Is this dissociation??

[Hopefulphoenix]

Hi. Im on waiting list to see therapist, so I am trying my best to piece together trauma knowledge to help myself right now.
I am in a long lasting depression, but as well as feeling symptoms from this I have an increase in in my cptsd symptoms, worsening the depression.
Unlike generic depression, I feel very scared of the world around me, as well as the strong emotions within.
I cant use my sight to ground me as things feel threatening. (Its hard to explain but I feel a sense of dread like Im in a horror movie with no monsters.)
I feel very unsafe but occasionally when I do feel calmer inside, its like the external world becomes clear. Well clearer. I feel more awake, or maybe like I sense a clearer distinction between what is within and what without.
Could this mean Im dissociating alot? Is it a kind of derealization?? Can anybody shed light on this experience from your own?

 

[Abstract]

Hi and welcome.
I can't say for sure what is happening for you of course. What I will say is that I see some forms of dissociation as being on a continuum between being fully awake and fully unconscious/asleep. Sometimes it can be a little like having had a glass of wine and sometimes way more. So if you are feeling clearer and more present more awake and connected to yourself I think its possible that you are mildly dissociated before in general. Are you doing mindfulness or constant grounding of some sort?