Lazy

[shimmerz]

Lazy is a word that comes up when I am forced to 'stop', which is more often than I want it to be these days.

I was a really hard worker before this PTSD thing. Like, really hard. So much so that it, I am certain, helped lead to my breakdown.

Now? I play games with my head to motivate myself to challenge triggers. All the freaking time. But it doesn't feel like I am doing anything of value.

I don't sit around the kitchen table all day smoking or drinking beer. I don't sit around eating bon bons. I don't hang out at the local coffee house. I clean, I shop for food, I prep food, I type here to try to sort out my shit. I challenge stuff. I get it. As I type this I can see it isn't actually lazy. It just isn't GOOD ENOUGH.

I wonder sometimes if I use the word lazy (for myself), when I feel I am not doing well enough (which is always - even when i was a ridiculously high functioning version of my current self). I never call anyone else lazy. EVER. I find the word offensive for others.

What is lazy to you?

 

[scout86]

What is lazy to you?

Me! :D

Think about it though, are people who are TRULY lazy bothered by it? Are they even AWARE of it? (OK, I actually don't know the answer to EITHER of those questions. LOL)

"Lazy" is something I was called when I didn't meet someone else's expectations. Lazy is now my excuse for not meeting my own expectations when the truth is, those expectations can be kind of unreasonable.

@shimmerz , the truth is we love you just exactly the way you are, whether you like it or not. You are no more valuable to the universe if you run yourself into the ground than you are if you don't. In fact, you're more valuable happy and relaxed. :p

 

[TXbandit]

Challenging your triggers is of value. It may not feel like you are doing anything of value because you are still working on how to challenge all of them. You can't kick them all at once. One at a time. Allow breathing room. EDIT: I'm not saying that this is what you are actually doing. I know for me, doing a ton of work sometimes seems that it's not working. It takes someone else to mention my improvement to see that my hard work is paying off. Just saying.

To me, it sounds like you are doing major work! Props to you!! And good for you for seeing that you are not actually being lazy. *high five*


Lazy to me is not trying or totally giving up. Not working on yourself to help in healing. That is lazy to me.

 

[Ronin]

Lazy to me reads ineffective, in my way, and exploitative, rolled into one. Blended into a combination that won't give a single damn & correct itself.

*sees no lazy in @shimmerz*

 

[Go Hungry]

Lazy is: sitting around waiting for things to get done by themselves or by others. Refusing to make the effort to accomplish a goal. I've done a lot of this in my life, so I know what I'm talking about. It's the procrastination, the 'well I'll just f*ck it up' attitude that just so conveniently excuses you from doing something... It's getting stuck in a rut... It's a lot of ill-defined things that add up to stagnation.

But if I read your post right, stagnation is what you're afraid of... That you are putting in all this effort and getting nowhere.. a mouse on a wheel. It's a terrible thing that there is no finish line in trauma, or life in general... You just keep putting in the work again and again in order to keep from falling behind..

But from what I read, you aren't stagnating at all.. You're busting it out, but discouraged when it looks like you aren't making any progress... But you are.. It's like inertia... Moving a big stone ball is possible, but it takes a tremendous amount of work to get it started... That's likely what you are experiencing.. the initial push to get the ball rolling...

Stick with it, you're doing good.

 

[sun seeker]

What is lazy to you?

My mother towering over me in a rage and shaming me because I DARE to be comfortable.
= bad for existing.
= bad for not doing things her way.
= don't deserve to live.
= don't deserve to rest.
= don't deserve even to take the time to breathe.
= can never be good enough no matter how hard I try.
= even if I do succeed at something? It doesn't count because I could always have done better.

Somehow, I've turned this in a slightly different direction. Same belief that I can never be good enough, but coupled with a belief that even if I do manage to work as hard as I'm supposed to, I don't deserve to enjoy the benefits of it and should keep on suffering anyway. After a while this adds up to "what's the use of even trying?" It's a block in receiving good energy.

 

[sun seeker]

I was a really hard worker before this PTSD thing. Like, really hard. So much so that it, I am certain, helped lead to my breakdown.

So was I. The way I've been working in the past few years? It doesn't hold a candle to how hard I used to work. Twelve-fifteen hour work days sometimes, at least during part of the year, and usually on insufficient sleep. I can't do that anymore. No matter how much I am able to heal, that is not going to be my life in the future. Somehow I know that.

I have a sister who was much the same, until her migraines got so bad she had to give up her business.

There is a limit to how much a human body can take. Work smarter, not harder, seems like a good motto.

 

[PlainJane]

Lazy to me is not doing everything in my power to get what needs to be done. Period.

Much like you, it is easy to recognize overdoing it for others. But for me there should be no limits.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Lazy to me is a shame judgement word, concentrating on mythical measuring stick of 'doing' not 'being' inflicted by the beholder.

I have heard the word used to describe ethics, races as well as creeds. In most cases, after a fashion of time, social awareness, as well as public outcry - the word choice of 'lazy' was usually deemed inappropriate and retracted with an apology.

 

[Gadgie]

I have never been a "lazy" person, but I do get these days when I'm very lethargic and tired.

It's hard to cope with really, as I've always been an active fast moving person, but since the accident that damaged my back, I've been limited as to what I can do, and the time taken to do it?

I've slowed the pace a bit more recently, as I had what you would call a mini stroke a couple of weeks ago, and that scared the crap out of me! as I really thought that I was going to die!

It took me about half an hour to calm down and breathe properly again, I felt sick, my blood felt like it was on fire, I felt dizzy, so bad that I had to crawl to the door to get air.

So now I'm taking things a lot slower now, and glad to be alive.