Its Starting Again

[HPD284]

I know whats wrong with me but I still can't seem to control it. The depressions been coming for almost a week and tonight it feels like I've hit a wall. My meds arn't even helping me sleep. I want to sit and cry. I don't know what my trigger is. I've been under alot of strain going through school but thats been going on for several months. This just started one day with me wanting to be alone and has gone on for several days. I've even taken off sick from work because I couldn't bare to be there.

Does this happen to others often? It seems like its every few months I get depressed usually not this bad. I don't want to hurt myself I've managed to get past that point and plan on staying away from there. I just find this so frustrating to know that there is no control over myself when this happens. My mind can be having one thought and the next minute I'm remembering the past and ready to cry.

My Doctor says Im not crazy for the mood swings but his suggestion is usually adjusting the meds I take which at this point and time is something I'd rather he not do. My school is tough enough without having to adjust to new drugs or their side effects. My counselor would talk me into circles while trying to help. My wife tries to comfort me and support me but how many times can she say its gonna be alright.

I know I can work through this but it just feels like an uphill battle that I'm losing. I don't want to cry anymore.

 

[intothelight]

Hi HPD,

I think as you read through threads and diaries, you will find that cycles of depression, anxiety, anger, and numbness, mixed in this periods of feeling quite competent, happy, content, etc., are pretty normal for this disorder. The trigger for the cycles is different for everyone, but the experience is common for all. There are sections here with suggestions for coping with depression or lessening the severity, but a lot of time it is just riding it out.

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so down. You can work through it. Just know that you are not alone in this struggle and use whatever resources you need to lift your spirits.

ITL

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Hi HPD284,

My heart aches with you. I'm sitting beside you in my heart, and I hope you can draw comfort from knowing many hearts are with you...
Please keep writing the pain out here, let us hold it, share it, dissipate it outward, and send you strength.

With warmth and concern,
deer_in_headlights