Sufferer Isolation And Ptsd

[xenstar]

Hello,
I developed late onset of PTSD as a consequence of prolonged childhood trauma, wherein I sustained emotional/physical/sexual abuse throughout my childhood and nearly lost my life. Since I left home as a teenager I have been estranged from my entire family (which has had an impact on my life). I spent most of my early adult life homeless, and used recreational drugs to cope. I began to make a better life for myself in my early twenties, and eventually was able to get a good education and became successful in my field. However, unfortunately after hearing from a family member via social networking, and finally having some stability in life I had a breakdown. I think I always had PTSD but because I was in constant survival mode I almost didn't notice, and believed that attacks of chronic fatigue were normal. After the breakdown I began to have regular and disruptive flashbacks, and felt like my whole world was caving in. I continue to be in therapy, and have recently returned to work. I just wanted to feel less isolated and like there was understanding out there.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Hi xenstar, welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry for what you've experienced. I think you're right, that when we're in survival mode, we keep all that other stuff out so we can get through. But it comes back. One way of looking at that, is that it comes back when we are in a place that we can begin to deal with it.

I know that breakdowns feel like everything is falling apart again. But from what you've said here, you've got through some really tough obstacles, and you still are. That determination is a good sign for recovery. I'm glad you found this place.

 

[Overcast]

You have a lot of skills from your recovery from drugs that will help you with your current battle. One of them is strength and another is the honesty it takes to get sober and clean from the drugs. These are two positive traits you have that will help you in finding recovery from the trauma. I hope you have found a good trauma therapist.

 

[MissMacD]

I just wanted to feel less isolated and like there was understanding out there.

My therapist keeps telling me to do social things whether I feel like it or not.The more I isolate the worse my PTSD gets.

 

[xenstar]

Thank you. I am looking forward to a time when I can experience what thriving is like, I'm not sure I've had that yet! I have engaged in lots of therapy over the years and I've learned most about what I know about relating and boundaries from therapeutic settings as I never really had safety at home. It's really difficult trying to explain to those around me quite what's going on, as they see their friend who they view as the emotionally intelligent one completely break. But I'm getting there. Glad to have found this place.

 

[xenstar]

My therapist keeps telling me to do social things whether I feel like it or not.

I agree about not shutting myself out from everyone, but sometimes when I have been feeling triggered I find the performance of sociality very difficult as it took me so long to speak about what happened to me...but I think this might be an emotional flashback of sorts.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Welcome. Chin up! :)

 

[WhiteSwan]

@xenstar firstly thank you so much for sharing how you are feeling because I can relate to those feelings so much - so now not feeling so alone.

You have endured some incredible hardship and strength in how you have come through. I too had physical/emotional/sexual trauma for the best part of my childhood and from my early teens I have been in survival mode focused on building a career for myself and a life so I could 'escape'. I think subconsciously I was too afraid to stop as all would come crashing down. I was successful in my career but in my late 20's it all came crashing down-

A key difference for me is that I am still close (perhaps on a superficial level) with my family because they have never ever acknowledged the abuse, validated or assisted me - pretending they have a perfect family - gosh people go to jail for this kind of behaviour - and everyone is pretending to be model citizens!! Perhaps it would have been better to be estranged from them? Now I am facing the dilemma of having to pretent all is ok yet I'm about to commence my trauma treatment. I don't know where this will all end up.

I too feel like my world is falling apart - I'm pleased you have been active with therapy. I don't think it's something we can do alone. Take heart - you have much support here.

 

[Tinyflame]

Welcome xenstar. :)

The strange thing that occurred to me, is I guess falling apart means we're no longer entirely blocking out what we feel. It seems like it will never end, but many people here have worked through so much. You have too! :tup:

 

[intothelight]

Hi Xenstar,

Welcome to the forum!

One of the best things I found when I joined this site was a community of people that really understood the struggles I was facing. It was a great start to reconnect as I recovered. I hope you find it beneficial in your own healing.

Debbie

 

[Notsowild]

Welcome @xenstar... Welcome to the forum.

I also developed late onset PTSD due to severe childhood abuses. I am now going through the after effects of a second trauma. Flashbacks, hypervigilance, insomnia etc etc. I tried to go back to work but it was just too much especially with an abusive boss. I am now on medical leave. How is work going for you?

This forum has been a godsend to me. It's full of great information and wonderful, caring people. I hope to see you around