Just Useless And Tired

[mrsps]

Has anyone heard from Sammy lately??

 

[ms spock]

She was in chat last night @mrsps.

 

[Sammyiam]

I'm here, feeling gutted and crawled into a hole, I just feel sad and unwanted. I know my Mum was mean to me while alive but I just thought underneath I was still her daughter, that somewhere under their she must hold some feelings ever so small for me. But now I know I meant nothing,all the years I tried so hard to make her love me. I was never bad and had never done anything wrong. I never even got a detention at school. I worked very hard all my life trying to make myself better so she would love me if I got good enough at something. I worked probably over 100 hours a week right up until my meltdown a couple or so years ago.

I have had successful business's etc trying to think she might love me.

Her last words an hour or so before she fell uncouniness to me were, are you still here ! Go home ! Grumble grumble grumble. I said I'm here as you are very sick Mum and I'm staying with you. I got no reply she closed her eyes and pretty much that was that.

Am I wrong to have wanted her love so badly ?

Have I done this to myself for trying to hard ?

 

[ms spock]

I was never bad and had never done anything wrong. I never even got a detention at school. I worked very hard all my life trying to make myself better so she would love me if I got good enough at something.

You were just a kid born into a family with a mother that was not helpful.

Am I wrong to have wanted her love so badly ?

No You were a pretty normal daughter wanting a mother's love.

Have I done this to myself for trying to hard ?

No - it is what it is Sammy. We were kids that wanted love. That is a pretty normal thing to want.

 

[littlelostchild]

It's awful how you have been treated by your mum. She continued her cruelty toward you even after passing from this earth. You will grieve these losses.

Remember that she was wrong in the way she treated you - you deserved to be loved and cared for. It is not your fault that she was such a flawed and angry person.

There are so many people who love you now - surround yourself with them, reach out to them. They are the important ones.

 

[Tanishq]

Sammy, your mother was nasty woman. When a woman becomes mother it becomes her responsibility to take care of her child/children. Your mother failed to do this, she probably sees what a lovely mum you can be. Remember you used to be chat mum for me in chats and also for my chat friends (PandaGirl and Jess). Your mother knows she is nothing in comparison with you, so she chooses to lash that out on you. Shameful and coward act from her.

You are not her, you will never be like her. She probably knew this. She must have hated this fact.

You really don't need to look for her love, I doubt she knew what is it to be mother, if she had heart of a mother she would have loved you no matter what. Why do you need to seek motherly love from such person who knows next to nothing when she is mother? She didn't make a difference in your life, I can see you feel to have a mother's love, I can understand this. I do need a mother, but it is not possible to get motherly love from my own biological mother. It will never happen.

Some women can't be the woman you are, Sammy. You can be the real mum, you are already. You love kids you gave birth to. You ended that viciousness of your mother already.

:hug: Big hugs.

 

[PTSD NON VETERAN mom]

Sammy our mothers sound the same. My mother is still living and I have finally given up trying to make her love me because I've realized she doesn't want my love or have a mothers love for me and after the death of my son and my sprial down into mental illness she only worries about what other people think and my sons death has consumed me and she just seems not capable of showing me love or support no matter what. I now feel like she is pitiful and shallow. It makes me sad to feel like that now because she is aging but I have no room in my broken heart to feel guilty about it.