Is It That Easy For People To ....

[J_trustno1]

Move from one person to another?

This is about an acquaintance I met at tertiary Institute 7 years ago. He was a good friend but then we lost contact since we had different goals and I shifted to university.

Anyway, let's us get back to the main topic. So my acquaintance had a girlfriend for the last 4-5 years and he proposed her last year. It was all over Facebook in their photos and him proposing to her and all (he's obviously my friend on Facebook). They were engaged probably around this time of the year last year or a bit later can't remember exact time. They always posted their romantic pics on Facebook and it was always in news in the newsfeed.

Now here comes the shock: today when I logged into Facebook he posted his relationship with another girl stating they are in a relationship. The thing I don't understand is this is that he was in long term relationship with his fiancé till probably December 2014 and now it's not even exactly mid-April that he's with a new girl.

I know that it's none of my business what people do but I can't get over the fact how people move from one person to another in matter of weeks or months despite knowing the other person for a long time. It could be his ex's fault or him but are relationships that easy to get over a person? ??

It took me more than a year to stop dwelling and crying over my ex but I still think of him till date when depressed even after 2 years. I know that my acquaintance and I are different people with different experiences but it ridiculous how people advertise their relationship status or personal possessions on social media.

 

[mrsps]

I think there are some people that just can not be on their own. There for they jump from one relationship to another. They may not be over the ex but have moved on to another as their way of dealing with it.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Some people make the switch immediately. Sad, really.

 

[WildMermaid]

Everyone has their own timeline for healing and reasons for getting in, and staying in relationships. None of us can know what is going on in our neighbors house nor their hearts. Sometimes I've bounced out of one relationship and directly into another. Other times I've not. I just don't think we can say if we're not in their shoes. Some loves make ripples in your soul and some make tidal waves.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

However I do think it is unhealthy when that's all you do and you are never single, ie you leave one relationship and immediately enter another. It is a sign that a person is unable to be by themselves, and is possibly co-dependent and jumping from one co-dependent relationship to another.

I had a friend who thought it was sad that I was always single. I thought it was sad that she had an inability to be single. I think it would have shattered her world to not be with a partner at all times.

 

[J_trustno1]

You're spot on @Solara. After a break you need some time to gather up yourself and be with yourself for some time before jumping onto another. There is a lot to learn and grow after a break up. I saw exactly the same thing with a class mate at uni who couldn't be single. After her boyfriend dumped her she quickly moved to another guy within like less than 3 weeks.

For me, it is just difficult to jump onto another person that quickly because you are still dwelling and grieving over the breakup. But again, everyone is different. It takes me about 2 years and a bit to move on from one person maybe because my trauma and depression are part of it.

 

[WildMermaid]

My longest term relationship (18 yrs and counting :) almost 16 years of marriage ) was one I jumped right into. I don't regret him for a second. <3

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think we are all indeed different. Some people jump into "relationships" just to say they have someone, but the truth may be that the bond really isn't that deep and they just want some sort of companionship. On the other hand, for me, things are VERY serious if I get to the point of being in a relationship as I don't do it just to have someone to hang out with and go out with. (I think that happens more in high school and college, ie a more casual dating type of thing because people want someone yet aren't necessarily to the point of wanting to be serious. I know that I have been to a higher level of "seriousness" with guys that I haven't even been officially in a relationship with than many people get to in their actual boyfriend/girlfriend labeled relationships. So, we're all different, and as such, someone may be able to break up from someone else and get over it faster, but it may be a matter of them never having been all that serious about the person to begin with.

ETA this was for J and not a response to Mermaid, I wasn't criticizing her or anything!

 

[illusionist]

Sometimes people ' get over' the relationship while they are still in it....by the time they get out of the relationship their emotions etc of that person are done and dealt with. They can be, at least, emotionally, ready for the new life they have been wishing for , for so long.

 

[Friday]

I know that it's none of my business what people do but I can't get over the fact how people move from one person to another in matter of weeks or months despite knowing the other person for a long time. It could be his ex's fault or him but are relationships that easy to get over a person? ??.

1 - It could also be no one's fault. I can think of 100s of things -easily- that might have happened that would lead 2 smart, mature people, who love each other to break up... instead of get married! From the simplest; one wants to get married and the other -after taking time to consider- doesn't....to being good partners in school, but out of school, find themselves quite different with each other... To wanting to pursue different things in their lives that are mutually exclusive (one wants public life, the other private life; one wants family, the other doesn't want children as just a couple reasons)... To -as I said- hundreds of "no fault" reasons.

These are some of the best break-ups around... Because you get to still love & be loved by your friend. Neither is stringing the other person along, neither hurt the other, neither screwed up. A good relationship, that you leave a better person than you were when you started, and have a dear -and usually lifelong- friend by the end of it.

2 - It could also be a common thing in long term relationships... That the real "relationship" ended quite some time ago. In LTRs, people don't usually break up over a bad day/ week/ month. It's common for even great marriages to have bad years , where even the best "day" in that year is breakup worthy in a new relationship. In LTRs most of the grieving is done inside the relationship. By the time divorce (or breaking up) happens, there has already been 1+ years of grieving the lost relationship & many many attempts to put things right, only to have it fail time and again. By the time the couple officially splits up? Both could have already been ready to "move on" for months.

3 - Rebound relationships are anything from a one night stand to a fling of a few weeks or months, and their exact purpose is to help get over a person you aren't over, yet. Especially from fault-type break ups, forgetting the cruelty of one man in the loving arms of another? Being found attractive/smart/funny by a beautiful woman, after your ex girlfriend cheated on you? Rebounds can be incredibly useful & uplifting tools.

4 +

The above are just 3 (hundred) very healthy normal things in relationships. 4+ is another several (dozen, hundred) items long list of things it "could" be. Ranging from healthy to unhealthy, easy to difficult.

Thing is... People are different. Relationships are different. That two people were together 7 years, engaged, broke up, and started dating a few months later? Is simply not enough data to form any kind of conclusion. You have no idea if either is over the other, how easy or difficult it was or is for either of them, or whether either is going about moving on with their life in a healthy or unhealthy way for people in general, much less what is best for each individual in particular!

I think you're leaping to conclusions here. People are complicated. Life, more so.