Is There Such A Thing As Tmi In Therapy?

[lostforgottensoul]

@joeylittle, no.

Say I am describing a punishment and get into detail that is super graphic and not needed he will usually pick up the convo and move it along. If I am feeling safe enough to descrbe a punishment, I get sort of lost in it and can really give out unneeded info.

He won't tell me it's too graphic or too much info or unneeded or anything like that. It's more how I have taken our conversations through the years.

 

[Suzetig]

I think there's no such thing as TMI, I think there's moving too fast, not being ready to talk about X and maintaining defences - one of which is avoidance - and it all serves a purpose. I'm quite respectful of my own defences, if I push to talk about something and find it too hard I'll stop because the resistance is there for a reason.

So it might just not be time yet for you to share, or you might be holding back for some reason. It's all stuff for therapy.

@Simply Simon i have exactly the same difficulty in talking about consensual sex - rape and abuse, no bother; sex in my marriage, not a chance. I need to though and I'm working up to it.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I think that my therapist kind of made tmi safe and comfortable from the start when she said the word "vagina" in our first appointment. I was thinking in my head, "wow, she just went there."

 

[barefoot]

I don't think there's such a things as TMI in therapy - as in I don't think we should feel that we shouldn't share things we want to share because it's TMI.

But, as others have said, that doesn't mean everyone is ready to share everything all of that time. Or even that it would be helpful for them to do so.

In some cases - but definitely not all - I would say what you're describing *could* be a form of avoidance. But even if you *are* being avoidant, I wouldn't attach any judgement or criticism to that ie avoidance isn't necessarily "bad and wrong".

For me, avoidance is one of my key defence mechanisms. Avoidance, denial and dissociation - all three make therapy very challenging and frustrating for me because they kick in (usually when shame is present) without me meaning them too and then I am gone and it's game over - we can't do any more work and it makes for very slow progress. I beat myself up about this for a long, long time and sometimes still do. But I have generally come to accept and respect that our unconscious defences are there for a reason - self-protection, generally. And, in my experience and according to my therapist, you can't really just force your defence mechanisms to stop/move aside Just because you or your therapist wants it to.

If you are deliberately being avoidant then, sure, you have more control over whether you choose to keep avoiding it or whether you choose to push yourself onwards and through it. Even so though, I would still argue that if you are consciously, deliberately avoiding stuff, there is a reason - and perhaps more than one reason - why you don't want to go there.

Personally, I think it is very useful to try to examine (with your therapist, on your own or with people here) our avoidance/resistance to find out what's underneath it, what it's for, how well it is serving us (or not!).
I don't think it's useful to be punitive about it - for your therapist or for you to give you a hard time about it not being helpful or there being no place for it in the therapy room etc.

If your therapist hasn't come across people avoiding things with her before because they feel embarrassed or ashamed or afraid or whatever else, I am stunned. I would have thought a therapy room is a very common place for it!

As for what has helped me...
As an unconscious defence mechanism, avoidance is still very strong for me and I'm not making much headway with that at the moment.

The deliberate, conscious, feeling too embarrassed and not knowing how to go there though...If there are things you do really want to share and feel ready to but you feel too embarrassed to get the words out in the moment in front of her or you don't know how to bring it up...
You could write it down and email it to her/hand it to her in session/read it out to her in session. That can sometimes help. If I'm about to share something that I think it embarrassing, I will often name it and say something like "I want to say something but it's embarrassing and I don't know how to say it..." Any good therapist would then help you with expressing it. I also sometimes ask my therapist not to look at me and she is fine with that and very discreetly looks away and then often the shame feels less intense.

 

[amosmorris]

My therapist has suggested--with a lot of care--that I've been "holding out on her" and...well, in some ways she's been right and in others, I don't always know what my deal is--I need the time to work through and/or respond to the fact that I feel ashamed and to get at a thing. I agree with those who said it's more about pacing than it is about tmi often. More than anything I think a way I hold out on her is that I don't just go with expressing what I'm feeling but do a lot of evaluating whether or not whatever I'm feeling is legit or weird or valuable or blah blah....obviously this isn't good and we have our best sessions when I can let go of my filtering tendencies. That said--when I do just let something go--I also take a step or two back in trusting her, as I'll start to feel newly unsafe or unsure, too vulnerable. So there's also always this two steps forward/one step back process; I think it's just the process for me--and I think many others here too--but it requires really a lot of time and patience. I don't think this kind of work can be forced.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I haven't read all the responses yet, so forgive us if we are repeating here.

Avoidance is such a loaded word in therapy. I know that some cognitive therapists throw it around like it is a sin that we are committing, a flaw, a badness that we need to purge.

Psycho-dynamic therapists don't think that, and I tend to agree with their view points more. Yes, it is avoidance. But if it is avoiding because you aren't ready? No big deal. I foudn that I need to go slow in order to not unhinge myself and to stay functional and a part of society. For me, that requires a level of dissociation and a level of avoidance. I know this. My therapist knows that. And we have both agreed that going slow and keeping me in work, engaged with friends, taking care of myself, trumps overcoming avoidance a.

Don't stress. No such thing as TMI for the therapist, but there might be such a things for you, and that is totally okay.

 

[Changing4Best]

I've told my T in general about my having been molested as a child and raped repeatedly by a boyfriend as an adult. I have not gone into details. I think what we did work on was how this relates to my life today and more of that kind of thing. She did not force me to dig deeply into any of it. I am grateful for that. Just the fact that I was able to talk about it at all was a blessing.

In fact, I find it easier to share about it here, like in my Trauma Diary, than I did with her. Somehow, writing about it is easier than talking about it. Also, when folks here were so kind in their replies to my TD, it made it easier to go on writing it. Then, finally, I felt as if I had finished writing it. I did not go back to writing any more on it at all. It is now closed to replies anyway, so I can't add to it, but that is OK, because trauma is a closed book in my life. I hope it never occurs again!

I am careful. I always lock my door. I chain it at night. I don't often go out after dark, and if I do, I do so with others, not by myself. I always ask the person who drops me off at my home to be sure to wait in the driveway until I have entered my home, before they drive off. They are really more than happy to do so. People care about my safety. That is a true friend. (I live in a not so good neighborhood, so all this really matters).

 

[Butterflies2023]

Writing - I have written it down and dropped it off in the mail slot of the therapist office. I used weekly therapy for 5 years (biweekly) when initially and writing was immensely helpful. I kept it to three pages most often so just needed to make the effort to use my voice to verbally communicate what happened. But the most downright creepy unnatural stuff - how do you put in words - writing helped.

 

[Deleted member 41318]

So, I have hit a block in therapy. And it's happened before with previous therapists. I hold things...

Not knowing the nature and the trip I was on was multiple assault, I can say much was dawning on me at the time of therapy and I was glad for an allay. When we took our these electric tools of the trade, I wasn't a fan as had already been through delving/diving into the matter. Don't recall the clinical term for the therapy, but we went into it knowing that maybe uncomfortable, and to stop was no contention.