I've Seen Alot Of Thread About Friendship.

[winterose]

I let go of alot of unhealthy people this past year. What I feared the most, didn't happen. The world didn't stop. My ability to form newer healthier friendships didn't cease to exist. And most of all I don't need to be the punchline anymore. I found some strengths by building up my own confidences. I took back my own voice by allowing others to have theirs. I can't change people. What they say. Only myself. And its ok if they don't understand me. It's ok if they think they know what's best for me. What they don't see is the manythings I have done already. I am doing exactly what they advise. I am happy. Yes, I have my hard days but I am not fighting that part anymore. It's OK. It works out. Life is messy. How I got here was messy. How I am healing is messy. But Im alive!. I have created a life for myself now. I am living.

No it wasn't easy to get here. It came from finally submitting to my own limitations. By getting real with myself. And standing up to those who thought they knew better for me then I did. I suffered losses. Lonliness. Anxiety attacks I thought I'd never recover from. I hated myself. Hated Them. And then somewhere between all that I found a balance. Onemore softer to those who couldn't understand or didn't want to. And one softer towards myself. When I did that I found there were those who wanted to follow me because my life was interesting. Because what I sought out to do in life. I stopped giving reasons of why's and just started doing. I did this so I could survive. I did this to find a life. I did this to find the love I so needed to believe in for myself. And I did find it all. Now there is a wow moment.

 

[zaniara]

Congratulations! :) And thank you for sharing it, it's inspiring! I recognize parts of it: in my first year in trauma-therapy I have had to let go of some of my old "friends" because I finally understood that they were not friends, and they're not healthy people. I think it mostly was re-enactment really from my part being in those relationships.. but it IS so freeing to at least live without anyone in my life who is busive, manipulative or dominant. Loneliness can sometimes turn into solitude instead, and healing can begin.

 

[winterose]

Some were bad for me, some meant well but were doing more harm then good for my life. Some just couldn't get it. Some I made my own mistakes with too. It became a painful learning process. But I got through it. I found learning to accept that things are going to be both good and bad at the sametime helps relieve alot of pressure that gets to simmering. It also taught me that it's ok to make mistakes. Nothing like the total realness of reality for a wake up call. To dive in the middle of blame, responsibility, and moving past it. I never thought that the test pilot program for low self esteem IS going through hell. They say that learning is the fire walk of life and I think that defines PTSD so well sometimes.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Thanks for sharing. I think I am losing a friend again, it's upsetting, but I also feel some relief. So your words here help a lot at the moment.

 

[winterose]

I am so sorry Meadow. I wish noone to have to go through that kind of pain. Sending you hope to find the strength you need to do what's right for you. I know when I made the decision I had to realise I was bleeding to death slowly in the friendship. My wise old friend Joe said it best..friendships give you the blood you need to live. And the air to breathe when needed.

 

[franciemarnie]

I just love what you wrote. How beautiful. And inspiring. Thank you.

 

[Britt.f7]

Isn't it wonderful when we finally start to do what is good for us, realize our limitations, other's limitations? I've done that with my family over the years. I have casual friends and I don't expect them to understand what I am going through and that's okay. I have a couple very close friends, that I know, even if they don't understand, they will be there if I need them...for comfort, an ear, or give me space when I am simply trying to breathe. They just let me know they are there, don't forget.

You are inspiring.