Isolation, Paranoia And Withdrawal

[Esterio]

As for social anxiety, it's actually a vicious circle.
It seems like your PTSD is responsible for your...

Thanks for the post Will86.
I don't know much about the terminology or names of the symptoms. I have not been back in therapy long now only 2 sessions after a 17 year absence and don't remember much all but it except it ruin my life.
I isolated for a couple of years in the bush as far from anyone as possible. I would agree that was bad for me. I also look at it as I survived. Coming back into society was very difficult. Anxiety and panic attacks held me back. Until I found that I could put on a mask and hid everything behind said mask. Then people could only see what I wanted them to see everything was fake now I really was feeling like a fraud. Going out and smiling and saying hello to anyone that met my eye. I have a friend lives in Vancouver close to the sea wall. I stayed with him lots when I was in the city for doctors. I would go walking on the sea wall and say hello to everyone. This friend told me that me going for walks and saying hello to all of those people was changing there attitudes. People were more friendly by the time I would leave and were saying hello to each other. I smile and talk to cashiers, I forced my way into crowds trying to be part of what ever. When I went home I felt the same and I was having a hard time keeping it up. Fraud aways ends badly. Last September after about 10 or 12 years of waring that mask. It cracked and fell to pieces in front of hundreds of people. Have never felt so bad and embarrassed, I just broke down in front of hundreds of people who know me. I have been mostly at home since. I did still go walking out in the bush until the weather turned. I now Limit myself as much as possible going anywhere there maybe people. I go shopping only after I have nothing left to eat at home, I go to the feed store and doctor and T appointments. Other than 2 old friends I stay away from people. I'm still able to put that face on but I don't feel good waring it at all.
Will I am sure it is a good thing to get back out there. I am not sure about forcing yourself to do anything is the right way to go about this. I have already been forced into enough crap. Just my thoughts. Might be good for some but didn't work for me. Maybe it would have worked better if I had supports and was in therapy

Thanks again for the post
Peace be safe

 

[Blackjack]

I am giving up. Twice in the last 8 hours I have been made to realise I am just not meant to have friends. Once in 'the outside world' having happily given all of my evening trying to help a friend and was just made to feel a nuisance, awkward and unwanted and then once again gone into chat, killed the conversation just by being there and most people left.
It's ok, I get it, I understand now

 

[erigby]

I am giving up. Twice in the last 8 hours I have been made to realise I am just not meant to have fri...

I am so sorry this has happened.
When you say everyone left...can you offer more details?
My experience has been that my depression and PTSD mind always tell me whatever happens, that is negative, is my fault.
My therapist corrects me all the freaking time about this.
Can you offer more details?

 

[mamachick]

Blackjack I feel like you do often...and it is core beliefs but our esteem and confidence can just get shattered. I know it is something that we can change though. I know that because this is how I felt as a kid and changed it. I had good self esteem and was fairly confident until and incident that began to spiral....now here I am again...and have felt like giving up.

I am so sorry that you are feeling this now and I know many here feel the same. I went into the chat room one time in many years and felt just as you described. I also realize that I thought there would be conversation and it just stifled others. Then realized, others may be doing what people in real life are doing, driving, sitting in a restaurant with others, or at the mall. So many people have Facebook conversations and post the food they are about to eat...like checking in now and again...its insane...but its a sign of the times.

I am really pretty sure it is not you!!!!!
When we become so self conscious and DO care about fitting in, we are sure to see where we don't, or being overlooked. Reminds me of the book "Secrets" about the law of attraction, and how we attract exactly what we don't want.
Please hang in with us...never give up

 

[ladee]

@Blackjack ...did you read any of the posts that people shared with you here on your thread?

 

[Blackjack]

I am so sorry this has happened.
When you say everyone left...can you offer more details?
My experienc...

Just recently when I have gone into chat I have noticed that the conversation drops off and people leave, people that I used to chat with a lot, and then once I say goodbye the conversation picks up again. Maybe I am being paranoid I don't know but I cannot keep adding to my anxiety and depression like this. It's only making things worse.

 

[Blackjack]

@Blackjack ...did you read any of the posts that people shared with you here on your t...

Yes, I most certainly did and I appreciate every one of them. I have not had much time to reply as yet as it is a busy and very stressful time for my family right now. I have taken everything on board but sometimes the facts just seem stacked up and pointing to how I feel. I really do appreciate every bodies replies though and I am trying to look at things more openly but it's not easy. :hug:

 

[mamachick]

As a person with ptsd, please know that even though I do care, there are times when I am likely a bit self focused and centered. I hope to become more present and am working on that. So even though i know it is not me you are talking about on chat, Im sure we all get that way. I also don't discount the reality of your feelings.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Another thing is I don't put all my eggs in one basket, I make sure I have a few areas of interest so if one goes south it doesn't feel like my whole world.

I have things I do that are not dependent on others.

@Bliss, these are vital things to me, too - necessary for survival. But not cutting yourself off, either. Finding a middle ground. You have good instincts!

 

[Esterio]

I am giving up. Twice in the last 8 hours I have been made to realise I am just not meant to have fri...

Thanks for the post

Just recently when I have gone into chat I have noticed that the conversation drops off and people le...

That does tend to happen in the chat room has happen to me too. I wonder too why did they just leave.I'm sorry for the way you were treated by your friends. I don't go around people much because I don't want to interfere with what they are up to, or get in the way.
I'm physically disabled so when I get to someones place they are always stopping what they are doing and put all their attention on me and it makes me feel self conches uneasy and like I am a royal pain in the ass. I usually get anxious and have to leave. So I'm really careful were I go to visit.

Not sure why that happens. I have gone there and said hello and never got a response. that is something that hurts me in real life too when I send out a text or email to someone they reply back and so I start a conversation and not here anything for days. It hurts me so much that I got nothing back. I think that people sometimes don't think that an none reply is hard on people with mental illness. When I find I don't feel included I go read and reply to posts and find it to be away less stressful and not so rushed so you have time to think. Most of the time I get likes and sometimes I get really good replies. I keep hearing that we should not put are eggs in one basket then when one place falls apart we have something to fall back on.
I don't think people on the chat mean to ignore people on purpose I 'm not sure what happens but I don't think or I would like to think it is just an over site or something like that.
Peace be safe

 

[EmmaOwl]

That does tend to happen in the chat room has happen to me too. I wonder too why did they just leave.

Not sure why that happens. I have gone there and said hello and never got a response.

You know what happens? Often there are people listed in the chat room who do not know they are there. It's a quirk of the site. This happened to me, I felt like you guys do, I felt ignored or like conversation would break off when I said hello - until someone explained to me how that happens on this site! So, even though it SAYS someone is in chat, there really isn't. They do not know they're in chat, and they do not know you are there. And then if it says they left, the person might not have been in there to begin with.

The chat room here also has a lot of lag time. Even if there IS someone there it could take several minutes for them to reply. I've never been in a more skewed chatroom before, and I was queen of chat rooms back in the ancient days of AOL!

Does that make sense?? I am not very sharp I just woke up from nightmares! Please tell me more about it if you want. I absolutely get it. It's frustrating, and now I tend to ignore chat altogether. But there are multiple other ways to get attention, feedback, and communication than the chat function.

It's a shame. While I would LOVE an active chat, it is exactly what you thought - an oversight. A remnant of an old system that doesn't work very well.

 

[mamachick]

Allie I had not thought of that, but when I have gone in on just a couple occasions and nobody spoke, I didn't log out in any way, just shut computer off. It may have appeared that I was still there. I would think it would be a good place to talk live if someone is feeling low or having a problem, but most of what I see on my screen (though I am not on) is like foreign language, not something you can join in with.