Hi everyone,
This is my first post on the forum.
I am here in a last ditch effort to talk out my experiences with other supporters, as I'm not one to give up on a relationship too easily.
So here goes:
My partner has spent many years working in conflict areas. His life was threatened many times in the course of his work. He has seen a lot of death.
He is a lovely guy. He has never been violent or verbally abusive towards me, beyond the odd nasty comment when he is stressed. Instead, he seems to have completely internalised his trauma through alcoholism (which has now reached end-stage) and severe neglect of his physical health.
He exhibits pretty much all the hallmarks of PTSD - unwillingness to trust, irritability, chronic insomnia, pushing me away, self-destructive behaviour, flashbacks, you name it. And yes, he has been diagnosed with PTSD.
But the thing that I cannot handle is the fact that he is now in such poor health that I am increasingly frightened that, if he does not start to take action to try and manage his PTSD, I could lose him to a serious disease and/or death. He keeps saying that he's trying, but in the entire time I've known him, he has made no significant changes to his life.
He has had a number of very close calls, in terms of his physical health, in the past 6 months - and the frequency of these health crises are increasing. My anxiety is going through the roof - I am literally terrified for his life. This has eventually resulted in me doing all the wrong things, in terms of my behaviour towards him.
Very recently, it has gotten to the point that I have ended up lecturing him every time I speak to him. I don't mean to, but that's how it keeps ending up. The years have worn me down. Our last discussion went very badly, and I have now withdrawn completely from the relationship (at least, for the time being) and started therapy in earnest, in an attempt to manage my anxiety and try and come up with a better strategy for dealing with my fears about his health.
Time is running out for him to take action to save his own life. I am not being melodramatic - he has had life-threatening episodes on numerous occasions in the past few months. I don't want to go into too much detail, but to be clear: I am not referring to suicide attempts here.
I am really struggling. I know that only he can help himself. Increasingly I feel like I should just walk away, and it may come to that. But, as I imagine many of you here can probably relate, it feels like a horribly heartless thing to do.
For now, I am just trying to address the things that I have control over and can improve on ie. my own mental health, and my own behaviour.
I am unsure at this point whether I am actually here to seek advice, or just tea and sympathy. Please, I hope no-one responds to this post with harsh words. I am simply being honest, and trying to admit my own mistakes - I know that I haven't been overly supportive of my partner recently, but I am actively working to address that.
Thanks for listening.
D
This is my first post on the forum.
I am here in a last ditch effort to talk out my experiences with other supporters, as I'm not one to give up on a relationship too easily.
So here goes:
My partner has spent many years working in conflict areas. His life was threatened many times in the course of his work. He has seen a lot of death.
He is a lovely guy. He has never been violent or verbally abusive towards me, beyond the odd nasty comment when he is stressed. Instead, he seems to have completely internalised his trauma through alcoholism (which has now reached end-stage) and severe neglect of his physical health.
He exhibits pretty much all the hallmarks of PTSD - unwillingness to trust, irritability, chronic insomnia, pushing me away, self-destructive behaviour, flashbacks, you name it. And yes, he has been diagnosed with PTSD.
But the thing that I cannot handle is the fact that he is now in such poor health that I am increasingly frightened that, if he does not start to take action to try and manage his PTSD, I could lose him to a serious disease and/or death. He keeps saying that he's trying, but in the entire time I've known him, he has made no significant changes to his life.
He has had a number of very close calls, in terms of his physical health, in the past 6 months - and the frequency of these health crises are increasing. My anxiety is going through the roof - I am literally terrified for his life. This has eventually resulted in me doing all the wrong things, in terms of my behaviour towards him.
Very recently, it has gotten to the point that I have ended up lecturing him every time I speak to him. I don't mean to, but that's how it keeps ending up. The years have worn me down. Our last discussion went very badly, and I have now withdrawn completely from the relationship (at least, for the time being) and started therapy in earnest, in an attempt to manage my anxiety and try and come up with a better strategy for dealing with my fears about his health.
Time is running out for him to take action to save his own life. I am not being melodramatic - he has had life-threatening episodes on numerous occasions in the past few months. I don't want to go into too much detail, but to be clear: I am not referring to suicide attempts here.
I am really struggling. I know that only he can help himself. Increasingly I feel like I should just walk away, and it may come to that. But, as I imagine many of you here can probably relate, it feels like a horribly heartless thing to do.
For now, I am just trying to address the things that I have control over and can improve on ie. my own mental health, and my own behaviour.
I am unsure at this point whether I am actually here to seek advice, or just tea and sympathy. Please, I hope no-one responds to this post with harsh words. I am simply being honest, and trying to admit my own mistakes - I know that I haven't been overly supportive of my partner recently, but I am actively working to address that.
Thanks for listening.
D