My Husband Feels Like A Doormat He Told Me He Feels Like He's My Sugar Daddy Because I Don't Want To

[Long lost angel]

Thank you Broken Dahlia. I will look into this.

 

[mobius1]

So, my husband told me that he feels like a sugar daddy sometimes because I never want to have...

Long lost angel, first i do agree with meditation. and nutrition. i think when our body is not nourished properly we suffer. it sounds like you might be having hietal issues? not wanting to eat and unable to swallow. is your tummy upset a lot?i wonder if you have adrenal issues. i use GEMO product , quercus pedunculata for that. also STANDARD PROCCESS has an herbal protocol to nourish the body. they have 3 levels of adrenal fatigue. and addaptogenic herb formulas. i use the (loose powder) herbs licorice, eluthero, rhodiola and panax gensing in my green tea which is excellant l theanine. a pot every morning. adrenal support is so important for PTSD..
the panax , and damiana in the formula REALLY BOOST libido .
be CAREFUL of hypoglycemia. i think the herbs may help you stabilize. do you get massage? i ditto the 'lucky to have you' post. and how lucky for you to have him!
i'd try to see if your feelings of being 'dirty' are the distortion of others'. there is nothing 'dirty' about HEALTHY sexuality. WE need IT!
do you have a creative interest? walk in nature? i find it helps us to connect with our authentic self, and put distortions in true light.
I do believe that using marijuana can help sort thru the distortions. your not lost, but 'on the path'. good luck.

 

[KM 1985]

So, my husband told me that he feels like a sugar daddy sometimes because I never want to have...

You could try..

To find new reasons for exitment and fun.. Go swimming, maybe try addopting a pet, or maybe a short course could do. You choose the topic! And you have to complete it..

I have ptsd for 6 years now, as long as im doing something im much better. Some things are modefiable and i would foucous on those.

I have lost the ability to get deeply connected to anyone almost. Loneliness is a perspective we take.

 

[Long lost angel]

I daydream of having other things to occupy my time. Unfortunately with my four kids and my husband working 12-hour shifts on most days 7 days a week also commuting an hour and 15 minutes each direction that leaves me very little window of opportunity to utilize any hobbies or interests that I do have. Before the four children, however I did not understand why I was this way, I was always on the hunt for an adventure which did seem to keep my mind off of these things. I think my desperate yearning for a constant occupation of my mind and my physical was what hindered me from the realization that I was suffering so dramatically. But now with all my responsibility and the added stress of these responsibilities, there seems to be no time or physical availability to drive to toddlers and two school-age children with me to do nearly anything. As it is I have to pack up all for kids to take to school and then again to pick up the younger one and then again to pick up the older one and then we go home and we wake up for Daddy prepare him for work and he leaves and it's just us. By this time have to start preparing dinner making sure homework is completed getting the schedule in order so that bedtime can be on time. In this family I'm the one that has to do all of the shopping all of the errands all of the doctor visits all of the School volunteering. Anything that needs to be taken care of other than providing the income is done by me with all four kids in tow. Both of my parents are dead and I don't have anybody else. It's just me and my husband and our for kids.. I've been saying for years that I wanted to couples counseling I've been saying for years that I'd love to go to the gym or do yoga or get involved in a soccer team anything. Unfortunately I don't have any assistance in my life who could watch my kids babysit entertain them nothing. So again I say I daydream have other things I could be occupying my time and that is exactly what I mean I daydream of these seemingly meaningless and normal things that everybody else seems to get to do. Unfortunately having any time for myself is not an option in this life. When the day ends and I'm all alone that's the time that I have for myself and that is when it's seemingly the worst my head because that is when I relived most of my horrible memories and fears. That's where the cycle begins again. How I stay up all night overthinking things and analyzing them and these thoughts trigger more memories that I have to sit in analyze trying to figure out if they're real or if I've imagined them and just keep repeating these imagined nightmarish dreams. I convinced myself of denial and sometimes want myself to believe that I just have a very active imagination I must have been born with it. I don't have anybody to talk to and there isn't anybody that I could call and ask for answers. But I do thank you all for your advice I wish I could take it if the universe allowed me the availability to do so I would. Your concerns and advice are not in vain and I do appreciate it. Maybe something will change at some point in the future. All I can do is pray. Thank you km 1985 and Mobius 1.

 

[void]

@Long lost angel

You are welcome.:happy:

Have you seen your T.?

Keep us posted.:hug:

 

[Alistair]

I'm looking into it. Thanks.
Well I tried but couldn't seem to focus for very long, maybe 2...

Sometimes I fall asleep watching the lights, but I return to it and it's like someone withdrew a heavy black curtain of dread off me and I can be enthusiastic and funny and creative again.

I have been trying to find a practitioner to work with that takes Ohip medical but many are private plan only which I don't have at present.

I do the videos now before the curtain falls and I'm in dread and it helps. Unfortunately seeing my dear loving wife has the potential to trigger me because of our being separated, so that's been a challenge, but in slowly getting better due to her support even though we are separated.

I'm so gratefull to her for the strength and trust in me as I re-build my life out of and away from trauma.

 

[imobius1]

I daydream of having other things to occupy my time. Unfortunately with my four kids and my hus...

some massage therapists will come to your house. years ago ,before i got so sick with lymes, and before the PTSD , i did massage and tried to do a good balance of the deep work for sore muscles, and long soothing strokes at the end. now i go to a wonderful massage therapist regularly. he knows my situation, he does deep structural integration to help with the paralysis, and deep long soothing strokes at the end.
when i was working, i NEVER 'got it' how those long soothing strokes sort of 'scramble the code' of PTSD. its like i forget how to flip out... for a while. it does help so much. even self soothing. you need this time.
NO DOUBT being a mom in this world today is harder than ever, and you are doing it with all the required attention for your kids and husband. these are HARD years that will pass, and you will see how you have succeeded better than many without ptsd. for me, i was TERRIFIED to be a mom because i felt i would automaticley be like my mom, and i never wanted to do that to anyone. the voice always told me, "just leave them in tact..."
now i am a grandma 7 X . they are all well and happy. most of all, very painful dissfunctional patterns are broken! i think you will have the same blessing and they will honor you.
i get it how it seems so stifling, and creative energy is hard to come by feeling this way. i also get how my sister-in-law with eight kids was always reading cheap novels! reading is good to direct the mind.
i want to stress again about adrenal fatigue. you MUST eat well to avoid hypoglycemia. i crashed real bad 6 months ago, and am still working to find balance. i figured out that ALL of my 'episodes' were when i was LOW blood sugar. those herbs and especially quercus pedunculata have helped stabilize a lot. i hope you try it.
i think if you take a new interest caring for yourself, your kids will see a good example.
again, your not lost, but on the path... read a cheap novel!

 

[imobius1]

I daydream of having other things to occupy my time. Unfortunately with my four kids and my hus...

P.S. i really don't mean 'cheap novel' but just reading anything can occupy the mind when it is not realistic to really do more than you are doing. study something you want to know about. other times, people, places? cooking is facinating and fun. and you can serve your family with good nutrition. sometimes the simplest things can be most inspiring. this too shall pass.

 

[Powder]

Having four kids at home is very tiring without help and lots of outside outlets and support. You sound like you're holding up the best way possible. Taking them out to get some more fresh air, and for yourself, and eating outside might help you undo the stress that seems locked in.

Don't give up.

It's hard for me to feel emotionally safe and connected with my husband if he's working so much, like yours is. He is not there to bond with, and you have four kids. Honey, just thinking of that combo makes me feel like it an unromantic for a woman kind of feeling.

Take care of you. Put more into you, self care, love yourself, see you're wonderful in lots of little ways.

I'm not sure your situation, but I feel for you. Sounds like you're bored and exhausted on top of PTSD. Life is hard sometimes and then things can change so fast and get better. I hope for you and me that happens very soon.

Hugs,

Muse

 

[Long lost angel]

Having four kids at home is very tiring without help and lots of outside outlets and support. You sound lik...

You nailed it. Thank you for your concern, I do appreciate it. Are you in a similar situation? I have been able to sleep in a little bit now that the kids are out of school. That's quite wonderful, well not having to get everyone ready and on the move by 7am, waking up after 8am is nice. We have been visiting old friends and going to the park.

 

[katz]

I got a response from my therapist today. I have to go talk to his front desk lady.
So I'm tryi...

Why don't you take a walk? Take the kids with you. They can ride their bikes and enjoy the outdoors. You will be helping yourself get your appetite going again by exercising. I sometimes walk by myself and enjoy the solitude. Sometimes even to just cry. Other times I walk with my husband.

I had to explain to him that we walk so that I can have time with him away from the phones and the house. I hold his hand while we walk and let him know that I do love him. Sometimes we talk, and sometimes we don't. As time went on, he started to understand me better and why I needed his patience with me. He also has told me that he will always love me for being me.

He has told me that he likes to hold my hand when we're out together, he said that it makes him feel that he is special. He said that it felt good to have me reaching out to him, instead of always the reverse.

You can reach over and take his hand and smile at him when your in a public place. Ex. while walking thru the parking lot at the grocery store. It is a short distance, so it may feel okay to you too, because of the physical contact being for only a short time with no obligations. It helped me to learn to trust him better because I knew that it would be okay to let go as soon as we went into the store. Also, it will be very good to let the kids see the affection between you two. Even if you're just holding hands-and smiling.

I say this because my folks never showed affection for each other. My brothers and sisters and I grew up with very little emotion. It takes a lot in me to hold the hand of anyone, much yet hug. It took me years to "learn" to hug a close girl friend. She had to "teach" me.

My best wishes to you. ( )

 

[Powder]

With my PTSD, I have learned the need for non-sexual touch with my husband as a way to stay connected emotionally. It releases Oxytocin, a hormone in all mammals that helps to feel bonded and safe and calmer. It lowers stress, lubricates social interaction.

Therefore, holding hands while walking or sitting together, snuggling, and so on without introducing any foreplay or sexualized touching is a way to increase this hormone and feeling safely connected. After this becomes a regular part of your routine, you might feel more comfortable doing more sexual foreplay and activity later on with more energy.

Also, if you have low testosterone (low iron and zinc) from not eating red meat, shellfish, or enough food in general, you will have no sex drive. Veganism in a hard-working person will greatly reduce the sex hormones, which is why monasteries limited meat consumption in the more ascetic communities. In modern young people who eat fortified iron food, and who don't work physically 12 hours a day, this is not the case.

Your not seeing the husband and not eating is known to create for you the physical conditions in which you will not be in the mood no matter what. If he knew this, it might take the sting out of it, but he should be encouraging you to eat enough iron and zinc. Especially women, who lose iron from heavy periods. If you are tested anemic, you can get an outpatient uterine ablation, which I did and LOVE, because it means no more periods. It also means no more babies, in most cases. Fine with us because we're done with that.

Eat right, and train him to get used to not always going straight to the heavy petting and to stick to gentle and loving touches when together, and he may later enjoy the benefits of a more well rounded array of good touch.