If this isn't helpful just ignore me. It almost reminds me of when my oldest went away to college. She had a lot of crazy emotions, wanted to leave, and yet had a "grief" of leaving and wanting me to be like the mom in Gilmore Girls and come stay in her dorm room. Of course, I'm her real mom and we do communicate and see each other, but the relationship changed from mother and daughter, and it's changed a few more times. There is a Leaving--Hopefully you can "stay in touch" but the relationship will change-because you have grown and can take care of yourself emotionally now. By ending it and all the reasons you list for ending are all mature decisions and made from strength. Be GEM to your self now. The grief is immense I'm sure. The thought of leaving my therapist even though he has really hurt my feelings many times, makes me very very sad. I can't imagine after 5 years!
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Leaving after 5 intense years
- Post starter Leah123
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- #14
Sometimes I am reminded of a child growing up in my relationship with her, and some of the past upsets as that teenage stage of breaking away in fits and starts, sigh. She was very motherly to me, so... we did some work in relationship on me having that safety and security and stability I was missing, and it's hard, but yes, I can relate some to what you wrote. I just hope... I wish there was a middle ground, we'll see how it goes.
Justmehere
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What about an in person therapist? To do some skills work and help support you through the transition and finding other supports. I’m not saying you need one, but suggesting that perhaps it’s not only her or nothing...
With an online job, and online/phone therapist, a child... I can see why you are frustrated and upset about the lack of attunement. There are things that happen with in person connection (or any relationship) that happen when we are physically in the same space.
I’m not saying you need to go the course of more therapy, but rather if you need support, maybe there is someone that can help stabilize through the natural difficulty of grieving and letting go.
It is like a breakup in a way, only not one that can be shared with others very easily.
I have had two terminations - one was good the other not so much.
The good termination was actually quite helpful. I walked away feeling more whole, not less. It did have a taper in the end. We had the option of occasional contact now and then. But I never used it. It was too hard to go back. Yet just the option helped. When we were done, we needed to be done, and I needed to move onto the next season... but it was hard to let go. Eventually, it was ok.
We both approached it like a graduation. Moving on to the next season.
One thing that helped me to remember: that while relationship ends, the good work we did together will still be a part of my story. That doesn’t go away. That, I get to keep with me.
My heart goes out to you. :hug:
With an online job, and online/phone therapist, a child... I can see why you are frustrated and upset about the lack of attunement. There are things that happen with in person connection (or any relationship) that happen when we are physically in the same space.
I’m not saying you need to go the course of more therapy, but rather if you need support, maybe there is someone that can help stabilize through the natural difficulty of grieving and letting go.
It is like a breakup in a way, only not one that can be shared with others very easily.
I have had two terminations - one was good the other not so much.
The good termination was actually quite helpful. I walked away feeling more whole, not less. It did have a taper in the end. We had the option of occasional contact now and then. But I never used it. It was too hard to go back. Yet just the option helped. When we were done, we needed to be done, and I needed to move onto the next season... but it was hard to let go. Eventually, it was ok.
We both approached it like a graduation. Moving on to the next season.
One thing that helped me to remember: that while relationship ends, the good work we did together will still be a part of my story. That doesn’t go away. That, I get to keep with me.
My heart goes out to you. :hug:
I think JustMeHere suggestion of a temporary, short term in person, face to face therapist may help you make the transition of termination. Therapy sessions for therapy with another therapist is helpful sometimes, and helps get a "perspective" and just have a human in the room with you who can talk about this painful termination would be helpful. People who haven't gone through it will not understand. I've had a couple terminations. One almost did me in. My next T had to help me process the old T. Then the 2nd termination was good and empowering. I still remember things that T said that helped me. Just a thought.
Didn’t know
Bronze Member
Leah
Hi I’m new but I wanted to say that I had a very intense relationship for years with a therapist who felt like a mother to me. I healed so very much with her and after almost 10 years it ended badly.
I will always love her but the transference - mine to her and hers to me made working together impossible. I saw it as a natural progression- as if I was growing up and leaving home.
In intact families similar events occur as a child matures. There are rifts and children individuate.
I have since found a few good therapists but did not replicate that level of intensity. My therapist and I now are more equals. We are not so enmeshed.
Developmentally I needed the intense connection then but now I have different needs.
I guess I’m saying there is more out there and if and when you and she move apart you may enter a new type of relationship with a therapist after a time and find that to be very satisfying in a new way.
Hi I’m new but I wanted to say that I had a very intense relationship for years with a therapist who felt like a mother to me. I healed so very much with her and after almost 10 years it ended badly.
I will always love her but the transference - mine to her and hers to me made working together impossible. I saw it as a natural progression- as if I was growing up and leaving home.
In intact families similar events occur as a child matures. There are rifts and children individuate.
I have since found a few good therapists but did not replicate that level of intensity. My therapist and I now are more equals. We are not so enmeshed.
Developmentally I needed the intense connection then but now I have different needs.
I guess I’m saying there is more out there and if and when you and she move apart you may enter a new type of relationship with a therapist after a time and find that to be very satisfying in a new way.
- Post starter
- #18
I wanted to follow up on this and see how you are doing since you ended your therapy with a long term therapist. I'm asking because my sessions cause such intense emotional upheaval and I just feel like I can't go on this way anymore. Yet, the idea of ending it causes uncontrollable, relentless pain.
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