Justice

[lunamasri]

Hey all,
What do you guys do to let out rage? I'm a shy person and very reserved so it's not in my nature to be angry outwardly. My father who assaulted me throughout my life until I was a teenager was a police officer in a wealthy small town so it was near impossible for me to seek justice. Believe me, I tried. I actually went to the police station 2 years ago which was hard for me because everyone was wearing his old uniform except maybe two people. I told them as much as I could remember including locations and they told me its out of their jurisdiction (which was not true) I know they were trying to protect him because I later got a call from the DA apologizing to me after he read my report with how the detectives treated me. I guess I was a little naive going in there for questioning, I had no idea they'd ask me what underwear he wore and worse. The DA said they filed a restraining order but they needed to serve him the papers and they could not locate him. I called my brother and apparently he stopped using a phone in fear of being tracked and moved to a cabin near the Ski resort he was working at. So i honestly gave up i stopped answering the police calls and moved on. But I cant shake the feeling that I have no dignity or self respect. Of course my father got cancer in my late teens when I was starting college. Like an idiot, I went to his appointments with him, blended his food because he could no longer eat solids, etc. He no longer has the cancer. I just feel like I was walked on like a dog and I want to rid myself of these feelings. What are some ways you've moved on without formally seeking justice?

 

[KA60]

I did seek justice. I had father taken to court and got an ex parte order against him. 2018. I had a chapter 13 bankruptcy paid for filed in February 2019. In 2018 while a dose reduction in my topirimate dose was under way under the supervision of my neurologist - I had still have a seizure risk- he came to my apt tried to get in. A creditor had called him..He put me at risk. The order was granted..my father was controlling abusive argumentative- all family members. I remain seizure free to this day my bankruptcy was filed completed discharged in 2024. I resumed communicating with him due to internal shame guilt cycle. Big mistake. I have gone no contact again. I live 1900 miles away now. My brother the golden child is there. I am angry again because my fsthers beliefs my family of origins beliefs help usher in the current mess in the US. I just keep working on me always re educating myself about narcissism ptsd codependency. Deep breathing walking reading books DIY home decor... I havr no full proof answers..I am angry at my father at myself a whole lot of people. Of course I was raised no tears anger etc. If I express my emotions or just my real concerns I usually get blamed. I don't take much pschoactive medication- escitalopram 20 mg and then lamotrigine ER 100mg daily but that is for seizure prophylaxis. I hear what you are saying though. I have 2 dogs pitbulls who are my legal aka letter ESAs..they help a lot. Not to be political but I am voting and I have been contacting the senators and congress members in my state for almost 2 years on behalf of saving social security. FYI. My dad thinks the rapture will occur at any time. Perhaps his beliefs help him cope. I don't know.