Is What I Went Through Really Traumatic, Or Is It Just Me Being Overly-sensitive?

[The Albatross]

To each his/her own. though from a therapeutic standpoint like I said before, it is considered a maladaptive coping mechanism, and self harm... just like I do with tobacco, only I don't get the high.

In spite of evidence to the contrary, I still choose to put cigs in my mouth and use.

In spite of evidence to the contrary, you choose to put use pot. That means, we both, from a therapeutic standpoint have maladaptive coping behaviors by using substances instead of dealing in healthy ways with STRESS. In the absence of supporting data, however you want to frame it... It is, then, a life style choice.

 

[InHell11]

Alright well I suppose I am just not going to see it quite that way, I smoke cigarettes to and would not argue they do anything good for me. I just don't feel the same way about cannabis since it reduces negative symptoms I experience I am pretty sure just sitting there in misery with a bunch of unpleasant symptoms would be more unhealthy then doing something to get a little relief so I can do healthy things.

The last two therapists I've had certainly did not think my cannabis use was a form of self harm, so I think it depends on the therapist what their therapeutic standpoint on it is. I guess it is a lifestyle choice, but from my perspective it keeps me from making a lot of worse lifestyle choices at least that is how it is now.

 

[avgirl]

Hi JohnJacobson,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out. I am so sorry to hear of all that you've been through, at home and outside of home.

I don't know why the mental health system won't give you a straight answer! I do know there are people out there who will. Don't give up. ;) There are people who won't be afraid to say what they mean and to help you, offer their unconditional support, and truly make a difference if you work with them.

Your title alone tells me that it's trauma, before I even read what you wrote - trauma is how it affects you, and trauma is trauma. You know the answer and just have to trust yourself!

I say this because I relate. Many who have been through trauma, abuse, etc. question themselves. We know the answer all along but just don't trust ourselves to save ourselves. You were 16. That's so young. Sometimes I had to put it in perspective for myself by picturing someone else…my littlest cousin is 16 now. I still see him as a baby! I know he's grown a little, but still, his voice just changed. You still need your parents to protect you at that age. It's emotional abuse, and then physically those are the worst…they put you in danger and you still can't get that support from them now, and everyone needs to be loved unconditionally by their parents (or guardians). We're born with that need!

You've been through so much. You're strong. You also sound very insightful.

Please know that you deserve more, and you'll find that if you don't give up, whether it's from your parents one day being able to understand and give you that, or someone else - a confidant or professional, loved one, or friend. One thing I've learned is we have roles that MUST be filled in our lives, and although some people let us down (let us down is an understatement, but you get the picture) it's okay to allow others fill that role.

What you went through was absolutely trauma and I validate you without a second's thought.

Please be safe and keep the hope. It can get better and my thoughts are with you. Keep reaching out!

 

[quaintpapercut]

it's a way of dulling/avoiding emotional pain.

I smoke marijuana - but I use it so I can feel something. It's the only thing (right now) that brings down my hyper arousal and gives me a break. It literally feels like I'm thawing out from the numbed out state I normally operate in and I find it easier to be more aware of what I'm feeling. For example, I can know that A,B & C has been running through my mind the entire day causing me distress but I don't feel the emotions associated with it. It helps me connect the two. It also helps me sleep, stimulates my appetite and helps with the nausea I feel when I'm feeling very anxious. I don't plan on using for my entire life and I don't use every day, but for me where I am right now. It's helpful when I need it. I prefer it over taking a pharmaceutical drug on a daily basis.

 

[Philippa]

If anything, I appreciate your feedback. I made sure to say that in all of my messages. I'm trying to be as respectful as I can here, and I'm not mad or unhappy with any posts. This place is not a good fit for me, because of my own inability to express myself through typing. I thought I explained that in my posts, but I can see that I didn't.

In that case nowhere will be the right fit for you on the internet, right? I mean, if your ability to express yourself is so inadequate then that's not going to be any different anywhere else. I think you've expressed yourself really well, and you've given away things you didn't even know you've given away about where you are at to people here.

Yes, speaking face to face with people is always helpful, and you can express yourself in many more ways, but if you tell them what you told us face to face, unless they are other users who will only tell you what you want to hear so you continue to validate THEIR lifestyle, so THEY don't have to make any changes, then I'm afraid nothing productive will come of it. Sometimes strangers are the best people to go to, because they will just tell it to you straight. They aren't bothered if you don't approve or don't like them anymore, which is often what stops friends from being honest with friends.

In my experience, strangers on the internet have given me more to think about and more push towards changing than any of my offline friends did.

Having said that, I think your family are definitely very controlling, and I can see why you would rebel so much. Look where it got you though.

I've noticed a couple of things you've said, which others here have already pointed out to you, that are straight up lies to yourSelf, and denial is the word that sprung to mind when I saw them. Until you decide to stop lying to yourself, and start taking more responsability for your own life, instead of allowing yourself to be controlled by your parents, by allowing them to financially assist you, everything you say here is just hot air.

I've found in life, that the things I really mean are the things I never say to anyone...I just do it.

 

[smogmonster]

I agree with Scared of Lonely, those with an addiction have to stop all substance abuse period.

I have lost loved ones to addiction, and I've walked that road. Numerous family members and friends with histories of trauma and/or ADHD have found that alcohol enabled self-destructive behavior, but that marijuana stabilized them. This has been true for me as well. I have been through recovery and have not had a drink in over a decade, and my life has improved immeasurably (I also quit smoking tobacco eight years ago). All along I have continued smoking marijuana to control anxiety but continuing to work on myself. My attempts to self-medicate by drinking were not helpful. For my ADHD and anxiety, Adderall and marijuana work best. In the state where I currently reside I can get a legal prescription for medical marijuana due to my diagnosis. Perhaps this would not be helpful for everyone, but then again neither would Adderall, and there is no doubt that those medications help me be functional and alleviate symptoms.

 

[smogmonster]

Cannabis is like alcohol -- fewer physical side-effects, overall, but it's a dulling agent. It has the effect on the brain that Albatross posted above. Like any dulling agent, it prevents the mind from working, and, thus, prevents processing, including processing of trauma.

For me, this is true of alcohol but not at all with cannabis. I have been able to process quite a lot with cannabis because I am able to keep my anxiety levels within reasonable limits. I have made a lot of progress in the last several years in working through and processing my past, and my therapist and psychiatrist have both recommended it if it helps me.

 

[Pietro]

For me, this is true of alcohol but not at all with cannabis.

Funny, marijuana always made me paranoid and way more anxious. ;) But, all substances affect different people in different ways. That's very interesting that you are still able to process using this. I'll have to look into this more.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

And if you don't live in a legalized state, you deal with purity issues. That is, you don't know how SAFE the pot really is.

I take issue with anyone advocating (pushing) pot use....sorry, medical marihuana use, the same way I take issue with those who say you MUST take meds to heal. It's all the same. I prefer to not have your agenda pushed on me.

And all you pot users, are you baking it in brownies? Cuz if you're not, well there's the issue of dirtying up your lungs. Perhaps you don't get the tar and such that's in cigarettes, but smoke is bad. Maybe you all should give up your rights to medical care if you get lung cancer or emphysema...I mean unless you pay it 100% out of pocket and don't rely on insurance companies or taxpayers to fix you after you decided to smoke. Ok, end of rant. You get my point. I just get irritated when pot smokers push their crap on everyone and deny every possible negativity of the drug.

 

[smogmonster]

I take issue with anyone advocating (pushing) pot use....sorry, medical marihuana use, the same way I take issue with those who say you MUST take meds to heal. It's all the same. I prefer to not have your agenda pushed on me.

And all you pot users, are you baking it in brownies? Cuz if you're not, well there's the issue of dirtying up your lungs

First, I never advocated anyone else do anything, nor that there were no potential negative side effects to the medications I take. I am only relating my story. As for your concerns about my lungs, I use a vaporizer, which doesn't produce smoke. Would you be as concerned about my lungs if I told you I smoked tobacco (I haven't for many years)? Nicotine is a form of self-medication, a pretty serious one at that, which I discovered when I quit. I am aware of the choices I make and have a good support system. I have been on the road to healing for over a decade and have come a long way.

I have also been through cancer treatments, and while not ideal, at the time my oncologist recommended I use marijuana for nausea due to chemo, since other medications were not working and that did work very well. He said smoking is not the best delivery system, but that there were no serious carcinogenic risks from it, and since then research has shown that the active ingredients in cannabis actually help inhibit the growth of cancer cells. In any event, since quitting tobacco years ago my lungs have been much healthier, and I switched to vaporization a while back for medical marijuana. So, my lungs are doing great.

The fact is that many medications would be wrong for many individuals, but those same medications may work well for some people. I am doing well with the medications that work for me, and I am working with a therapist and psychiatrist, but I am not claiming that I can diagnose nor make recommendations to anyone else as far as what medication they should take, or if they should take any medication at all. At the same time, I ask that you respect that my path to healing may be different than yours, but the important thing is that it helps me, and it is no less valid.

 

[quaintpapercut]

Maybe you all should give up your rights to medical care if you get lung cancer or emphysema...

Well then you might as well include people who are obese or engage in other behaviours that could be deemed a risk to their longevity and health. In the similar way that you speak about people "dirtying" up their lungs, I can remark on how people "dirty" up their bodies with fast food, sugar, animal fats, wheat, gluten and dairy.

 

[The Albatross]

Seriously? Poor nutritional choices v.s. "medicinal" self treating by illicit drug use? Laughable.