Life's Complicated

[Apollo1]

I think what Amethist said here summed it up apollo and girlie,
I appreciate money is tight so using this forum is a good idea but not as a substitute for therapy, but it is a good addition to therapy.

Your right,therapists are like mechanics some are good some are not so good lol.
You will need to continue to search for a therapist that works for you girlie.

Take care
LB

They definitely are like mechanics. This one was a great listener, but lacked the ability to actually get something accomplished.

 

[lovinbiker]

The good news I just found out today, is that because we now have found the link to PTSD, our insurance will cover therapy! Sweet! We may as well find someone that specializes in PTSD, and go see him/her, and not worry about the meter running or the cost now

Thats good news :)
All the best on your therapist search
LB

 

[Apollo1]

HI Apollo and Girlie...

Wow. What a thoughtful and wonderful response! Thank you. You brought a tear to my eye, and I don't even know you. Thanks.

If you would be so kind as to post on here (or PM me or PM my fiance) some things you have found that have helped you and your husband, we would be SO appreciative. This has been such a roller coaster for us. I feel so sorry for her that she had to go through this trauma in her life, but at the same time I feel sorry for myself that I have to deal with the anger and strange behavior. She truly is a wonderful person. It makes me so mad that certain things happened to her. I wish I could go in a time machine, and change it for her. I know I can't, so the next best thing is to change her future by changing myself to adapt to her, and also get her the tools she needs to change herself so we can meet in the middle.

Again, thank you. You really helped.

 

[Iam]

You are very welcome Apollo. :) I am kind of blown away that my post was so helpful but very glad it was. I think just knowing we aren't alone in this is helpful in itself.

You asked me what my husband and I have done that has helped us. Boy that would be a pretty in depth answer.

Unfortunately PTSD is a roller coaster ride and is not completely curable. This site really helped both my husband and I. PTSD is complicated, especially when caused by childhood abuse, because it can be very difficult to put your finger on the triggers that cause emotional flashbacks. I am learning to notice my body responses so that I know when a flashback is starting. Once I realize I'm having a flashback I try to remember what happened or what I was thinking that kicked it off. CBT and EMDR (which can only be done by a trained specialist, do NOT attempt to do it alone) are helping me to manage my symptoms.

My husband is a very stable person, but this has been tough on him as well. One thing that we had to overcome was his desire to "fix" everything for me. That is a typical male trait, not bad at all, but not helpful in this case. He has had to learn to just listen to me, then accept and validate my feelings. Not an easy task at all, but it really helps. He also knows that there are times when he just has to give me my space. He points out the good things I am doing and the progress I am making. He does not put up with inappropriate actions or words on my part and gently, but firmly points it out when I treat him in a way that is unfair. I am having to learn to understand and have compassion for how my PTSD has affected him too.

As you can see, learning to manage PTSD is very complicated and is done on multiple fronts. Also, what works for one may not work for another. One hard part and something you both need to realize (BIG WARNING!) when your fiance starts dealing with past issues.... it gets harder before it gets better. Reading the articles on the home page will help you both to understand PTSD better. Reading the individual posts here by sufferers will bring up many emotions for your fiance and quite possibly memories that she has either suppressed or were completely block before. It's not easy to deal with all of that and takes a tremendous amount of courage to do so. Your fiance is strong and a fighter/survivor or she wouldn't still be alive and sane. She can do it, but please, please realize that it is a tough road while digging it all up.

I would recommend that you visit the carers section on the forum. You will need to take care of yourself in order to be able to help her. The carers here can help give you support and advice that you will find invaluable.

(((HUGS))) to you both.

Lauren

 

[Apollo1]

You are very welcome Apollo. :) I am kind of blown away that my post was so helpful but very glad it was. I think just knowing we aren't alone in this is helpful in itself.

You are so awesome, Lauren. Thanks again for your continued help.

Your husband sounds a lot like me. I'm a very stable, business minded person, with a compassionate and soft side for my girl, but yet I won't put up with unwarranted and rude comments directed at me by her when she has an anger outburst. At the same time, I truly do try to "fix" things for her. Didn't realize it was a typical male trait. LOL.

Thanks for the warnings about therapy possibly making things more difficult for a bit. I will really need to compensate for her, while at the same time not allowing her to think she can walk on me, as she and I go through this journey with therapy.

Thanks again for your help.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hello Girlie, welcome :)

Did you find it helped to talk about it?

 

[anthony]

Apollo, please take note of the forum rule for quoting entire posts. There is also a video on how to quote correctly within the forum help desk. As per rules, failure to follow forum rules will see a filter applied to your account restricting access or banned permanently.

 

[Apollo1]

Apollo, please take note of the forum rule for quoting entire posts. failure to follow forum rules will see a filter applied to your account restricting access or banned permanently.

LOL. Ok, chief.