Living In Pain And The Toll It Takes On The Mind

[ladee]

I always had "divorce" parties..but havent thought about a "going out party".
I hate it for both of us that I understand.
I am fortunate that I live where pain meds are available..or I know I would be standing right next to you..holding hands, waiting for oue hearts to explode.
Sort of like "Thelma And Louise" without the car and the Grand Canyon.
I think I would have to start me a GOFUNDME page just to see if I could hustle up enough money to go die somewhere pretty.
Such a sad testimony to how our medical system works..

Somewhere in the Hippocrites Oath..before the...First do no harm..they have added..Always cover your ass.
Just adds insult to injury to the hard lives we have had..
I do wish you had the money to move where pain meds are more accesable.

Being a few years older than you..I absolutely understand
If they can't give me meds to help have some quality of life..they sure as hell aren't going to get to cut me open and then still deny me meds.
I hope we know each other well enough to know I am not being flippant or without compassion to your situation. You know I care.
But you keep putting your Pain out here. If nothing else we will use humor to lighten the load.
Sending love. As hugs would hurt.

 

[The Girl]

can not say that i understand. I wish I was closer to say what can I do.
Im younger then you at 48. I'm unable to take meds due to litterly an arm full of allergies. That I've actually tattooed on my arm. I have only suffered from PTSD Panick attacks, anxiety, agoraphobia and now Borderline personality Disorder. I've had surguries with out pain meds. Not fun. Im in constant pain and would love the opprotunity to be able to taje pain meds. This all started after an accident six and 1/2 years ago. And the in 2015 a city bust hit my front bumper and fender while turning a corner. Pushed my jeep over vy a good three feet. Which has added to the PTSD panick attacks anxiety and agoraphobia. And the pain is worse. I've had a heart attack when I was 40. Have fibromialgia umong numerous other things. Ive not worked in 4 years. I have no idea who I am. I lost all the things I use to love doing due to my accident. Depression can take over to suicidal thoughts. But its not an option as I have a 29 year old daughter and 2 G kids. My daughter has told me if i take my life she wouldnt know what to do without me. We are co dependant, not healthly. She would commit suicide right after me. My family doesnt understand my mental illnesses nor do they try to. My friend have all walked away because I'm to hard to handle. I'm just existing day by day and even through it all I try to find one good thing about the day when I climb into bed and reflect on it. Today it was the sunrise that my dog woke me up to. Please find one thing everyday to reflect on. And keep pushing through. I like you have no savings and by the time I pay my rent hydro and phone. That it. If it was not for my daughter living 4 doors down in the same apartment I wouldnt be eating. Like I said not a healthy relationship being co dependant. We've alway lived together. This is the first time in seperate units. Yes I hate what has been handed to me. Im sure we all feel that way. Again please find one thing thats beautiful and reflect on it. My short term memory is gone so its hard to continue to reflect on it. But somewhere along the line it comes back to me. Please continue to live for there are people who care and love you. Ice not met you dont know you but I care for you and love you.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Right on schedule, Dr office called and said she wanted me to start on a statin drug. I told her NO, I have enough muscle pain and I don't need to add to it with a statin drug.

Honestly, I'm a bit confused about all of this, and if someone has any clue please enlighten me. I have plaque in my aorta(abdominal area) but cholesterol tests were amazingly very normal. Which is good, but plaque is bad.

 

[ladee]

Good on saying no to the statins. I will not take them either.
So ask the Dr, SheCat what makes this So dangerous and DEADLY..
What was thier plan of action had you said yes to treatment?
Sending hugs to your fragile body and your strong soul.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@ladee plan of action if I had agreed to the statin??? Take the statin. I'm sure they would have redone blood work in a couple of months. But statin drugs are shitty and cause more pain that I'm just not willing to add to my already pain riddled body.

I have asked for an explanation as to how bad this plaque is, and what has caused it. I'm sure I will have to wait days for an answer....

We have much in common... sad to say that, but glad I have a partner in all of this. Thanks @ladee for always being there!!!:hug:

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I met a lady recently who was suffering from some significant heart issues (I don't remember all of the specifics) and she started following the advice and food intake suggested by Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn vs. the advice of the doctors wanting her on statins and now she no longer takes any prescriptions (was on blood pressure meds and pain meds of some sort) and seems to be doing well. She's just an acquaintance and we didn't talk too in depth, but his methods seemed to make quite a positive difference for her in a short amount of time. I think she said she was 74 yrs. old.

 

[ladee]

No SheCat..the heart issues.Other than statins.
Were they suggesting diet changes..surgery??
And ya. Find out what causes it. My chol. Always comes back good. But am overweight . which doesn't help the pain. So have at least trying to eat healthier tho hard to do with such a limited income.
You would think in the year 2017 they would have come up with something for fibro.
Going in and cutting certain nerve groups..hell something.
Chronic pain is a hamster wheel. And in your case not even getting meds.. Have you given any thought to finding some pot?
I'd sure try to find some for you if we both wouldn't end up in jail.
Well wait..we would get free medical care..free counseling.
Hmm. Think I have found a solution. And I know damned good and well there are drugs in jail...let me get on this...:D

 

[Deleted member 541]

@ladee Well, Dr office called again, and they did not answer my question.:banghead::banghead::banghead: OMG! How hard is it to get an answer to a question. The question was.... If the plaque isn't caused from high cholesterol then WHY do I have it and what is it caused from????????? OMG. Frustration at its best, and not helping my anxiety one bit.

I'm one of those "Why" people. I have this need to know why, and when I can't figure it out I get frustrated, and then the anxiety peaks.

Oh, and they referred me to the pain clinic... appointment is in April..... hahahahahahahahaha. They will probably offer aspirin.

 

[FireSign8]

OH YES, I understand .a life of physical pain. I have almost the exact same medical issues & then some. I got tired of the endless tests & poking & prodding by strangers only to have my test results "lost" or the machines broke down & more blood work was needed & blah blah blah.. The drugs they wanted me to take would eventually destroy other parts of my body & I just refused to take it any more & I deal with my physical pain every moment of the day. Knowing my heart is a mess allows me to deny myself the daily use of amphetamines. Besides, I have no money left at the end of the month to party with anyway, so I just medicate with healthy food & internet service! I'm headed toward 65 & am stuck on disability until I die. But people like me/us seem to get to live years in pain because we CAN! I guess I can thank my Mother for giving me those daily beatings & preparing me for the life I now live in!:bawling::poop::spitdummy::hug: See ya in the afterlife & we can party like mo fo's again!

 

[ladee]

The thing about a pain clinic is they are much more likely to dispense pain meds.
I started pain managment a few months ago
They will Want to take xrays xrays and possibly a MRI.
Tell him/ her EVERYTHING that hurts.
My PP had been giving me pain meds but it was the hassle of all the legal stuff.
With PM, they can just send it to the pharmacy.
Let them know how bad things have been.
Prayers they hear you and get you some relief before you loose your mind.
andgetI understand and have not suffered as long as you have.
Guess you will have to do a Google search to get answers about your heart.
Just do the research yourself and not add their incompetents to your list of stressors.
Keep me updated.
Hugs

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Anyone else just feel like this???

Yep! Every day!

I now have an internal pain pump (most call a morphine pump though it has 3 medications in it) but without pain meds I cannot walk. Even with it I cannot sleep in a bed (I sleep in a recliner as my weight has to be on my butt), I can't walk to the mailboxes (about 30 yards or so), I can't ride a bike or exercise in any way, I have issues cleaning my house, I will loose my abilty to walk in as little as 5 yrs and nothing more the Drs can do and I am only 35.

I am in severe pain from the min my eyes open to the min they close. I wake up many times throughout the night due to it. I throw up due to it. And have asked whomever is the higher power to not let me wake up because of pain. Its horrid and I often wonder if this is my punishment for what I did in the past.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@lostforgottensoul I'm so sorry that you are in that position. I'm sure that my pain/condition/diagnosis is way way less than yours or many others here on the forum. Pain is subjective, and everyone has a tolerance of pain that they deal with. I'm just at my max with living with the pain and NO HELP with any meds to help me deal with it. I do take Mobic everyday to deal with the arthritis, but have nothing to deal with the degenerative disc disease pain. I also have a fairly physical job. Cleaning houses may not sound like it's too hard, but when you have to lug a vacuum up and down stairs, move furniture, lift things, and then there is the bending over, or having to get on your hands and knees to scrub shit..... It tends to take a toll on the old bod!!!!!!

As you and I'm sure many others here know, when dealing with PTSD, you then throw something else into the mix for an extended period of time, and the PTSD then becomes overwhelming. This is what I'm trying to avoid. So far I'm managing, but I'm not sure just how long I can hang on without going full throttle with the PTSD.

I'm just f*cking frustrated, tired of living in pain, and sick of the f*cking medical professionals that love to CYA, and turn a blind eye to people in pain. I could see it if there wasn't a firm diagnosis, but I do have several, and have complained for many years about pain. Ah f*ck, maybe I should just go buy some f*cking heroin and try that.