NH,
I apologize for having appeared to have left your side through all of this. I assure you that I have NOT.
I am very sick, and now spending more time in the bathroom than in my bed. Ugh! and Yuck! Even ice cream is not my friend right now.
And besides that, I had something disturbing happen on here and spent much time trying to handle it appropriately and with do respect. But it caused me much stress when my body least needed it. And I am only conveying this so that you may truly believe me.
As for what has been going on with you, I see the strong you continuing to fight to get to the other side. And the tired/in pain you needing to let all your emotions out in a safe place. That is wonderful and I hope you will continue to use this thread and us to help you attain your goal.
I am terribly sorry that at this moment you feel as if this ordeal and it's future rewards are not worth the price you have to pay (in all that you struggle with) each day. I hope that one day, fairly soon, that that opinion will change, but you need to see the benefits first. So until then do what you need to do to keep healing and improving.
I was also disturbed, but unfortunately not surprised, by the out of network coverage issues. Your initial procedure needed to be authorized by your insurance so I think some issue must have popped up with this second proposed procedure.
Likely some procedural code justifying medical necessity was left off. I know this is the last thing you need, but I hope 1) that it will get taken care of by your doctor and 2) that you do not let yourself use it as a way of running away from that second unwanted procedure.
Sorry if this sounds rushed or not quite like me, it is only because I am having a very off day myself. Hope you can forgive me. And know in your heart that I am here, caring, empathizing, and encouraging you to see this thing through.
It kind of feels like you are in the middle of the forrest and the road back to where you started may be clearly marked by your past travels, but is it the most direct or beneficial way out at this point? Only you can decide that for yourself and know that we will support you in whatever you choose!
Huge Hugs from my heart to yours,
Alex