Lost Again
Bronze Member
Hi all,
I have been on the forum for a couple years. For a long time I was a PTSD supporter. A lot of people were telling me though the stories I was telling was abuse. I felt more like a supporter than a victim. We went to counselling. I was patient and tolerant. I read alot about trauma. I was his best friend. Anyways, after 2.5 years, a baby and another one on the way, I have gone no contact. It's been almost two weeks. I tried to get back together with him but after he pushed me down while pregnant, saying I was triggering him because I didn't want to apologize for something I didn't feel like I had done, I kinda realized that he wasn't getting better. Triggering him was not about me arguing with him but not doing what he demanded I do even if it went against my own dignity or truth. And in fact after he pushed me down it was obvious he was moving from emotional and verbal abuse and threatening behaviour to physical abuse. And I have read enough to know it just gets worse.
I tried co-parenting with him. He still had a key to my house and we would meet up daily at my house. But then he vandalized my house because we had a misunderstanding about where we were meeting to exchange our son. I was waiting at his house and he was waiting at mine. So he assumed I had blown him off and decided to start throwing my stuff around. I took away the key.
Then the verbal abuse and disrespect just started escalating and escalating to where I just didn't feel safe. Every day just trying to organize where and when to exchange our son, he was calling me an inconsiderate bitch, a slut or a whore. And always selfish. He was able to see his child every single day while I paid all the bills and paid all the daycare costs. I think he got a lot more than most divorced dads. Then he started saying I smell badly, my body smells bad, my breath smells bad, I'm nasty and disgusting and repelling. Really devastating stuff especially being pregnant and having all the bills, the job and the kids to take care of.
And finally one day when I asked him to meet me at the mailbox to pick up his son because I didn't feel comfortable meeting him at my door, he said he wished my ex boyfriend had killed me. And he talked about wishing me and my family were kidnapped, tortured, chopped into pieces and fed to pigs. At that point, it was just enough. I cancelled the visit with our son. And called the police because he kept text screaming that "i had fkn asked for it..." Really the sheer panic and fear he was creating was just giving me panic attacks.
I reinstated a restraining order from a domestic violence conviction he had already on me. And went no contact. Tomorrow I go to court to seek an emergency custody order. I don't know if i can talk to the judge without breaking down in tears.
Times are so tough. Deciding to leave while pregnant is so scary. Three months to go and looks like I am doing it alone. Yesterday I deleted his family on my facebook because he was trashing me on their page. Saying that he settled for a loser and this is what happens...
I have been on the forum for a couple years. For a long time I was a PTSD supporter. A lot of people were telling me though the stories I was telling was abuse. I felt more like a supporter than a victim. We went to counselling. I was patient and tolerant. I read alot about trauma. I was his best friend. Anyways, after 2.5 years, a baby and another one on the way, I have gone no contact. It's been almost two weeks. I tried to get back together with him but after he pushed me down while pregnant, saying I was triggering him because I didn't want to apologize for something I didn't feel like I had done, I kinda realized that he wasn't getting better. Triggering him was not about me arguing with him but not doing what he demanded I do even if it went against my own dignity or truth. And in fact after he pushed me down it was obvious he was moving from emotional and verbal abuse and threatening behaviour to physical abuse. And I have read enough to know it just gets worse.
I tried co-parenting with him. He still had a key to my house and we would meet up daily at my house. But then he vandalized my house because we had a misunderstanding about where we were meeting to exchange our son. I was waiting at his house and he was waiting at mine. So he assumed I had blown him off and decided to start throwing my stuff around. I took away the key.
Then the verbal abuse and disrespect just started escalating and escalating to where I just didn't feel safe. Every day just trying to organize where and when to exchange our son, he was calling me an inconsiderate bitch, a slut or a whore. And always selfish. He was able to see his child every single day while I paid all the bills and paid all the daycare costs. I think he got a lot more than most divorced dads. Then he started saying I smell badly, my body smells bad, my breath smells bad, I'm nasty and disgusting and repelling. Really devastating stuff especially being pregnant and having all the bills, the job and the kids to take care of.
And finally one day when I asked him to meet me at the mailbox to pick up his son because I didn't feel comfortable meeting him at my door, he said he wished my ex boyfriend had killed me. And he talked about wishing me and my family were kidnapped, tortured, chopped into pieces and fed to pigs. At that point, it was just enough. I cancelled the visit with our son. And called the police because he kept text screaming that "i had fkn asked for it..." Really the sheer panic and fear he was creating was just giving me panic attacks.
I reinstated a restraining order from a domestic violence conviction he had already on me. And went no contact. Tomorrow I go to court to seek an emergency custody order. I don't know if i can talk to the judge without breaking down in tears.
Times are so tough. Deciding to leave while pregnant is so scary. Three months to go and looks like I am doing it alone. Yesterday I deleted his family on my facebook because he was trashing me on their page. Saying that he settled for a loser and this is what happens...
