If someone could truly understand all your....trauma, feelings, thoughts...how would you feel? Does it change anything for you! Would healing and therapy be different?

 

[The Albatross]

I would be suspicious and very skeptical. But I had some experiences that made me that way. Healing and therapy would though have likely been different but it's hard to say if that would mean better/faster or longer therapy time.

 

[anonymous]

Yes, it changes everything. It feels like someone cared enough to listen.

 

[Crow]

I have one person who listens and empathizes without judgment or trying to fix me. She simply cares and has compassion. But she says she can't begin to fathom what I've survived.

 

[LoveTea]

As much as I frequently think it would be better if people could "really" understand everything about me, I have also started to intellectually understand that wouldn't be the best thing. For one thing, it means that they would basically have to go through everything I have gone through, and not that I think my experience is special, but I don't like the idea of anyone having gone through exactly what I have gone through. Honestly, I think it would be a pretty unhealthy relationship if someone could relate that intensely.

Although it is sometimes hard at the time when someone doesn't understand, it also forces me to acknowledge some things by saying it out loud. I don't know it would necessarily me true, but I think that someone completely understanding what I have and am experiencing may even keep me from getting better. It is very comfortable to have someone understand, and if someone understands, I may not bother trying to get better because it seems easier not to.

I have found that finding people who understand pieces of what I am experiencing helpful though. My best friend has had bad anxiety in the past, so she really knows what to do in those situations. Other people have had a shitty home life and can commiserate, and sometimes even joke about various rediculous incidents. I found that piecing it out like that can help me not feel so alone, and keeps the stress on the people around me a little lower.

In other words, I think in theory it would be great to sit down with someone who completely understood for a couple hours, but I think in thr long run in would actually prevent or prolong the healing process.

 

[Snowflake]

As much as I frequently think it would be better if people could "really" understand everything about m...

Well said :)

 

[EveHarrington]

All?

No.

This is impossible IMHO.

It is however possible IME to find someone who can try to understand us, and can empathize with us much/most of the time.

 

[Snowflake]

All?

No.

This is impossible IMHO.

It is however possible IME to find someone who can try to...

I always tell my therapist "I just want you to understand." So she asked "what would be different?" The answer is nothing

 

[shimmerz]

If someone could truly understand all your.

Honestly? I don't care so much about them understanding as much as I would appreciate some respect for the journey that I have been on. I wish people would stop pathologizing trauma reactions. That would make my life infinitely easier.

 

[Deleted member 541]

No one can fully understand, unless they have gone through exactly what we've been through. I think empathy, listening and trying to understand us is probably all we can ask for.

 

[The Albatross]

@Snowflake re: Post 8... what would be different? Nothing.
Bingo and exactly right... which brings it back around to how you feel about yourself, how you interpret your experiences, and how you nurture in yourself a sense of SELF understanding/empathy.