Is It Worth It?

[Olam]

A year and a half after my last rape I got a call today asking for me to testify against him. Will doing this cause more harm then good for me? I'm not sure I could face being in the same room as him as how our last face to face meeting ended. I used to think all I want is for him to go to jail but now at what cost to me.

 

[Bakiwo]

Gosh I really cant't advise you as I think it is possibly different for each of us. I never did I afraid. I wish I could have. Maybe what is important is to consider your options but keep in mind that it is OK not to too. Some find it empowering others re traumatising and some both. Good luck.

 

[Napico]

I never even reported all the abuse and the rapes in my early adult years, but I did report the last rape-attempt to the police, but it never went to court, so I didn't have the option you have. I can imagine the horror, fear and wanting not to testify and have to go all of this. But if I had the choice I would do it, not matter how hard it would get during the process. I would do it for me, but even if I didn't feel like doing it for me, I would do it for the other women this man may have hurt and/or will hurt in the future. To try to stop him, even though I know I can't really. I think it would feel a lot better afterwards, even though the process would be tough to go through. The police investigation after my rape-attempt was really horrible and so humiliating(due the police-womens humiliating questions and other stuff). It was actually as bad as the rape-attempt it self. But I do not regret reporting it to the police. I'm proud that I did. And IF this man ever is in trial and I can testify against him I WILL. Nothing could stop me. Not even the fear of him. I'm so tired of living in fear..

Do you have support around you? Can you find support to get you through this process if you don't have that support now? How do you think you will feel about it all afterwards- either you back down or you testify? Do some thinking about it and then make a adult decision. Good luck! And I really empathize with the fear you feel. I won't lie, since the trial might be very hard you and might be like going through hell. (Sometimes the people in the justice-system is really disrespectful too..)

 

[Eso]

I wish I could have had the opportunity you're being presented with, to be honest. I'm not saying go do it, because that's your choice, but if you feel that you can, I think you should try.

I reported the person who had raped me many times over the years (my father) as a young adult, 4 years after the last rape. There was no evidence to hold against him by then, so it never went to court. Would it have been difficult to see him again, particularly in that context? Yes, it would have. No one is going to deny that. -but it also would have been empowering, to be the one who's testimony against him sealed his fate. It would have also brought me peace of mind, because I know I wasn't his only victim, and if he could be stopped and locked away, I might be saving others.

 

[Ifepad]

I can imagine the horror, fear and wanting not to testify and have to go all of this.
Do you have support around you? Can you find support to get you through this process if you don't have that support now? How do you think you will feel about it all afterwards- either you back down or you testify? I won't lie, since the trial might be very hard you and might be like going through hell. (Sometimes the people in the justice-system is really disrespectful too..)

I can't imagine myself doing this because I don't have the support of my family, I do have support from my significant other and my therapist but does my therapist count as they will probably try and get her to paint me as being the bad person in the situation when all I was doing was looking out for my kids. Wow that was a long sentence LOL. Him going to court isn't really what I want, what I would want is far more graphic but everyone has dreams now and then about what they would do to their abuser if the chance was given. I'm not going to justify doing anything to him that I went through but I guess court is one way to be happier about it. I do fear they will drag my son (abuser is sperm donor) into this trying to paint me as a bad mother which if I were just because he was the product of the rape's my son wouldn't even be here today I would've listened to everyone saying get an abortion. Now look at him hes happy healthy 1 year old boy with a great set of grandparents and a great grandmother that loves him to death.