Just Feels Like No One Believes Me

[sonicwhite]

It just feels that I just had a trip, ya I had a trip, a trip to mars where cannibals where after me and if I got caught I was going to be chopped up alive.........Fear that at any moment I was going to be sent to hell. I have more dreams of my friend that died of lung cancer than I do of the other but the prazosin does help. I'm sorry for those that get no relief but I do.........My dreams are just chopped up pictures of the horrors I dealt with going thru a psychotic episode in the worst place without a advocate to help me out.



Detoxing from meth, pain killers, weed shrooms XTC. I was taking large doses of these drugs for about a year than it hit the fan overnight, I came to the cross a year later and had a profound sense of well being.......Only Christ can do that for a sinner like me........If I don't have PTSD than I'm grateful. If I do that I'm grateful something helps. Either way I try to convince the masses that I dealt with a year of pain. A pain so deep it bellows.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm glad you came to the cross and had such a beautiful feeling from God. You are lucky to have experienced that, even though you had suffered so much pain beforehand. I hope you can sleep more peacefully now.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

It just feels that I just had a trip, ya I had a trip, a trip to mars where cannibals where after me...

Good luck with everything!! I wish I had some insight to share with you. Hugs if you'll have em!!

 

[sonicwhite]

I'll take em. I just suffer from nightmares....I have never had a flashback I don't think but the nightmares are kinda like reliving the horror all over again.



I have my Twoface kitty which always knows when I'm hurting. Always there but she has like a tumer on her and I make SSDI and not enough to take her to the vet....I get paid on the first and third and by the sixth my money is gone.......'


IDK if I can make it without her.....She is my child. The one that cheers me up. The one that always wakes me up before the dreams get really bad. I love her with all my heart.......I don't think a woman will ever love me and hold the burden i have so I gave up on that/

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I am sorry about your beloved pet. I have similar issues. Since I have many cats, it is extremely expensive for veterinarian care. My ex was a veterinary nurse, but since she is now gone, I don't have that free advice anymore. It is a nightmare for me to even think of one of my cats dying. I grieve until I get sick if one passes. Maybe this will help. Good luck.
http://www.ehow.com/info_7996389_veterinarian-assistance-low-income.html

 

[sonicwhite]

My OCD is in remission.......When i was first treated it was for a drug induced psychosis.....My doctors are taking me off risperdal because they say if it true that you have no major psychotic disorder than there is no reason to be on those.........One thing is true. I felt alone, like no one could understand. My ex broke up with me and left me emotionally abandoned. I have felt like I was in pieces. Trying to put myself all back together. Life has never been the same since 05, I have never been the same.....I'm thankful God healed me of OCD. Now I don't have a fear of preaching about judgement for those who do not believe what i believe is true. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. Reaped what I have sown. Now it's time to push thru everything and just give life my all, my everything to help people.

 

[sonicwhite]

Anyone?

 

[sonicwhite]

This is more of me bleeding my pain. IDK how else to release it. I don't trust therapists. I don't know what happened in 05. All I know one day i had a wonderful relationship with my ex. Than I get this fear that she is cheating on me.......And the meth fueled paranoia got stronger and stronger to the point I thought everybosy was out to kill me........All I wanted was to live. I remember the first few weeks i was coing out of the psychosis.....I looked at the lake and saw the suns reflection and was so thankful that whatever spell I was under was coming to an end. Than the gripping reality that my ex was over me. That she got with someone else. I was thankful yet at the same time very angry




Things will never be the same. I will never capture that type of love again because I fear of getting hurt, and fear that is sooooo deep that it consumes me.....If I can find someone who is into God. has a heart after His own Heart.....It would be a perfect triangle with God at the top. But unfortunalty these things just don't happen.....IDK what to do anymore.......

 

[Friday]

Anyone?

The problem, as I see it Sonic, is that you're looking for common experience... From shared symptoms of 2 very different things; chemical dependency issues amongst PTSD people with trauma issues.

Just a few examples amongst many: meth induced paranoia being very different from trauma induced paranoia; nightmares of events that have actually happened versus nightmares of events imagined to have happened / brought on through chemical exposure or detox; drug induced psychosis that has an expected end as detox, acute withdrawal, & PAWS go through their chain of events vs the lifelong cyclical nature of PTSD, et cetera.

felt alone, like no one could understand.

Have you looked into the NA (narcotics anonymous), & DualDiagnosis (addiction + OCD), & religious addiction treatment program communities?

 

[Fadeaway]

I am going to be very honest. I am frankly confused by your posts. Am I correct in understanding that you are still struggling with a break up that happened 10 years ago? Emotional pain may be very difficult to deal with but it is quite different form PTSD.

@FridayJones puts it quite well. It does feel like you are looking for people who have shared experiences that are unrelated to trauma. My experience with meth is from the outside looking in from having a mother who often had meth induced paranoia. Although it is helpful to find people with similar stories what brings people together here is the struggle in dealing with the aftermath in trauma.

 

[sonicwhite]

But many ppl who smoke meth never go thru the chains of events I did. I'm not looking for similar experiences since mine is unique to me.



Relationship break ups can traumatize a person but, I don't think that was the issue. Mine was lack of getting help when i was surrounded by staff that knew I was crazy yet did nothing to help me. Just abandoned me and I felt alone, scared out of my mind.


Detox has a chain of events but that was ten years ago, Why am I still complaining about it now? It's because it left a quack of destruction that is having a hard time putting myself together, the good news is, if I only have drug induced psychosis and all the other disorder are just false positives than I'll be ok.

 

[sonicwhite]

To all my friends family and enemies. There is a judgement day for everyone. Everyone will have to answer on that day. I'm not going to sugar coat the bible. It was to warn us the coming wrath of God Almighty. He gave us little ole us that deserved this judgement a way out. It is through accepting Christ. Repenting of what He convicts you of and telling the whole world about Him who saved you. One day a week ain't going to cut it. We as Christians must live loving the Lord for the great sacrifice He made. Please look at your life. Is there something in it that offends God. Tell God you're sorry. Repent and be SAVED.