Jeff, I feel like you're telling my story. My husband returned from Afganistan 6 weeks ago. We've been married 17 years and have two girls. I always prided myself on how we were strong together and make it through so many tough things. We have been through many deployments and we always fit back together with out any issues, like we had never been apart. When he came home he seemed unhappy being there and I so wanted to hug him and never let go but my hugs seemed to put him in pain. I was so hurt and disappointed by our reunion. He said he was just feeling anxiety about being home and how hard it is to transition from being alert all the time to being in a calm enviroment. I had thought things would just pass but after a month he announced he was moving out. He said he feels numb inside and angry and we shouldn't have to be around that. He would say things like it wouldn't be that hard for you to find another guy, you deserve someone better than me. I like you am not willing to give up on that many years. We were also happy before deployment. He left telling our girls I was his best friend and telling me he loved me more each day. Your wife , I believe is suffering from combat PTSD. She probably hasn't shared with you what she has seen and been forced to do in order to survive. My husband did not open up and share a lot with me until he decided to move out. I new he had lost 4 buddies that he had become friends with. Which is a difficult thing, in a war zone they become close very quick. He was with the last friend that was killed and he's holding guilt. He said more than once he felt that he was going to be a dead man himself, the list goes on and on and he said he hasn't shared everything yet. He is getting counseling and he has read a couple of books that I have read and passed over to him. We have family time, he comes over and we do things with the girls. It kills me when he leaves though, we waited so long for him to come home.
I would like to suggest a couple of books that have helped me understand. I wish I would have known what was coming and been able to read them prior to him coming home. "After the war zone" , "Once a warrior, always a warrior", and "courage after fire". My husband has read the first two and really liked "Once a warrior, always a warrior". They both express the need for therapy and that it is not weak to get help, it takes a strong person to admit they need help. All three books explain what it feels like to come home after being in a war zone and some coping skills. The book I liked best was "courage after fire". It goes through all the different feelings they are having and what makes them feel that way and each chapter ends with things a spouse can do to help. It's still a very confusing time, I never pictured myself here. Good luck to you, I'm sure deep down under all the confusion your wife doesn't want to give up either. It's difficult, I know your pain and on top of it you have your dads illness. Just know your not alone.
