Is This Ok To Write To Therapist?

[Bloomy]

I wrote this to therapist after year of problems based on follow link:

Link Removed

I dont know Marianne. Everything has been so weird between us. And I'm frankly sick and nauseous and tired of feeling I constantly bring this up. And Im the only one to address the topic. Even do I brought it up to you that something beteween us is not working. And what does it with me that I alone all the time to be responsible in a relationship that includes more than me?

I am left with the impression of what is in the record here is what you think. I could be wrong. But we are not talking so what do I know. What I know is that you have asked me to take responsibility on a few occasions. You say you do not understand or are helpless. What I know is that I am so afraid of hurting you that I am afraid to take up these things with you because I do not want you to be upset. But wonder if you're thinking the same thing when you say things like this to me? Are you thinking about that that kind of sentences are hurtful to me? Wondering if you at all understand the context of my life story? That to tell me to take responsibility wrong adress cause its what my whole life has been built on until now? It was not Susanne (work consler) who took charge and got in touch with me regarding IPS project. It was I who took responsibility and made a thorough search and several phone calls to find her. It was not Susanne or someone else so tok responsibility and lined up on the exam at Stovner despite the traumatic memories I have linked to the place. Nor was Susanne or someone else who took responsibility and dug me out of the ditch after dad raped me when I was 27 years. It was no other than myself who took charge and pulled myself together to take education as coach after he did this. And also took responsibility searched for victim compensation.

I wonder what you really think of me sometimes.? As it says in the article - healthy people will not have pity. They want to be understood and be validated. They will not be victimized. Narsisister will not be held liable. They will have free rein and escape responsibility.

I do NOT want anyone to feel sorry for me. I wish to be understood and validated.

I have no longer know how to get through to you. L can no longer take this responsibility in addition to everything else.
I am NOT a victim to recive disability benefit as you talked about might be the best for me. It is NOT a pity for me. I can and I will. But I can not fight like this against the world long to be understood.

I've been afraid to say this to you because I just do not want to hurt you. But what should I do when its not working between us Marianne? I get hurt my self as I did not experience to be greeted heard or understood?

I like you as a human and I know that you want the best for me in the bottom ground. But as you said yourself - you are powerless and helpless and do not understand. But I know you want me best and this is what basically has made me despite everything has maintained contact with you.

I can not go on. It makes utter hurts to bad.

Push send before I regret.

 

[sedna]

I think its okay to say all of that to your therapist. It's okay to write things to them if its important to you but you know you cant say it right in a session.

It sounds like she has run out of ways she thinks she can help you to me. That happens, its happened to me before. You've seen her for a long time so
there's a bond and it is emotionally difficult to leave that.

Usually when a therapist says things like they feel helpless, dont understand or keep telling you to take responsibility they just dont know what to do for you in therapy anymore. If they care about you it can be hard to just tell you that you would be better off trying someone new. They're human and get a little attached too, they just cant say so.

I think its good that you were honest. Probably someone new would be better for you, you're worrying about her feelings and thats too much burden for you.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

I am glad you are speaking freely to her in an email. Hopefully she will reflect.

 

[Bloomy]

@Kaluki Im just so worried that she will get hurt and self defend. It happend before. Of probably many reasons I feel guilty. Guess its back to feeling Im the dificult one -again.
@coco9 she rarly had any ways to treat me right. I clung on to her cause I was broke and she didnt charge out of mercy for my empty wallet. And I though that maybe just maybe it could work out. And as I wrote in comment above I usually take the blame when something aint working. Im the dicifult, the bad, the mean, the f*cked up or the ugly. But today reading that post something seemed to click in my head.