Relationship Just A Quick Question

[kacee129]

I have always been under the impression that someone has to want and get treatment on their own. That it has nothing to do with loving someone, being loved, having love (except for ones self). Today I had someone (not on this site) tell me " he needs to realize how his PTSD effects you in a negative way. Basically what he is saying right now is that he doesn't care what you want or how you feel. Do you really want someone that feels that way towards you?" Hearing that made me angry. First at the person who said it, but then when I thought about it I got angry cause I thought Ya why doesn't he care?

I really don't know what I'm asking. But any input helps.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

That's a pretty blanket statement and I wouldn't put much stock into it. We APPEAR selfish but it's not that AT ALL.

Why doesn't he care? Maybe because he's wrapped up into something that is so far beyond what most non-ptsd'ers can comprehend. Bottom line. It's not so much about you and this post makes me think you're internalizing his personal struggles.

 

[Snowangel1225]

Truth be told, I've wondered this myself. Sometimes it feels like my sufferer is completely self-absorbed with his issues and doesn't take anyone else's needs into account. Maybe he can't? I don't know. I just know this completely one sided relationship is hard to do.

Case in point, my dog of 11 years just died this past weekend. It wasn't unexpected as she had been declining in health over the past couple of months, but it was still very hard on me to say goodbye. Yesterday I told him I was seriously thinking about getting a cat from the Humane Society to keep me company and he discouraged me and told me he doesn't like cats. This from a man who doesn't live with me, might never live with me and HE HAS A CAT (that he loves). I was dumbfounded and just wanted to say "this isn't about you", but I didn't. I still might though....because I went and got the cat today anyway. :)

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

I used to think my ex-suffered was "just kind of inconsiderate at times". But it wasn't really that, he was just so in his own head, he couldn't or just didn't think about me.

As supporters, we sometimes really want to be supported. We want the norm sometimes, but that doesn't mean we don't love our sufferer. Normal doesn't fit into the equation.

Hell, let's face it, sometimes we want to be the center of his/ her world for a change. Problem is, they already have PTSD in that position.

I don't think they discount us, I just think sometimes we aren't even in their equation of a situation. If that makes sense.

I don't know, just my opinion. Goes out the window when my emotions get involved sometimes.

 

[kacee129]

My emotions are involved right now. In my head I know what is best. And that is letting him go. I sometimes, well most of the time, get so wrapped up I can't think rationally. We went out tonite. We went to a couple bars (about the only think we do together) but I ran into some people that I was friends with when I was married to my x husband. Holy cow...I was shocked that they knew who I was (my x's X wife) and still were my friends. Thats a whole nother story. But it made me feel good. That I was a person who mattered. I know that is my issue...Well, whatever, it helped me today. And so did your reponses.
Thank you all.

 

[StarChild]

That I was a person who mattered. I know that is my issue...

Dear kacee129, your wish, to be of matter isn't an issue at all, but a very healthy attitude! Don't loose or abandon this healthy need. Just my two cents and an encouraging hug (if wanted).:hug:

 

[Abstract]

I don't think people have to want treatment for themselves to start benefiting from it. I think anything that gets someone into treatment is better than nothing. In the past I haven't done it dor myself but still benefited It sounds like your chaps terror of facing his trauma and diagnoses is overcoming all else. Nothing is stronger than that fear at present. But he is still trying to hang onto you regardless. But that won't work as you know as without facing the trauma and PTSD he is not healthy for you.

When something becomes stronger than that fear then things might change. Part of that might be if the present is really bad enough. And you not going back to him as you usually do may be one part of it. If the present is bad enough it might motivate him to look at the past.

It might be a little like this: lets say he was shot. Getting treatment for trauma is like choosing to stand there and get shot again. Sometimes it is hard to stand there and get shot at rather than run away even if there is affection for family and friends.

Enabling someone to avoid is not the answer though.