General It's Behind Me

[journey31]

That is all i was told about his ptsd. He didn't even tell me he had it voluntarily. He said something that made me ask if he had it, and he admitted it. So obviously it isn't "behind him". I picked up on it. I know a little about when it gets triggered, but not the every day living with the disorder.

I don't know if he is on medication. He is VA diagnosed and considered disabled. Not sure of it is ptsd alone or combination of injuries he is still not 100% recovered from 6 years later.

What is it like daily? Is it only a problem when triggered? We aren't speaking now. I'm hoping i talk to him again. Don't know how long to leave him alone, what to say if he comes back, and how to deal on a daily basis. I'm dealing with a flare and just now accepting it was ptsd. I had been thinking he was a jerk.

 

[Dallas]

What is it like daily?

Daily life with a PTSD veteran- I can only speak for life with my boyfriend. We've been dating about 7 months. We don't live together. He lives about an hour away. When we see each other it's usually for 2 or 3 days at a time. He's been in the hospital this past week, so I've spent several hours with him everyday for the past week visiting him.

The main thing is he remains constantly glued to the TV at all times watching the military channel. He will get up to smoke out on the deck. Then he comes back to watch TV. In the hospital (he had a private room) the military channel is constantly on. Sometime he will stop in the middle of a conversation to watch TV.

He has memory lapses. Things I've told him before, he has no recollection of. He gets tired easily and has to go lay down. His back bothers him a lot. He takes a LOT of medication.

But he is warm, loving, affectionate, funny, highly intelligent (genius level I think), very handsome, has a sexy southern drawl, and really loves me. And I really love him. And we have a lot of fun when we're together.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Dallas]

There were gaps early in the relationship where I didn't hear from him. I just let him be to sort out his own stuff. I occasionally sent him letters, as you would a sick friend in the hospital, light and cheery. I later learned he was in and out of the hospital during that time, trying to regulate his medication. I don't think he wanted me to know that much about him that early in our relationship. I'm glad I just let him be and let him contact me when he felt ready.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[journey31]

I shouldn't mention the PTSD unless he brings it up right? I know he thinks i will expect an explanation, and i want one, but don't know if he will come back because i don't know that he'll want to explain it.

I will send messages. I really care about him, and I'm not one to abandon sometime who is suffering. I will be there for him. I just need to know how to tell him that.

 

[Dallas]

With my boyfriend I was very upfront and direct from the beginning. He had briefly mentioned the PTSD on our first or second date. A month or so later, we actually had plans for a specific date, day and time and he went AWOL. I called him and left a message saying something to the effect, in a nice and gentle way- "I haven't heard from you, just wondering if you're ok. I've been reading about PTSD, and I just want you to know if you need some time to yourself that's fine. Give me a call when you feel like it- no pressure. Take care." And that was it. I eventually heard from him several weeks later and he told me he'd been in the hospital and feeling upset and angry because his doctor told him he really can't work any more. So it had nothing to do with me.

The important thing is to let him go to heal or whatever he has to do. There's no way to predict the future, and you can't control his actions. You also have to set your own boundaries for acceptable behavior. I would just concentrate on your own life for now. Don't force things. Let things play out naturally. It will be much better that way.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Dallas]

I become very ill, very quickly if I don't keep focused on my own life. It's dangerous for me to be too focused on what my boyfriend is or is not doing, or how he is or is not responding to me. Just a cautionary tale from one who knows.

Sincerely,
Dallas.