Is There Anything I Can Agree With My T For When I'm Too Dissociated To Safely Get Myself Home?

[digger]

Might your partner phoning you at agreed length of time after your session be of help? If your T can ask you to switch your phone on at the end of session, and you have an agreement with your partner that she will call 15 minutes after your session is scheduled to end to see how you're at. If nothing else, hearing her might help bring you out of it a bit, and if she is concerned she might ask you then if she can speak to your T.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@barefoot
Yea, it takes partice while stable to be able to ground while stressed :hug:

 

[barefoot]

@ladee Talking to my therapist about it today, it seems what happened in last week's session took us both by surprise. I did notice it and she didn't spot it either - until I stood up at the end and almost fell over.

Usually, she spots me "going" before I realise I am.

 

[barefoot]

@Sandstone When I first started seeing her I worked in London, so it was pretty convenient. Now I don't so it's a long trip but I like her a lot so want to stick with her instead of looking for someone closer to home to start anew with

I'm still not fully recalibrated a week on. I'm not now dissociating and I can now feel my body. But my brain is definitely not fully functional yet...I'm still easily sliding into trances, I'm being very forgetful (especially around things like forgetting what someone's just asked me or forgetting what I'm saying when I'm halfway through a sentence.

Spoke to therapist today about having a safety plan and spoke to my partner when I got home. Think my plan is going to be that my therapist will get me in a cab to take me from her office to the London station. I'll then get the train and my partner will drive to pick me up from another station. This seems workable. As long as I will allow my therapist to implement what we've agreed when it comes to it! She seems to think that if she tells me "this is what we agreed" then I will go with it. I'm not so sure...!

 

[barefoot]

@digger Hmm...I see what you mean but that feels like my partner would be checking up on me, even though I know that's not how it is.

We do generally have an understanding that I'll text her when I leave London - so if she doesn't get that she will assume I've either got delayed on a tube or that there's been a problem in my session.

Also - while I anticipate that this is likely to happen again at some point (hence having a back up plan seems prudent!) it's not like it's a regular occurrence. So I'd feel bad about my partner having to call every week when the chances are everything's fine.

 

[anonymous]

Could you write that agreement down and have it in your bag in case you aren't able to remember at the time? And maybe she could keep a copy too? I struggle to have any sense of perspective when I am right in it. I would have your partners name and number on there and the train you need to catch too.

I agree with practicing grounding all the time while one is OK to help build the skills for when one isnt. Mindfulness is good for that for me. And to help notice the beginnings of one slipping. Strong peppermint essential oil is also a good one for me and maybe she could keep something like that in her room? Did she get you to name things in her room and colours and ask today questions like current politicians and what address you are at, how old you are?

One thing I avoid is sitting still too long or looking too long at one point during therapy and a cold glass of water to sip is helpful too. As is stamping my feet.

 

[joeylittle]

I think you and your therapist can be more transparent with each other about transitioning out of session. If you have 90 minutes, around the 55/60 minute mark the session needs to be about putting you back in the present. And if things are going effectively in the trauma work and you want to push on and risk being dissociated at end of session, you can let that be a choice and call your partner yourself to make arrangements for travel home.

I do 90 or 120 minute sessions and the last half hour generally needs to be transitioning me back. My therapist is a stickler about it, but I appreciate it.

 

[Ocean5]

My doc/therapist when she learned how dissociated I'd become... told me I could stay in her waiting room as long as I needed. If weather was good sometimes I'd just sit outside her building. Sometimes I'd dissociate before being able to make it to her office - which left me in fear.

I learned I had one relative I could call on walk to train station to help keep me calm. That helped a lot just to be on phone with her to keep me grounded.

My trip involved walking or taxi, then train ride....but I don't see her anymore. Things where getting too intense too fast.

 

[anonymous]

My therapist rings me to get me back into a state where I can walk and even stand up. I am sometimes so unbalanced I can hardly walk , sometimes she has to ring me lots of times and she just gets me to listen to my ring tone which we have got for her so I can remember who and where I am. She makes me wait in another room until I'm safe to leave. Drinking water helps. And just sitting quietly by yourself in a safe place alone helps you to get grounded. I have be so bad I have vomited more than a few times in her restroom. I still feel sick for the next day and just feel so tired and yuck.

 

[barefoot]

@anonymous - yes, having the agreement written down and with us in the session might be a good idea. I'll do that.

She doesn't ever get me to name things in the room/colours etc. She'll sometimes try to encourage me to talk about other things. So, she'll try to engage me in conversation about where I live. Or my cats. It doesn't often get us very far though because I generally find it too hard to work out and then articulate my answers. So, I tend to not really answer her.

I actually have an oil in my bag but don't think she knows that, so I should probably tell her! She has a room spray. In retrospect, I'm surprised she didn't spray that around.

Perhaps it would be a good idea for me to just have some things out on the table right from the start of the session (the oil, my hand cream, some strong mints) instead of me then having to find things in my bag when I'm in a state. I might be more likely to catch it early and do something then. And it will mean that I won't be thrown by my bag suddenly not feeling like it's my bag, which is what happened last week.

A few weeks ago I was dissociating (not in such a state as I was in last week) and my therapist spoke quite sharply and it really made me jump. And I think the adrenaline of being startled snapped me out of it. So, we said that was helpful to know - that she can sort of scare me out of it - and we agreed that she could do that in future (make a loud, sudden noise) She didn't do that last week though. I think she's probably forgotten.

My memory of last week is that she was sitting quietly with me while I dissociated, or she was asking me about train times, getting home, calling a cab/my partner, or she was encouraging me to spray my perfume/use hand cream/eat mints. Perhaps I need to remind her about the making me jump thing (I suppose it's possible that she hadn't forgotten and that she made an assessment that scaring me in that state wasn't a good idea). But perhaps we also need to talk about other ways to help ground me.

 

[barefoot]

Thanks @joeylittle Yes, in sessions where I get spacey, we do spend time making sure I'm present and in my body so that when we get to the endofthesession I'm in an OK place and can leave. Somehow, last week seemed to take us both by surprise. So I don't think either of us realised that need was there. So perhaps we ought to do it every time, regardless of whether we think we need to?

 

[barefoot]

@Ocean5 and @anonymous - the thing is, if she told me to wait in another room, I think I'd probably say I was going to wait there and then I'd just leave...

Hmm...it feels like I need to be able to regulate myself better...to recognise when I'm getting disregulated, to recognise when I'm not functioning to be able to make good judgements and to be able to trust someone so that I listen to them and let them help to look after me.