Is It Time To Let Go Of The Self-help Addiction?

[Deleted member 18673]

I have been so determined to improve myself, fix myself, cure myself, challenge myself... I've gone to seminars, watched hundreds of Youtube videos, read dozens of books, gone to classes, been to therapy...

And I still have PTSD, anxiety/panic, and depression. The only things that help me cope are meds and mindfulness/meditation.

But I constantly find myself buying new self-help workbooks and reading up on method after method of changing yourself, curing yourself, finding happiness... and everytime I get frustrated and desperate when these things don't work. I've tried so hard and in the end I had to stop working and I've just been approved for disability, which has really hit me in the face about how debilitated I am. I keep thinking I'll find that one self help book, that one motivational video, that will finally be the key to helping me overcome my issues. I should keep trying, shouldn't I? Never give up? Not settle? But I get anxious and exhausted and more and more dispirited with each new plan that fails to work. Should I just accept where I am and what I can't do, or should I keep trying to 'heal'?

 

[The Albatross]

Perhaps you could work on the anxiety you are producing when certain techniques or information doesn't work? I have attempted all manner of things, I usually find one thing, sometimes more that is helpful. I put the books back on the shelf to go through again if/when I improve enough to take another run through the material.

Find a belief maybe that better serves you than " I get anxious and exhausted and more and more dispirited with each new plan that fails to work." Like, "I am willing to attempt different things and learn new skillsets because any improvement in any area is a success." (Or something like that.) Having multiple issues, sometimes it is hard to notice small improvements.

 

[franciemarnie]

Maybe try a new healing option like somatic therapy or some of the other ways people find release and relief. The trauma is in the body after the precipitating event. It's got to get out. Books can enlighten but unless they give me exercises I can use to rid myself of trauma energy, then I don't change internally.

Never give up!!

 

[marylouise]

I was a lot like you as a young person. I am amazed at much hope I had. I needed all of it. Don't give up. I suspect this aspect of your personality will get you through. It's a strength, even though you may be frustrated a lot. I did so much too. I went gung-ho into recovery. In retrospect, so much of what I did was helpful even if I didn't see it then. But also, I found so much healing from unexpected paths, especially from things that addressed my body and from being with other people.

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at one point, and I choose to change the way I ate and managed stress and exercised. That was so healing. Learning to cook healthy food was so healing. And discovering how enjoyable food could be. Learning to listen to my body during exercise was healing. Eventually, yoga was healing. Sitting in the sun was healing. Nature was healing. I had to prioritize all these things. I am amazed by how much prioritizing listening to live music mattered. That made life worth living in a way nothing else did. Making collages for other people was healing. Later, I had healing friendships. Laughing like a maniac with friends. Dancing till 2am. Really great parties. I've read memoirs and novels and watched movies that made me cry out so much sadness. Finding a church that felt good. None of this was necessarily specifically for recovery, but instead for making a good life.

If I was to give you any advice (and I'm hesitant, but you sort-of asked), I'd say maybe you need a break and maybe you could concentrate on making a good life for yourself rather than recovery specifically. That's what you're trying to get to anyway, right? I suspect you'd find, like I did, that pursuing things that make you feel good works for your recovery anyway.

I was on disability too. I felt like such a failure, but actually it was the best thing that could have happened to me - and I say happened because oh, did I resist it. I'm not saying it was easy. I sometimes ran out of money before the end of the month. I hated when people asked me 'what do you do?' But it gave me the time and space for healing, which was what I needed the most. I had never had that before. I thank God/Goddess/the gods/the universe for it now. I hope you find it's a blessing for you too.

The Serenity Prayer helped me a lot, even though I wasn't an addict. It's tricky though. I could ask myself what I can and cannot change everyday now and forever because it's still a bit of a puzzle. Puzzling it out helps though. Very healing.

God grant me
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Should I just accept where I am and what I can't do, or should I keep trying to 'heal'?

Hey Conquer! You are terrific!

When I was a wee lass:p, the teachers sadly looked at my parents during a conference and told them that people who had my learning disability did not make it to or out of high school. Not only that, but at that time in the 1960's-80's, Harvard School of Medicine actually published that they thought dyslexics had smaller brains. :wtf: How's that for positivity? lol

*I now have more than a few degrees, still crappy English but made it my quest to teach those with disabilities, social-economic underdogs and the forgotten or slighted. Success became even more rewarding. In other words, we can elect to blaze our own trail.

So you tell me...are you quitting on you? You can make a difference.
Be the blaze and Conquer !

 

[Deleted member 18673]

Perhaps you could work on the anxiety you are producing when certain techniques or information doesn't work?

Find a belief maybe that better serves you than " I get anxious and exhausted and more and more dispirited with each new plan that fails to work." Like, "I am willing to attempt different things and learn new skillsets because any improvement in any area is a success."

You are totally right. I am expecting to find the cure, instead of small improvements here and there. Maybe taking a more realistic approach is what I need.

 

[The Albatross]

Sometimes it's a "just noticeable difference" sort of thing (healing)... a very slow almost imperceptible sort of thing... because of course what I, we, you mostly want is it fixed RIGHT NOW, ALL OF IT... and it just doesn't happen that way. So I try to be aware of those barely perceptible subtle things and what I was doing, thinking, or practicing that may have bumped me up a notch in some area. Hope this helps.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

To be honest, most of the "self-help" crap out there is made for "normal" people. You know, the type who are depressed because life threw them a little curve ball of getting dumped, or something else seemingly mundane. Self-help books aren't designed for those with PTSD. Yes, there are PTSD workbooks and such, but in my experience, we need hard-hitting types of therapy, and the self-help books are just an adjunct to the therapy, not the main course.

Of course, I have my go-to CBT for Dummies book that I recommend to everyone under the sun, but would it alone (or even in conjunction with every other self-help book out there) have healed me? Nope.

Don't ever give up. Why do I say this? Outside of CBT, ALL of my most healing therapies aren't mainstream. I burned through the mainstream ones pretty quickly and realized they couldn't help me. And to be honest, CBT helps mainly with my obsessive thinking, which is outside the scope of the PTSD diagnosis, anyway.

So keep fighting, keep pushing forward. I mean, what other option do you have?