Just quit therapy

[hymnless]

I just ended up emailing my trauma t to quit therapy. I just can't handle it anymore. Now (like 30 minutes later) I feel completely panicked. Anyone else out there have a similar experience? I'm just simply too overwhelmed by all of it to continue right now. It doesn't feel healthy anymore.

 

[mrsps]

Would it maybe help to go to one last session, just so you can talk it through with your T and let them know you are feeling so overwhelmed with it all? Maybe instead of quitting you could just take a break?

 

[Muted]

Yep, I think I've done that a few times:) Hang in there, if your t is good, she will understand. If she's not good, might be safer/better to not go back. Did something happen?

 

[anonymous]

My therapist told me that if I quit he would still be there when I was ready to come back. I think about quitting every week still. Yep.....been there....

 

[UnicornSightings]

I quit about 4 times. Each after intense freakouts. Then I freaked out after I sent the email to quit... It happens. If you change your mind your t will let you go back. Give it some time and thought.

 

[kilted]

If you think your therapist is OK, go back and have an "ending" session with them. This makes it easier for everyone if you might want to resume therapy with that therapist/practice.

If you are doing Exposure type therapy, the drop out rate is high, switching to a different approach make it easier to handle.

 

[hymnless]

Would it maybe help to go to one last session, just so you can talk it through with your T and let them k...

She asked me today if I'd like to come to my normal appointment time (which is tomorrow) to talk about termination. I think I'm going to say yes, but that still freaks me out. I know eventually I'll do more trauma work, I'm just not sure it will be with her. Maybe now is a good time to see if someone else is a better fit?

@Muted yeah I've ghosted a bunch of therapists in the past (not cool, I know) and I still have my regular therapist. The trauma therapist and I kind of got into it last week and after a lot of thought I realized that maybe this isn't the right person. Or the right time. Or maybe it is and I'm just being a jerk. But I have to live with this so I might as well try out all those options and see which one it is. Right?

 

[UnicornSightings]

She asked me today if I'd like to come to my normal appointment time (which is tomorrow) to talk abou...

Trust yourself. If you already have support then it's a good time to see if someone else may be a better fit. I have ghosted everyone EXCEPT my therapist which I'm crazy proud of. I've wanted to. Many, many times.... I actually recently signed a contract (that I made) that I would terminate only after an in-person convo has taken place.

I wish you luck. Let us know what to decide to do, ok?

 

[Kaleidoscope]

When you find the right therapist, you will know... I finally did. I looked for signs of integrity and a focused regard for what I spoke of.
Before I met my present counselor I had many times also when I didn't go back. It was just too hard...but I hung in there with this one and I'm glad that I did.
I will never forget the day that my therapist told me: "Lean into your pain. I want you to feel it."
I thought that he was the one that needed a reality check!
"Are you kidding!?!? I thought! I feel this pain continually!!! I want to be done with it! I want it GONE!"
I left that day wondering if I should quit counseling...
Therapy started to work for us when I decided to trust him...to face the hard.
The trust that I decided to extend to him was a gift.
He had done nothing to earn it and he had done nothing wrong. He was and is a good man of admirable integrity...
He simply told me to embrace an emotional pain that was slowly eroding my soul.
This did not make sense! I had spent years avoiding it with work, busyness, helping others, hobbies, being with people...helping others...helping others.

I wrote something I have called 'Trust As Ice' to describe the fear that I had to overcome while starting to touch what I had avoided for so many years.
Trust for me was like walking out on ice so clear you could see the rocks below...and hearing a quiet voice saying "It's ok...the ice will not break...it will hold you."
I did this over a span of 8 years... I can't even speak of the "issues" anymore.
I became stronger.
Choosing to trust my counselor has enabled me to face difficult situations and conversations with tact and confidence...for in 'choosing to trust' him...this also meant being honest with him, daring to tell him things I had told no one, daring to respectfully ask him for clarification when I misunderstood or experienced hurt from something he would say. This gave him a chance to explain or clarify or apologize...and me a chance to see how my sensitivity was possibly more of a transference.
Telling him my deepest regrets and most difficult happenings gave me a chance to feel heard & believed & cared about...empathy is a balm.
Many good things came out of my decision to trust him.
As I became stronger, we worked towards 'graduation', which sounds more triumphant and gentler than the word 'termination'.

There is so much more that I could say, and possibly will, as I 'choose to trust' this site...
"my PTSD".
I joined all of you because I'm still 'limping'... :(
My last hour with my counselor was June 26th, 2017.
My goal was to never return to counseling but rather work through difficult emotions with the wonderful friends that I DO have, my faith in God, which is strong and the excellent coping skills I have paid dearly for.
And presto, magic...
'it' didn't disappear.
I still have reactions to 'triggers' (hate that word!), and a dream that sent me running from my bed (and the embarrassment of my husband saying "What is going on? You did this the other night too!")
I've been reeling ever since, thinking "all of that hard work for 8 years...for nothing?"

I do not want to crawl back to my counselor. I need to see that I can do this.

So... this is what I've decided.
'Triggers', bad dreams & a possible frustrating reaction just may be a part of the rest of my life...and I have a good, good life.
And just maybe, sharing with all of you rather than burdening the people in my life who need me to be strong and happy will be my answer.

I only know one person in my day to day life who knows what PTSD is like. She and I are very close yet I'm very careful to not share too much with her for I sense her tenderness and see how very hard she tries to move beyond past happenings. I can tell her I'm having a difficult day and we go for a walk ... but we do not go deep and we try to find the beauty of that day.
I've probably already said too much here...
what I'm trying to say is find a therapist that has integrity....then make the decision to trust...then do the work.
And if the past peeks into your precious present, write to "myPTSD".
I hope to learn from what I read here. I hope to impart to you the gems that I have gathered, the words that got me through a tough spot (journaling is a wonderful outlet) and writings that I will share anonymously. They are copywrited for my grandchildren to use as they choose someday. They can be freely shared...just please do not claim one as your own...the words and songs that I have composed are the good that came from very hard parts of my life and are all that I have to pass on to my children and grandchildren.
Thanks for "listening".

 

[Muted]

I think it's important that you feel safe with your therapist and trust them completely, I think having that will help you work through things. I also think it's extremely important that you feel heard. If you don't have these things with your current therapist it might be better to consider a better fit for you.

 

[hymnless]

Trust yourself. If you already have support then it's a good time to see if someone else may b...

I didn't end up going last week. I'm going to go in mid September to sort of check in. In the meantime I've scheduled sessions with 3 other trauma therapists to see if one is a better fit. It's entirely possible that the first one was a good fit and trauma work just sucks more than I'd imagined, but there's no way to find out without trying.

@Muted i completely agree. Although I did feel safe with her, I also really don't handle big pushes well. My regular therapist and I talked about this and the fact that although it had taken me nearly 4 years to get there, I finally fully trust her (which is a first for me with any human).

Anxious to see how meeting with the other therapists will go since I'm always sooooo awkward and don't know what to say at a first session.