General It's Over. I Was Fine But Now I'm Sad

[HelloMo80]

We broke up a few weeks ago. Our relationship was never quite strong and it was on its last leg anyway. Lots of lies. Lots of cheating and disrespect, etc. So it ended, as it should.

He continues to call me and I still take his calls. That's not something that I mind. I enjoy hearing that he's okay and I know I'm one of the few folks he can talk to on a regular basis. Also, his calling is not something that rattled me, even as soon as a day after the break up. However, a few weeks into it, he called and I got really, really sad talking to him. I realized that we're over and it's time to move along with my life. I don't know how to do that just yet in the relationship department. I know I'm not ready to date anyone else yet. Just focusing on me.

Anyway, I initially wanted to say something to him about how I was feeling, but I didn't. I stopped myself because 1) we're not together so I don't want to get into that sort of stuff and 2) I know he's in a difficult spot and while this might be temporarily important to me, with his assignment and PTSD, I really don't want to put more into that cup. I know that I'd talk about it with him, feel better later and then be fine. Meanwhile, if I would talk to him I would have just dumped stress into his life on top of the other stress he has which will not be helpful to him.

I assume that I'll be fine again soon and the sadness will go away. In the event that it doesn't or it gets harder for me to talk to him, how can I protect myself without saying "please don't call me?" I don't want to take that away from him (he doesn't talk to his family much and he has a few friends he converses with but I've been the one he's talked to in-depth for over 2 years now). Right now, I think it's just the newness of the break and me finally realizing the impact of that, but I'm pretty confident the sadness won't be an everyday thing. Just asking in the event that it prevails as an issue. I'd like to get input from folks who have been there and done that.

Thanks all! I hope you all are taking care of yourselves and enjoying your weekend.

 

[Nicolette]

HelloMo80

I am sorry for what you are going through and the loss of your relationship.

Rule No 1 for Supporters/Carers/Partners is to take care of themselves first. While your thinking and intentions are very admirable I will say that letting the phone calls continue will only hinder your movement forward and prolong your suffering.

I honestly don't think you can protect yourself without saying "don't call" and I think he owes you at least that much courtesy if you are no longer together. You cannot be his support and walk on egg shells (consider his stress cup before your own needs) while trying to pull yourself back together without dragging it out unless you set some boundaries. It should not only be you who suffers while he has his cake and gets to eat it to by still being able to call you when he wants. Maybe after some time you can be friends and chat but for now all I can read is your pain and I think minimising that is important for your own welfare.

That's my take on what you have written.

All the best with what you decide.

 

[HelloMo80]

Sometimes you know what you need to do but you just don't want to do it. Thanks. After I thought about what I wrote, I agree. It will be hard, but since I'm feeling this way, I have to be honest. The whole time we were together I wasn't honest with my feelings all the time because I didn't want to "offend." I definitely have to look out for my well-being.

Thanks for the reply.

 

[HelloMo80]

So I said, "don't call," and he hasn't. Now he just emails me. I can deal with that. We chat on yahoo messenger as well and that was fine...however, if you read my "omg, wtf, sigh" thread, you'll see that I'm on the verge of just saying "screw it" and cutting off all contact.

 

[amethist]

You will be sad Mo, as anyone who goes through a break up is.

If it is hurting yous till with the e-mails and chatting on Yahoo then a full break away may be whats best for you to move forward fully. Hard as this maybe for both of you, this is the only way you can both move on and biuld your own lives back up again.

Do whats right for you, no one else.

Amethist