It Awkward For Her Too?

[RaiseYourGlass]

So I just recently, I mean very recently, started talking about the details of the sexual abuse with my T. She's great and I like her a lot but I still feel so awkward telling her about the abuse at all. There's always awkward silence after I finish telling her something. I know it's intentional so ican finish my thought process or whatever. But I'm just curious, do you think it's awkward for her too?

I know it's her job. But I just imagine that sitting there listing to the horrible things that happened to me and then the ten or so seconds of silence after would be awkward for her too. What do you think?

 

[Tinyflame]

No, 10 seconds might be necessary to absorb it. Indefinite silence would be most awkward.

 

[Sarah2732]

You've taken a big leap! I'm so glad you trust her to hear the details, that's such a big deal to get to that point. I hope it hasn't been too rough for you.

I kinda don't think it is awkward... but that would be completely based on my experience with the T I disclosed to. Although, now that I'm thinking about it, I guess I've sort of been in that position, in having been through several sessions of a group for trauma survivors. I'm sure everyone is different and some people feel awkward after someone has shared something huge and disclosed a very difficult story but to me it feels very "right" to let it sit for a moment.

Also, there is a lot for the listener to process too. T's are not without their own emotion, someone's story can evoke strong reaction of anger or sadness or other emotions. Add containing those emotions to feeling out what you need to hear and how to proceed, she probably has so much inner dialog at that moment that 10 seconds doesn't seem too long of a pause at all.

If it bothers you, and that silence is not helpful to you, you can always talk about it with her or you can choose to change the subject immediately.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes that's what I meant as well, depending on the gravity, I think it can take a moment if someone actually is truly listening.

I think it helps to just be honest & say what's frightening, or ask if unsure. But it takes a lot of guts (and not dissociating) too.

 

[Philippa]

I'm sure your therapist has heard plenty of horrifying stories by now. It's hard to say how she feels...maybe she is numb to it all a bit by now? I would think that it would become normalized after a while to hear horror stories day in day out.

Many therapists have also had terrible things happen, and are healing themselves at the same time as working with you to help you heal. They may be triggered, relate to certain stories and pause to feel whatever they are experiencing? Hard to say really. Unless you speak to her about it I don't think we can really give you a full idea of what goes on for your therapist.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Therapists are taught to develop psychological safety skills to avoid vicarious traumatization, or they would develop PTSD as well over time.

This allows them to be a witness without becoming overwhelmed, because they would hurt the patient if their issues hijacked the therapy. They don't view survivors recounting os abuse as dirty, shameful, or something to turn away from. They view it as the courageous account of a survivor and view it with attention on the remarkable adaptability and strength if the human mind to survive the deepest woundings.

They don't see us as we see ourselves. They do pause a long time because they know it is essential we ba able to say what we need to without interruption, or the re-telling is incomplete.

 

[Rumors]

@BloomInWinter
See, I just thought mine paused to rethink the "what the f*uck?" comment that he truly would like to say. Your explanation makes me feel better. ;)