It is dangerous to take someone at their word.

[ladee]

I have a huge aversion to asking for help. About anything. I have a friend that offered, 'call me if you need anything' this past year. I never called her, tho it was almost impossible to get dressed and leave the house because I had listened to her for years bitch about when someone calls and it's inconvenient for her. So, no, I didn't call her.

I don't trust people easily. Do I expect people to be consistent with thier concerns, yes. What do they say to me when it's apparent I'm upset. If it comes off rehearsed or insincere, no, I will not share.

I can walk away from people too easily. I do have hard boundaries about most things, so have weeded out those that couldn't meet the task. But I also realized, from past experiences of not trusting my gut, that the worst that would happen is that I would get hurt. But it was those situations that honed my 'radar'.

I could care less anymore if people perceive my needing help as a weakness. I know better and know how hard it is to ask. I pay attention to those around me and how they handle their own life. I pay attention when they are speaking of others. Are things said with compassion or caring? Or is it gossip and judgment?

To blindly trust. Not gonna happen. But sometimes we do need others. And I hope the people offering their support are there when you need them, in a way that is helping and nonjudgemental.

People show us who they are. We just have to pay attention and trust ourselves first.

 

[Freida]

When I give my loyalty it's implied it will not be questioned, or at least not unreasonably. Loyalty is such a precious thing, abusing it is for me one of the worst things one can do

I think the bigger question is -- how does the person you are saying this to know it is true?
That's the challenge with ptsd. We've been let down at the worst moments of our lives so how do we build the courage to try to trust someone who says they want to help? Lot of people say "sure call me anytime" then treat ya like crapola when you do.

I automatically assume people are blowing smoke because it has happened to me so many times. People who offer to help but have no idea what that entails and when I need it? Crickets.

What are some of the things you do/say/etc to help those around you learn that you really are someone who is loyal? That someone like me could use as a way to learn to figure out if it's "true" or not?

 

[ruborcoraxxx]

I think the bigger question is -- how does the person you are saying this to know it is true?
That's the challenge with ptsd. We've been let down at the worst moments of our lives so how do we build the courage to try to trust someone who says they want to help? Lot of people say "sure call me anytime" then treat ya like crapola when you do.

I automatically assume people are blowing smoke because it has happened to me so many times. People who offer to help but have no idea what that entails and when I need it? Crickets.

What are some of the things you do/say/etc to help those around you learn that you really are someone who is loyal? That someone like me could use as a way to learn to figure out if it's "true" or not?

I generally sort of delineate the terms with people. I say "you know, when I’m telling you if you call me at 4am and I will answer if to the best of my capacities, that is if I hear the ring etc., I’m not supernatural". I delineate I am limited as a person, but not in my intentions. I also state that of course I have boundaries and it’s not something I can keep doing over and over if it becomes a habit, but in general I go great lengths to help, really. And that no I don’t want to be tested. I say that too.

I also have people who did disappointed me from time to time. They have the right to fail, too. It enrages me but they’re just humans. It’s when stuff repeats or not change that I know there is a real problem, but I maintain a certain degree of ambiguous positivity at first. Overall it has a better payoff than distrust. I also don’t like to go everywhere saying that I’m loyal like this because I’ve often been overburdened with stuff once people understood I have a sense of responsibility, but to certain elected friends whom I love, I go to them and tell them how I am and what are my limits.

 

[bellbird]

Making progress here.

Last night, I had a really bad nightmare. Bad enough that I felt it was worth it to take one of the people at their word and try to wake them up for comfort.

Turns out, they're a really deep sleeper, and they didn't wake to my attempts.

This morning, they asked how my sleep was. I told them that I'd had a nightmare and had tried to wake them, and they apologised that they weren't there for me.

So while there wasn't any change in outcome in terms of processing the nightmare alone, I'm really happy with the outcome overall: I felt able to take someone at their word, and they responded with kindness (albeit in the morning) as they had said they would.

 

[Freida]

I'm really happy with the outcome overall: I felt able to take someone at their word, and they responded with kindness (albeit in the morning) as they had said they would.

yay!!!!!