Is this normal?

[Gs172003]

A couple things I need to clarify...

I asked her permission to bring him the first time. She didn't treat that session like a marriage counseling session so I didn't see the next one being a problem.
The next one she asked if she could ask him a question that had nothing to do with me. That's it. She didn't ask if we could focus on him, change the direction of the therapy, or anything else.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I took my husband with me to counseling the last two times as moral support.

This was your first mistake..

It then became a marriage counseling session.

And then it turned into this...

 

[Freida]

I'm going to guess that she included your husband because she wasn't sure where you wanted to go with your therapy. So let's bring husband in and see if that helps point us a Direction.

The problem with that is it's not the direction you want to go, so I think it conversations in order between you and her on maybe what you see is your short-term goals for therapy.

And as far as why are you afraid of her? Well cuz you're getting ready to tell her your deepest darkest secrets and it takes a long time to build trust with somebody before you can do that.

Maybe you can have a conversation with her about some easier things, like some basic coping skills when you're out in the world, or better ways to communicate with hubby, things are a little more simple.

 

[Mach123]

This is what makes being nice so hard. This is going to be hard for you but you have to do it. You are going to have the usual problems and much depends on the personality and approach of your T. It's a shame for you to have to be forced into a situation this difficult early in your therapy and I'm sorry. : ( You have to tell him and if you can't get anywhere in a session or so you'll have a decision to make. Not being assertive or knowing how to be assertive or having submissiveness be a part of your personality because of your condition might make it impossible. (I am like this) Is this a trauma therapist? What you've said so far makes me think probably not? So you can bounce it around here which is good and I'll tell you right now your thinking about this is great, you should question it, and she should be responding to your needs, not the other way around, and you have to say stop right now and let's go over this. If you can't do it or you sense you are not able to because you feel intimidated we have a problem. She should be creating an environment where you feel 1000% comfortable! This is hard stuff here you are going to have to talk about hard stuff with her. When I have to do this with my T I tell her "we have a little house cleaning to do today." lol

 

[Gs172003]

This is what makes being nice so hard. This is going to be hard for you but you have to do it. You ar...

Yes she's a trauma therapist which is why it threw me.

 

[Mach123]

OK, so tell her. I know it'll be hard but she should know right away and back off and ask you what's bothering you and try to fix it? She's not the only one I had to train my therapist quite a bit and i rant and rave about her and stuff but I had a bunch of problems with her saying stuff to me I didn't like or thought was not appropriate and I would tell her. Actually, I'd obsess about it all week and go in and blast her. lol She was really good for me though? IDK if anyone else could have put up with me especially in the beginning because I was always yelling at her. Part of that was to try and scare her away and then I had to try really hard to make her not like me. It didn't work. (or she's a really good actress) Lots of it was probably my state of mind also? IDK. Your therapist works for you though, not the other way around. They have to balance between being firm and overwhelming the client, it must be really hard. I hope you can talk to her, and I hope she listens. I had my wife in session with more than one therapist. I think that's fine. It is good for the therapist to see your partner because she will learn a lot about you from that but, just as a reference, your therapy is all about you. It's not marriage counseling.

 

[Gs172003]

OK, so tell her. I know it'll be hard but she should know right away and back off and ask you what's b...

Thank you