I know life meant well to reach out. I just dont thtnk it understands how too connect with me. I have always wanted to be a part of your life. But I am too broken to connect with the world. We are so very different despite our kindred spirits. Mist look back at childhood and see the good life and feel the love..
I look back and see a loney stare and feel tremendous fear to this day. It hurts me very deep that no one could see or understand that. All the iindifference scares the hell out of me and makes me wonder If I have always been in hell and the rest of the world was just dancing on the surface.. Hell life is a walking contradiction and most can not feel the sorrow under thier feet.
How could so many fail to see the devistating wound within me as a child. All the signs and symotoms were there. I was expected to turn it off and act normal and be normal in that world. Shut it down and silence my sorrow.
Well I am unable and unwilling to do that ever again. I am not going to pretend that I am ok with all the indifference and fake smiles. I would rather be left utterly alone and deal with the sound of silence for eternity.
I not going to put on a mask and prettend that I am marching on within the walking cintradiction anymore. My thresholds of pain have overflowed within my soul. I am no longer going to hide the truth and allow this world to walk all over me and smother my light with indifference. I will say it true.
Yes I remember being suffacated and beaten close to death. I remeber the laughs and unkindness deep down. I remeber being torn and shreaded with cruelty. I remeber being molested by the one I needed to protect me and I remember the bloid demons that tormented my Mothers soul.
But, I also remember the true kindness and love that the good ones were able to share with me. I remember how good it felt to be accepted and truly loved. I am so very greatful for those that were able to break through and help me to feel that.
For that I will always protect love and honor those in need. I will never give into the dark and let go of my love within.
But, I will not put on a mask and pretend that I did not feel the sky falling when the dark side of humanity walked all over my soul and smothered my light within. So just watch me walk away into the night !
I look back and see a loney stare and feel tremendous fear to this day. It hurts me very deep that no one could see or understand that. All the iindifference scares the hell out of me and makes me wonder If I have always been in hell and the rest of the world was just dancing on the surface.. Hell life is a walking contradiction and most can not feel the sorrow under thier feet.
How could so many fail to see the devistating wound within me as a child. All the signs and symotoms were there. I was expected to turn it off and act normal and be normal in that world. Shut it down and silence my sorrow.
Well I am unable and unwilling to do that ever again. I am not going to pretend that I am ok with all the indifference and fake smiles. I would rather be left utterly alone and deal with the sound of silence for eternity.
I not going to put on a mask and prettend that I am marching on within the walking cintradiction anymore. My thresholds of pain have overflowed within my soul. I am no longer going to hide the truth and allow this world to walk all over me and smother my light with indifference. I will say it true.
Yes I remember being suffacated and beaten close to death. I remeber the laughs and unkindness deep down. I remeber being torn and shreaded with cruelty. I remeber being molested by the one I needed to protect me and I remember the bloid demons that tormented my Mothers soul.
But, I also remember the true kindness and love that the good ones were able to share with me. I remember how good it felt to be accepted and truly loved. I am so very greatful for those that were able to break through and help me to feel that.
For that I will always protect love and honor those in need. I will never give into the dark and let go of my love within.
But, I will not put on a mask and pretend that I did not feel the sky falling when the dark side of humanity walked all over my soul and smothered my light within. So just watch me walk away into the night !
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