Living In A Dream

[Mr. M]

I have PTSD from complex trauma also known as CPTSD. I struggle with Dissociation, Depersonalization, Memory Loss and Time Distortion a lot and things can get very disturbing at times. There are days where I feel like I could lose my mind. It would be like a plane with no pilot. I'm afraid to sleep because of the nightmares.

Every morning, I wake up in a panic with my heart racing as if my body is preparing for consciousness again, knowing it will be a rude awakening. Once awake, I drift through my days feeling like I'm in a dream or constant out of body experience known as my life. Sometimes, I look at my hands and I feel like I am looking through my eye's from the inside towards my hands instead of being on the outside, in the world.

When I experience high stress, I become extremely dissociated, almost like I am watching a movie or having an out of body experience. I am very hypersensitive to stimuli, particularly noise. I have to wear headphones while I'm in town, around traffic or on the bus.

I can remember things that I read and learn about but when it comes to my everyday life, like taking the bus home or going to the store and back, It's all a blur. I have a foggy recolection of what I did, but I don't feel like I experienced it. Time is distorted for me as well. A week ago feels like a month ago, and so on.

I really just need some support from others who can relate with me so that I am reminded that I am not alone in this.

 

[TinkerG]

I'm afraid to sleep because of the nightmares. I really just need some support from others who can relate with me so that I am reminded that I am not alone in this...

You are not alone in this. From before I was diagnosed until just recently, the only time I could sleep was with medication or alcohol - I wouldn't dream then. I dont know why I worried so much, I never remembered them anyway. I have since retrained my body to not need the drugs or alcohol by playing a game on my phone (I cant read or I will stay up just to finish the book). I dream occasionally now but its not as bad with waking up and I don't remember them when I do.

I have PTSD from complex trauma also known as CPTSD. I struggle with Dissociation, Depersonalization, Memory Loss and Time Distortion a lot and things can get very disturbing at times. ...

I have all the same, diagnosed with CPTSD in 2000.... I am not sure which this falls under but I also tend to do the deer in the headlights thing if anyone asks me a direct question, or puts me on the spot.

At times I wish I would lose my mind.

But you are not alone, this forum is a wonderful place for people like us. :)

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I'm glad you found us, Mr M! I remember feeling so relieved when I first came here because finally, people understood what I was saying. I was diagnosed with cptsd last year. All my life, I just thought I was crazy.

Are you in therapy, Mr M? That has helped me turn my life around, and helped me with my dreams.

 

[Silver.]

I'm afraid to sleep because of the nightmares.

Every morning, I wake up in a panic

^^ This. Sadly, those words could have come out of my own mouth. While I don't have the same form of ptsd as you, there are many here that do. And ptsd, is ptsd and it really sucks.
Take some time to look around, there are a lot of threads here filled with such a plethora of information, it is a good place to be.
take care x

 

[Mr. M]

I'm glad you found us, Mr M! I remember feeling so relieved when I first came here because finally,...

Yes, I have been in therapy for many years as well as in and out patient programs