Just Trying To Leave The House

[shimmerz]

Okay, just had my shower. Took me hours to brave into that. Now I am sitting on the couch, attempting to walk out the door. I am terrified of 'coming and going' to different spots. The longer I stay here the worse it will be. Then of course, walking into another house brings its own sets of anxiety. So I will finish this post, take a deep breath and walk out into the world.

ARRRGGGHHH!

 

[Laura 2]

:hug: How did it go @shimmerz ? (Been there, too often, know the sheer courage it takes...)

 

[shimmerz]

:hug:@Laura 2 . I made it out the door and am okay where I am at right now. I have to leave here now to go somewhere else, and it doesn't seem to be the 'going somewhere' but the leaving part. I get such an ikkky feeling when I have to go. Every day it is a battle. Bath, proscrastinate because I hate showers and baths for some reason. I think the bathroom triggers me. Then looking at the door thinking 'I just don't want to go out there'. These were such simple things at one time. So frustrating. Thank you so much for asking.

 

[Laura 2]

Oh YESSS! ...just one more cuppa, one more cigarette, one more vid...my procrastinations are legion!

I like the 'getting there' bit because I'm driving. What's that about...? Probably something to do with 'no one can get at me' whilst I'm in motion. Plus, driving is one of the very few practical things that I am actually in control of.

I love showers. But I too put off going into the bathroom. I am certain it's because I have to tear myself away from my habitual distractions and there's always the lurking threat of the memories and then flashbacks attacking me whilst my mind is free to be attacked (hope that makes sense?) Writing it makes me realise how much time I have to spend in the all encompassing effort to completely avoid all the memories.

Ahhh, how we took so many things for granted Before Trauma....<sigh>

I am happy that you made it to your destination safely. I am hoping that the next leg of your trip will be ok too.

 

[marylouise]

Gosh, I wrote a post that was about not wanting to leave the house just last week. We are not alone, even if we're inside our houses by ourselves.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I am glad you made it out. I struggle to get out of bed most mornings. I love showers, but I procrastinate when it's time to get ready for bed. I hate driving. Sometimes the cursed "right" versus "wrong" view is the only thing that keeps me going out of the house.

 

[silkleaves]

I feel your pain. It sucks when I actually am looking forward to wherever it is I'm planning to go... I will start getting ready even 2 or 3 hours ahead of time, because I just know I'm going to hit that moment where I just can't bring myself to leave the house and deal with being "out there". So I try to give myself plenty of time to shower and get ready.

And even then, I *very* often will sit down to put my shoes on to head out the door, and then just never get back up again. Just sitting there with my keys in my hand, and after about half an hour or so of trying to build up the courage, give up and watch Netflix instead.

 

[Ti Vu]

I can definitely relate. What you did, what many of us do, takes a lot of strength. I, too, avoid my bathroom as it's a trigger of mine. I make dates to hang out with my friends or just go out, but by the time it comes around, I tell myself, "I'll just stay in. I'll just stay in. It's better here. It's safer here. Go back to bed." It takes quite a bit of time (and patience) to muster up the courage to step out into the world.

 

[shimmerz]

It starts again this morning. I am going out today to see my t-doc. The light in the bathroom is on and I feel like I am walking into the mouth of a monster with huge teeth. I am not sure if it is where the door is or whether the shower curtain is closed or stripping down or maybe all of the above but I hate it for some reason. Wish me luck willya!:confused:

 

[Ti Vu]

Best of luck, @shimmerz. We know you can do it because you've done it before. :)