Dave Mike O
New Here
I'm 41 years old, single, never been married and no children. Believe it or not, that status makes me very isolated in itself because most people I know are married, or divorced and therefore impossible for me to relate to. So right off the bat I can say the worst (and somehow best?) thing about my experiences is that I have to deal with all the hard parts alone.
My first memory of trauma is when I was left in my parent's house alone when I was about 5 years old. About a year after that, I was bit in the face by a German Shepard that our family was babysitting. Luckily there was no permanent damage other than a scar on my temple. Then there was a car accident where the family station wagon slid underneath a truck on an icy Chicago winter day. If not for hitting the dolly it could have been much worse, and none of us were injured.
Add to all that a family environment where sharing or expressing of feelings were unsafe and an alcoholic father who mostly ignored me and my brothers. Just typing all this is revealing to me how messed up my life was at an early age, as if I was set up for failure. Yet here I am at my computer support job, typing away. Sorry for being sarcastic.
High school was a complete disaster for me. I was not systematically bullied yet I wasn't liked by my peers and eventually became almost completely detached from anyone by senior year. I never did homework and flunked out of every class for two separate semesters. However this was in the 1980s and my public high school was getting awards and recognition for academic excellence, so I didn't matter to anyone. I saw a social worker at the school who was useless. Literally nodded and said OK to everything I said, no advice whatsoever.
To make a long story short, later on I became a member of a few churches, and an online social group more recently, and left both for their routine favoritism, abusive practices and social stigma of those who won't submit (more like succumb) to their structures.
So arguably my survival skills have been both my best friend and a mortal enemy to myself. I am back near my hometown because the depression, anxiety and downright anger I felt while living out of state almost caused me to have a nervous breakdown. I'm tired of living life in survival mode. I've seen psychologists, went to 12 step groups and was treated for ADHD (assuming that I even have it) with antidepressants and other meds. Ironically one of those counselors treated me with EMDR which didn't seem to work too well.
Finally, the lack of information online about PTSD other than for military personnel is frustrating to say the least.
Seriously, where do I start to begin a REAL healing process?!?
My first memory of trauma is when I was left in my parent's house alone when I was about 5 years old. About a year after that, I was bit in the face by a German Shepard that our family was babysitting. Luckily there was no permanent damage other than a scar on my temple. Then there was a car accident where the family station wagon slid underneath a truck on an icy Chicago winter day. If not for hitting the dolly it could have been much worse, and none of us were injured.
Add to all that a family environment where sharing or expressing of feelings were unsafe and an alcoholic father who mostly ignored me and my brothers. Just typing all this is revealing to me how messed up my life was at an early age, as if I was set up for failure. Yet here I am at my computer support job, typing away. Sorry for being sarcastic.
High school was a complete disaster for me. I was not systematically bullied yet I wasn't liked by my peers and eventually became almost completely detached from anyone by senior year. I never did homework and flunked out of every class for two separate semesters. However this was in the 1980s and my public high school was getting awards and recognition for academic excellence, so I didn't matter to anyone. I saw a social worker at the school who was useless. Literally nodded and said OK to everything I said, no advice whatsoever.
To make a long story short, later on I became a member of a few churches, and an online social group more recently, and left both for their routine favoritism, abusive practices and social stigma of those who won't submit (more like succumb) to their structures.
So arguably my survival skills have been both my best friend and a mortal enemy to myself. I am back near my hometown because the depression, anxiety and downright anger I felt while living out of state almost caused me to have a nervous breakdown. I'm tired of living life in survival mode. I've seen psychologists, went to 12 step groups and was treated for ADHD (assuming that I even have it) with antidepressants and other meds. Ironically one of those counselors treated me with EMDR which didn't seem to work too well.
Finally, the lack of information online about PTSD other than for military personnel is frustrating to say the least.
Seriously, where do I start to begin a REAL healing process?!?
