Relationship Just Praying

[Seeking]

My boyfriend and I have dated for 3 years and it's been great. We laugh, love, and truly LIKE each other. After getting the word that he had been given a retirement date from the military, he began to process out. This man has been deployed 5 times, in combat and has seen things that only he, God and those that were there know about. He very casually over a year ago said after seeing his Dr. he was diagnosed with PTSD. We really didn't talk much more about it really. Over time, I noticed how he'd withdraw from me, become distant and just stop communicating. Prior to this, we were in love! It was like God just parted the sky and WOW! :) Recently we've had disagreements that forced him to tell me he was numb, has no feeling and takes prozac several times per day. This man now retired, buries himself into work. He's an ROTC instructor at a high school which is totally stressful. I told him that I'm here for him and to lean on me in which he replied how he can't because I stress him. I was blown away because we really don't have arguments like at all. I however, have asked him about his withdrawal and shutting me out which set him off. We were able to get past that particular situation bUT after me asking more questions he's said small things here and there like have I ever noticed his mood changes, his distance from me at times. He said sometimes he goes through periods. I asked what I should do when he goes through and he told me to just chill out. He's mentioned in the past that he can't deal with emotions and that he at times feels like pressure will break him. I however see how he buries himself in work but has withdrawn from me. So now I'm as he asked me to do chilling and praying. I'm new to this and will support him but is this what happens with sufferers of PTSD?

 

[bring em all in]

Is he getting help? So many of our veterans need help and don't get it. Also, I applaud you posting here and hope you continue to, but from my experience many significant others need professional help as well. I have PTSD so I don't have much advice for the significant other, but I know my wife struggles with my struggles. As much as she wants to help, she often admits- "I don't know what to say/do for you."

 

[Mon15]

I too am in this situation. My love of over a year and half, has untreated Combat PTSD... He phases out in December and becomes the biggest a-hole to me and pushes me away. I've only experienced this twice (last year) and again now. One minute he is planning our future, telling me I am the best thing that has ever walked into his life, that he loves me more than anything, and the next wants nothing to do with me. I left on New Years and heard nothing from him until a few days later texting me if I would want to keep our dog (we live a few hours away from each other) and then says things that imply we are done. After nine days, he contacts me and says it hurts. When I ask to talk things out, he agrees tells me its not me and that he has a problem (which we've talked about before) and everything is great. He is back to planning the future and trips, etc. Then in a days time, he flips again and says he doesn't want to talk anymore or fight anymore for it and that he wants to be left alone and for me to take what I wanted from his house.

It's so confusing and I wish it were easy to cope, but it's not. I love him more than anything and would do anything for him and he knows that. It's just waiting around to see if the "him" I know and fell in love with will ever come back around, especially this go around.

 

[Silver.]

I think a good place to start would be reading the supporters section here. The more you know about the many ways PTSD affects us sufferers, the better you will be able to handle what your boyfriend is going through. Many sufferers go through periods of isolation and withdrawal and just need their space. The best you can do for him is give him time, love and patience. Take Care

 

[bring em all in]

I don't mean to sound discouraging but I don't think this kind of thing resolves on its own. He may not be ready to seek help and get therapy yet, but have you considered getting help? My wife is in therapy and one of the issues she's addressing is my PTSD.

 

[Seeking]

He goes to the VA and he's on prozac several times per day. I don't really know but I've heard the VA doesn't have the best treatment.

 

[bring em all in]

That is so true, and a national disgrace! As a society we put our soldiers in harm's way (physical and emotional) and then expect them to return the same as they left. And when they don't we provide sub-standard care in many instances.

Do you have access to any help for yourself?

 

[Seeking]

I realize that I should get help myself. I am a very emotional woman and know that he can't handle all my questions and tears and pleading that he communicate with me :(. I've been this big ball of emotion and realize I need help with my feelings as well. Coming to this forum is a big step for me. Already I feel better knowing Im not alone.

 

[bring em all in]

I feel the same way about the community I have found here- a big step to take, but so worth it!!! Thanks everyone!!!!