Live My Life Or Give In To Anxiety? I'm Torn.

[Emily The Strange]

I've been suffering from PTSD and anxiety for a few years now and still I have no way to cope with certain noises and places.

I have been invited to join my mother for her birthday celebrations in London and to go to the theatre to see Stomp. I really want to go for my mothers sake as she is recovering from cancer and it's her first outing in quite some time, I also want to go to prove to myself that I can move on from this and that I can lead a normal life. BUT I am absolutely terrified that I will have an anxiety attack whilst in London and that I wont be able to get home and that the number of people around me and the noise in the theatre will trigger me and I wont be able to cope.

I'm torn...half of me is saying man up and deal with it and the other half is saying don't be so stupid you're not ready to join the real world.

So frustrating and I've got one day to decide!

 

[Hashi]

I'm forever trying to weigh up the cost of anxiety against the cost of doing things.

Of all shows, I think Stomp could be a challenge if you think noise is going to be difficult. It's uneven noise, suddenly being quieter or louder etc, and it's not all that soothing visually either - it contains some quick and unpredictable movement.

I understand why you want to go, and maybe you can handle it, so I'm not necessarily saying that you shouldn't.

What are your options if you didn't go to the theatre? Is there going to be dinner or drinks beforehand and, if so, could you maybe go to that but not to the theatre part?

 

[Emily The Strange]

There is no plan to meet for food or drinks before or after otherwise I would probably make my excuses and no go to the theatre. I have medication I can take but I don't know if that will cut it. I've tried talking to my mother but she doesnt really understand as she pays very little attention to whats been going on with me. My sister is also going but she isnt exactly supportive either.

I'm thinking it might be one of those things that I'm over thinking and I might just be able to cope with. My therapist says that I need to push myself as well as allow myself to things that I enjoy but dont know whether this is one of those times or not. I have tried speaking to him and all he says is that I have to decide whats best for me but if I dont try and push myself to do things nothing is going to get better. I understand this but I truthfully don't know what to do.

 

[Hashi]

If you went and it didn't work out well, how bad do you think it would be? Would it set you back for a day, a week, a month? Might you have to leave before it finished? Or do you think could you stay and survive it?

If you think you can accept the worst case scenario, although obviously you wouldn't want to have to, maybe it's worth trying? If you think the worst case scenario would be very damaging, then that might be different.

No idea if this would help - ignore it if not! Something I do when I can't decide is to take some time out to breathe and imagine myself first of all following up on one decision and see how that feels, then imagine following up on the opposite decision and see how that feels. If the most likely scenario is going and feeling some anxiety, I don't suggest imagining the actual anxiety (for various reasons), but imagine afterwards when it's over, and how you would feel at home afterwards, going to bed, getting up the next day... overall, pleased you went despite some anxiety? glad you pushed yourself? sorry that you went? Then imagine not going, being at home during the evening, going to bed, getting up the next day... overall, relieved that you didn't go? glad that you took care of yourself? sorry that you didn't go?

 

[The Albatross]

A lot of the time, I weigh my own risks for the purpose of whatever I'm doing. I shift my focus away from myself and onto the reason I am "there" for someone. I was distressed last year about taking my mother to a play for her birthday. But when I was able to shift my focus onto her, it got easier. I can make a decision to go somewhere or do something now that makes me uncomfortable "for a finite time". Emphasis on you're mother's desire for an outing and "doing it to please her" may help.

I vote for live your life, with a strategy or plan to manage the anxiety.

 

[safenow]

I suggest you weight the pro's and con's of going. Really ponder how you would feel either way. Guilt over not going. What level of anxiety on going?

I have gone sometimes, to have to leave during the thing. That was not a bad thing for me. At least I had made the effort to do it. Then again, on some things, I just flat turned it down.

Make a conscious effort to weight these things, and you will come to the right decision. Trust yourself to do that.

 

[Emily The Strange]

I have been thinking about tomorrow night all day and I have to say it's very tiring and has made me very anxious at times. I think I have come up with a plan though, thanks mostly to all your good advice. I have weighed up the pros and cons, I have imagined both scenarios, which took quite some effort to concentrate that long as I have a very poor attention span, and I have decided that I will go.

The only reason my plan will change and I wont go is if I have a bad day at work tomorrow and come home really stressed as it's going to take alot of effort to stay possitive and safe whilst out.

Thank you for your advice and fingers crossed for tomorrow.

 

[safenow]

I'm hoping it will turn out to be a wonderful experience for you. Enjoy.

 

[Hashi]

Fingers crossed for you.

 

[Emily The Strange]

Hi all,

Just an update on how things went on friday night.

I managed to make myself go to the thatre with my mother, it took alot of preparation and medication but I coped on the most part. I had a minor anxiety attack on the undeground system but once I was back out in the open I felt alot better. I'm glad that I went to support my mother but I wont be rushing back to go again.

She hadnt told me that we were in the center of the forth row from the front. Great seats for those who can cope. I myself didn't like it one bit. I felt trapped and I was so close to the performers that the noise was unbearable. I had to put ear plugs in and close my eyes for alot of it. I could still hear it all but it was at a much more comfortable volume. I did enjoy the performance though and maybe once I have gotten over some of my anxietys and triggers I can go again and get the full experience.

Thanks for your support and advice.

 

[The Albatross]

Glad you attended with your mother. You have identified some things in your post that were stressful, and maybe if you break them down to small repeat challenges, you can "normalize" them to a bearable level of stress (I frame mine mild/moderate/severe). I can repeat the ones that are mild or moderate until the edge comes off the stress. The severe ones, I deal with on a situational basis (like if I have a family situation and need to go).

Great to read it went "reasonably well". Focus on the successes and I'm glad you got through it Emily!

 

[Hashi]

Wow, well done for pushing through something so difficult.

I'm glad that I went to support my mother but I wont be rushing back to go again.

Makes perfect sense.

I know you wanted to do this for your mother, and glad you managed to. You've also done something really good for you, too.