Things have been just a bit too much to handle lately, it seems.
One thing after another keeps happening and that seems to drive a stake between me and the people around me.
My Partner and her family are having issues. Her grandfather's dog died and he has been depressed, her mother's dogs were bitten by a snake and nearly died though one may still lose her litter of unborn pups due to the anti-venom that was necessary.
One or our pugs died in the heat. I know it seems like my brother was blamed for that whole fiasco, but it was hard not to blame him when he was asked to hook up a fan for the dogs in the heat. He went outside and looked at them. While they may have been fine then, the heat gets worse in the afternoon. We were at the laudrymat because our washer has been broken for some time now, washing clothes and towels. We needed him to hook up that fan and watch those dogs...The heat was nearly in the hundreds and the air quality was bad. The dog was rather heavy and he passed away. I've been upset about it for days and it affected the whole household.
My brother got yelled at, my girlfriend and I dug the hole with so much anger that we wore ourselves out and my mother did the same. That night, my brother spent his time playing video games even more loudly than usual and screaming hateful words at his television.
On top of all this, my father has been in a whole other state for a year or more now and I haven't seen him. He is putting pressure on me and my girlfriend to just leave her family and move out there with them, which isn't much of an option as her mother is disabled and her grandparents are older and need more help as it is. We can't just move thousands of miles away and hop on a plane to come back whenever they need us. We just can't, that takes money.
So with all of that stress, the continuous talks and phone calls...I've been worn thin. I've been losing sleep. Stress and insomnia are not good factors for an epileptic, I could have another seizure.
One night, I started to throw up. I didn't even feel sick, a cup full or more of water just started to pour out of my mouth, followed by vomit that wouldn't stop for a long time. I've been run down, sick, dizzy.
I had a fleeting thought that maybe it would just be easier to end myself, 'this must be why people commit suicide' was my thought.
Afterward, I felt so horrible for even thinking of such a thing. I spoke with my girlfriend later and we had a bit of an emotional talk. :(
Sorry for my rambling.
One thing after another keeps happening and that seems to drive a stake between me and the people around me.
My Partner and her family are having issues. Her grandfather's dog died and he has been depressed, her mother's dogs were bitten by a snake and nearly died though one may still lose her litter of unborn pups due to the anti-venom that was necessary.
One or our pugs died in the heat. I know it seems like my brother was blamed for that whole fiasco, but it was hard not to blame him when he was asked to hook up a fan for the dogs in the heat. He went outside and looked at them. While they may have been fine then, the heat gets worse in the afternoon. We were at the laudrymat because our washer has been broken for some time now, washing clothes and towels. We needed him to hook up that fan and watch those dogs...The heat was nearly in the hundreds and the air quality was bad. The dog was rather heavy and he passed away. I've been upset about it for days and it affected the whole household.
My brother got yelled at, my girlfriend and I dug the hole with so much anger that we wore ourselves out and my mother did the same. That night, my brother spent his time playing video games even more loudly than usual and screaming hateful words at his television.
On top of all this, my father has been in a whole other state for a year or more now and I haven't seen him. He is putting pressure on me and my girlfriend to just leave her family and move out there with them, which isn't much of an option as her mother is disabled and her grandparents are older and need more help as it is. We can't just move thousands of miles away and hop on a plane to come back whenever they need us. We just can't, that takes money.
So with all of that stress, the continuous talks and phone calls...I've been worn thin. I've been losing sleep. Stress and insomnia are not good factors for an epileptic, I could have another seizure.
One night, I started to throw up. I didn't even feel sick, a cup full or more of water just started to pour out of my mouth, followed by vomit that wouldn't stop for a long time. I've been run down, sick, dizzy.
I had a fleeting thought that maybe it would just be easier to end myself, 'this must be why people commit suicide' was my thought.
Afterward, I felt so horrible for even thinking of such a thing. I spoke with my girlfriend later and we had a bit of an emotional talk. :(
Sorry for my rambling.
